How should I have handled this woman going off on me?

[Monica]

Yesterday, I came back to college after a three week Holiday break. My roommate had some problems due to my posting on Twitter, "My roommate's room is messy." She took it to heart and decided to tweet about my leaving pubic hair in the tub. So we sort of bickered back and forth online about that by not mentioning any names. Before I left, I felt bad about the fallen out so I left a little note wishing her a nice Holidays. It was my dad's idea, but I thought it was a nice gesture nonetheless. I'm not back for longer than three or so hours, and here comes her family walking in. I kind of groaned in my head because I had a feeling it would be unpleasant. I was minding my own business listening to my music when her mother curtly tells me to unplug my cords for her daughter's outlet. Now logically, I saw she had a bookshelf, so obviously they were going to put it there in the place of the outlet. I said, "Okay." respectfully, and did I was told. The woman directs my own outlet, and I didn't see anything wrong with that. It wasn't until I was in my bed trying to nap when she went off.

She complained about my dirty dishes and them being disgusting. I forgot to wash them before I left, and she's apparently tired of her daughter doing all of the work. Okay, her daughter isn't the only one cleaning. her daughter was the one leaving crap in the sink and letting them "soak." Her daughter does the same crap, but tries to blame it on me. Her daughter was the one belittling me and making videos about me, but I didn't say nothing. I felt she was trying to slander me on the internet by reporting to her friends that I talk to myself. I have Asperger's, so being yelled by anyone, especially an adult twice my age is distressing for me. I did not say anything. Instead, I pretended to be asleep and ignore the woman. She went on to imply my mother was doing a bad job at raising me by saying she didn't care how I acted before saying "Your upbringing is LOUSY!" Now I find it funny how adults who disrespect and bully children always use that line to make themselves feel better. I may be a little bratty at times, but don't bring my GOOD and RESPECTABLE family into this.

Before she and my roommate left, she told me that the next time I have a problem with my roommate, I say it to her face. Good enough of a point. Then she yelled at me some more and threw profanities. And I feel she only did that because she knew deep down I wouldn't say anything, which makes her a coward in herself. I would never act a foo in front of someone's parents or disrespect them, because I feel you should make an appropriate impression on someone you know's parents. She even said, "What kind of child doesn't say hi when someone walks in the room?" I'm usually asleep when she drops by, and when I do see her, I say hi. She usually initiates it. She seemed nice enough before, but she was awful. I told my roommate if she has a problem with me, she can talk to my mother and I gave her the number to give to her mother. We talked about this to my RA, and hopefully this straightens out, but I don't want to be around someone who has a parent disrespect me. I don't like being screamed at by adults who aren't apart of my family. She claims I was "messing" with her daughter, but that's not entirely true. Her daughter is the one talking down to me all the time when she thinks I can't catch them. This isn't the first time I had a parent complain about my bothering their child. And my mother understands that when this usually happens, the OTHER kid must have done something to provoke me for this to get out of hand. Usually it's them who ticks me off and I retaliate. They then go to their parents as if I'm the source of all of the tension. Should I have said anything in retort instead of a cold "Yes" when she asked if I understood her, or not anything at all?
Yes, I'm 19 years old, and legally an adult. But I can have the mentality of a child. I'm often nervous around people and I can't handle confrontations very well. I still thought it was rude to disrespect someone almost forty years their junior.
Common Sense, it's not so much I provoked her, but she has done similar things to me in the past. Even said she wanted to punch me in the face to her followers. Two wrongs don't make a right, but she wasn't too provoked since she has done things to people before. Both of us were immature, but she totally singled me out and made her daughter out as the "victim." That's her daughter, but I'm not, so no need to yell at me.
No need for her mother to yell at me.

[John Wayne Fan]

1st you aren't a child. At your age I was married, in the military, and had a son.
2nd it is 1/2 your room.
3rd she isn't your mother, and has no business talking to you that way.

I would have stopped her right off, and said "With all due respect Ma'am this is none of your F-ing business, and you don't talk to me like that". "This isn't your room, it is mine, and your daughters, and right now I am trying to sleep". "If you don't leave I will be taking this up with the RA".

I now have a 17yr old son, and would never get in his business, or talk to another persons child that way.

[Antst]

Your roommate's mother was totally out of line. If she goes off on you again, I think you should simply get up, say that these issues are between you and your roommate and no one else knows what the situation actually is, that you're both adults, then leave the room until she is gone.

That said, you did start this drama by posting about your roommate on Twitter.

If you are in a dorm, talk to your RA (or whatever the supervisor is called where you are). Ask for help in either getting a new roommate or talking this situation through. If you remain in the room together, you need to agree on basic ground-rules for dealing with cleaning, etc.

Also talk with your RA about how to address problems directly with people. It can be tough to learn how to do this respectfully, but you need to learn because if you continue to go behind people's backs to complain, you will constantly find yourself dealing with drama. Also, dealing with problems as soon as they arise--rather than getting gradually more irritated and then flipping out--is the way to avoid drama.

P.S. It is great that you recognize your problems... Like where you say that your mentality can be immature. But you can't use that as an excuse. You need to deal with things as an adult because you are one. Seriously, talk to your RA to get advice about how to deal with these things.

Good luck.

[Common Sense]

Hard to believe you are not in the eight grade locker room. This is so immature.

I would stop publicly twitting about your room mate. You provoked her and her mother took the lead by having a temper tantrum like a little kid.

Your mommy and her mommy need not talk. You are adults now and need to learn how to behave. If you cannot clean your dishes, then use paper plates.

For crying out loud, my CHILDREN were more mature than this.

You did the right thing about ignoring the witch with the foul mouth.

[aquarivadream]

It sounds like you did what you could. Sometimes it feels good to tell someone off that is flagrantly violating your boundaries and common sense but there are times when this does nothing but bring more drama. The woman had no right to act as she did and really doesn't have any business hanging out in and redecorating the room. Hopefully the RA can be of assistance.