My sister is dating an emotionally abusive guy!?

[Dessi Love]

I hardly ever see my sister anymore she isolated herself with him. He's 19 and my sister is 22.They've been together for 2 yrs now. Here is a little back story. We tried to give him a chance but he completely ruined it. It started with he told us(me and my other sister) we're not aloud to hang out with her because we're a bad influence on her. He told us one day that if we did not bring her home from a concert that hadn't even started yet he would break everything in their apartment and ruin her clothing. He TOTALED both vehicles that my mom gave to my sister. which he wouldn't let her drive even though he doesn't have a license. He has to have her facebook and twitter passwords. He is constantly breaking her phones. He disrespects ALL of our family. cussing us out anytime anyone tries helping her out. He cheated on my sister with our cousin but after all this I've realized there is nothing I can do because she refuses to leave him.

Now my issue is I refuse to associate with him, I won't speak to him, he isn't welcome to ANY family function and now my sister asks our family if he could come to our family Christmas because he wants to come. Tell me if I'm wrong. I told my mother ABSOLUTELY NOT but mother says it's only pushing her away but I don't want him to think he's even welcome to come or even think I want him to continue to date my sister. NEED SOME HELP!!!!! Any advice. Trying to get my mother to understand.

[m_c_m_m]

Hi (:
Well in my opinion, both your mom and you are right.
Your mom is right in a way that maybe your acts with him is pushing your sister away. Try to talk to him, get along better and check out what he really wants from your sister and your family. He's like that, but people change and people can change with time and with love. Maybe if you give him the confidence, he can turn out to be great.

In another way, you are right as well because if he talks horrible about your family, why would he be aloud to participate in your family activity? If he doesn't like being with your family, then why would he want to spend time now? Maybe he has something behind his back or something planned out, because wanting to be with people after you've talked horrible about them always has a meaning, and it's to do mean things.

What to do? I suggest you talk to your mom about absolutely EVERYTHING. Tell her the kind of acts he's had and tell her how he acts around you and your sisters. Talk to her and tell her that you wouldn't be this concerned if it was a joke or if you didn't really believe it or have proof. Then, whatever your mom decides, you verify. If she decides to say no, then you got what you wanted (: and he won't be of threat but if she says yes, keep a close eye on him, Be nice to him so your sister appreciates ir and doesn't feel too left out, but keep an eye on him.
After everything is over, talk to your sister, mom and other sister together. Make her realize everything.

[jasimine]

Tell your mother what he told you and your other sister. Can you go anywhere else for Christmas that way it shows you won't accept him in your life.

[Shaina]

I've been in a less intense version of her situation and now I've been in depression for the last 2 years. If she refuses to leave him because of certain ways he makes her feel loved then have her make a chart 2 lists on one side have her list all the reasons she SHOULD stay with him (not want) and on the other side have her list all the reasons she SHOULDN'T stay with him. Be sure to help her with the diagram as she may forget or refuse to list some facts. As the "shouldn't" side fills faster than the "should" side explain to her than the longer she stays with him the more he's gonna hurt her the more she's gonna suffer and the more intense her depression will become. She may not realize she's in depression but trust me she will lose all trust and hope and will not be able to live a normal healthy life as long as she is with this guy. She doesn't deserve to be treated the way she is being treated and she deserves the freedom of an average person not a slave who can't even drive her own car or have communications with her own family. Find a time when he is at work or she is alone and help her with this project and talk to her. Save this answer for her to see. It does hurt it does make a difference it does ruin all hope and trust and it does cause depression. She's not going to have a normal life with him. Plz try this with her. Help her see the bad facts about him and not just what she wants it to be like.