Should me and my fiance live in the U.S. or the Netherlands?

[Jenni]

Hello everyone,

Thank you for taking the time to help me because I am in such a huge dilemma. It's a issue me and my fiance been struggling about since we got together. We are both unsure of what to do and have talked about the situation many times. I would love to hear opinions from other people and other advise since I am so lost. I am 20 and my fiance is 21 years old. I live in California and my fiance lives in the Netherlands. We have been in a relationship for almost five years and are in love deeply. We want to get married in the next few years, but we are still trying to decide which country we should live. Both of us have visited each others country many times and really enjoy each others country, so it is very difficult. I consider the Netherlands to be my second home and my fiance considers the U.S. to be his second home.

If we do stay in the U.S., I would want to move somewhere else beside California since the economy isn't doing well and education is suffering from many budget cuts. There is more reasons, but I won't go into that since that isn't my concern. My main concern is if we should live in the u.s. or the Netherlands. Both places have their advantages and disadvantages. Some reasons the Netherlands will be ideal is because it has a better economy than the U.S., better/cheaper health care, better education, more benefits for married couples and career wise, almost all of my fiance's family lives in the Netherlands which is important so our future children can grow up with loving family, beautiful country, can travel easily to many other countries in a shorter time, much safer than the U.S., stores and places are very close, better government, better politics, and more equality.

On the other hand, some disadvantages are I don't like the food much there. I really don't like the beef there since it taste like sausage to me which isn't good since I really hate sausage. I also can't drink the milk there since I drink 2% milk and it doesn't exist there. I have tried drinking other milk, but just can't handle the taste. I also do not speak dutch which will make it difficult to shop for groceries and daily tasks. Communication isn't a issue since many people speak English in the Netherlands. There are also different brands that I am not use to here. I also noticed that the Netherlands isn't as convenient as America, like I can't go to a store and pick up everything I need, I would need to go to several. There are also less fun activities to do here than America, but there are still some fun things to do here. One thing I dislike is having to pay to go to the bathroom here, but it isn't a major reason why I don't want to stay here. I will also miss my family very much if I leave, but I have much less family than my fiance. I only have my mom, aunt, and brother that I am really close too. One major dilemma is that I have a Associate Degree in Social and Behavioral Science, but I don't think it works at all in the Netherlands.

Some advantages of living in America are, I think America has better opportunities for our future, we both speak English, more fun activities, I love the food, familiar with the brands, makes slightly more money career wise than the Netherlands, diverse, can be very beautiful, pretty good benefits, housing market is low right now so it is the perfect time to buy a house, economy starting to get better, some of my family is here, fiance likes the food here, bigger houses and more space, and lower food/housing/oil prices than the Netherlands.

Some disadvantages of living in America are, my fiance might have to take extra courses for his degree to count, states are pretty far from each other to drive, my fiance will have to leave all of his family and our future children will have to grow up with not as much family, economy still struggling, can be difficult to find jobs, not as much benefits, education at lower standards, might be difficult for my fiance to adjust to the American culture, more dangerous, heath care in Netherlands slightly higher, and the education system struggling. As you can see, there are many advantages and disadvantages.

There are more of course, but I can't list everything since the list would never end. Sorry for the length of my post, but I did my best to name the major points of my dilemma and it is something I can't just explain quickly. Thank you for taking the time to read all of this and give us some advise!

[tigrillen]

To me it sounds that while you claim that you regard the Netherlands as your second home you really are out of your comfort zone there. Since you probably won't learn Dutch at all if you don't live in the Netherlands and you'll grow personally much more if you get out of your comfort zone for you it is probably better to move to the Netherlands. You'd hopefully learn to appreciate other ways of life which are not exactly your own current habits. The Netherlands is also more advanced in ecology and energy saving than the US.

Generally the difficulties and advantages seem to be pretty equally balanced. But Europe has much more to offer in still differing cultures in a fairly close region, so it would be a pity to not use the advantage to explore and learn. Maybe you could live for 5-10 years in the Netherlands and then move to the US if you then still want to.

[Frank]

you food taste amused me ...

you are so used to chemically saturated food
in the US ... you don't like the real quality food


I found this out when i went to Poland 25 years ago
where bread go stale in a day , milk much the same
caused of course because they did not fill the food with chemicals to
keep it fresh longer at that time

[Brother_Hesekiel]

What a wonderful essay!

I have lived in 6 European countries (Denmark, Sweden, Germany, France, Switzerland, Italy) before moving to the U.S. and have visited the Netherlands many times. We all have priorities in life, things that are more important to us than other things.

For me the weather is number 1. My European income and my U.S. income would be about the same, but no money in the world could make me endure gray skies and rain and snow most of the year. Thus, I would never want to live in the Netherlands. Alternatively to living on the American Rivera as I do now, I could live in the South of France or Northern Italy, and there are certainly a few other viable alternatives out there, but Holland is none of them, and neither is the United Kingdom.

Food . . . seriously? My entire family consists of vegetarians and we mostly embrace a vegan diet, and you can buy food you like as well in the Netherlands as in the U.S. Food is really an invalid reason to move anywhere. You don't have to eat sausages you like and don't have to drink extra fat milk in any country. That's bull.

If you don't care about the weather and like riding a bicycle, then the Netherlands and particularly Amsterdam is a great place to live. Well, you've been there, so you know what it's like. Again, figure out what matters most to you, and have your fiance figure out what matters most to him, and then make a decision.