My husband give money away before talking to me.?

[Cathy]

My husband has better income than me. I made like 1/4 of what he made. A while ago, he was on his business trip for 3 months. While he was on the trip, we called or text or Skype each other everyday. Recently, I found out that he gave this female friend if his a cash wedding gift (about 250$) without even mentioned it to me. I also found out about this conversation between him and her on yahoo messenger history, basically about how she marry and she suggested that she want a gift from him, he also brag about how successfully he is. I beat around the bush, ask him who is this female friend, he said, they go way back, never date though, she around 8 years younger than him. Mind you that we are burying in 150K of debt to different banks due to open a business and buying new house. There are so many things I can do with this 250$. I haven't go to the salon, do my nails or buy a new shirt in like months, why this friend of his have that privilege over me? Immediately I felt betrayed, shocked. The feeling is indescribable, like someone shoot me in the chest. I feel hollow. Am I wrong to feel this way? Clearly I know there is nothing between them, I checked. They haven't contact ever since he gave her that money. But why do I feel this way. What should I do? How do I bring it up without him knowing that I snooped around. He has been a very good husband, never cheat on me. He gave full access to all of his accounts (banks, email, twitter, ...). I feel like I can't trust him any longer. I need help, I cant tell this to anyone. I bottle it all inside and it killing me. I appreciate all the help I can get, but I don't believe in mean, ugly answers. Thanks
1.Get better job, easier said than done, consider how many people are jobless nowadays.
2. I never said my husband is bad husband. Feeling is feeling I cant control that. However I make sure nobody know about it until I get the right answer. You must not read my entire post then why even bother to answer.
3. I can go to a salon if I want to, but I chose not to since that is not the priority.
4. Ignorant comment is not welcome.

[Mysterious_Chick]

oh please.. it was a wedding gift. if you want more control over money get a better job that pays more. his money is his money. marriage shouldnt change that -.-

[Richard the lion]

If you have full access to all of his accounts then you have no reason not to trust him or to sneak around or to be this upset. You are going way over the top on this.

While money issues can kill a happy marriage, such issues can easily be resolved when a budget has been worked out and adhered to. This includes money set aside for you and for him to do with as you both please. This way you do not need his permission how it will be spent and he does not need yours.

"Immediately I felt betrayed, shocked. The feeling is indescribable, like someone shoot me in the chest. I feel hollow."

That is just simply way over the top in my opinion! Try to get some perspective on this.

Instead of making this into a federal case I suggest you and your husband sit down, review the budget priorities and should something like this come up again how it will be dealt with without all of the drama.

[i + i]

I think what is making you over-react to
this is the way you found out about it
and his not bothering to mention it to
you. You need to let him know that
you are upset, but try to do so calmly.

[Ron]

lol, 250 bucks, my wife has blown up her cc so we have had to refinance our house 3 times in 10 years, spending money to enable her lazy kids, she gets inheritance from her mother and never told me a word about it, takes her kids on a vacation and i find out about it from someone else, goes to her reunion and never asks me to come...yeah you have a terrible husband

[skyler mccolm]

yea you're over controlling. i bet you got gifts on your wedding night... stop tweaking about it and get a better job if you want to go to the salon.

[H A E]

I understand. He did something involving another woman that you wouldn't have expected. It's easy to question what else he hasn't told you. Before you let your imagination run wild though, take time to really think about his motivation.

My guess is she was hinting about needing money and he gave her a gift because he felt guilty. I bet he didn't even consider whether or not you would mind until after the fact, and then it was too late. If he took the risk in asking, he had to deal with the possibility that you would say no, and then what?

Personally, I think I would tell him that you're both sacrificing to make a life together and that it's important to you to discuss any big expenses before you make them... and leave it at that. If he pushes for details, just say the holidays were coming and you wanted to make sure he didn't spend too much on you when you couldn't afford it. You don't have to give yourself away to get your point across. Good luck.