Why would a married man want to work things out after he has been accused of an affair?

[Olivia]

About 3 years ago I became incredibly close to a married co-worker. He would text me everyday and we would talk for about 20-40 minutes on the phone several times a week. On the weekends we would grab dinner during our dinner breaks. Rumors started at work that we were sleeping together, which we were not, but we did become very close - talking about everything from work to personal information. His wife, who knew that we were friends but didn't know how close we had become, found a phone bill that showed my number a ton of times. She confronted him and he told her that we were just friends. The guy and I decided to completely stop communicating via phone and facebook/twitter out of respect. About 4 months later, I was called into my boss's office and was told that I had been accused of harassment and was continuing to contact him even though I was not. We had both sent a few emails back and forth to keep in touch and we remained friends. But to have him accuse me of something like that to save his own butt has completely thrown me for a loop. I feel awful for hurting his wife and hate that I have caused so much pain. I have tried to talk to her to explain that I had nothing but pure intentions, but she hates me (which I understand). It's been about a year since all of this has happened but I still find myself confused and hurt. The guy and I have gone through some really rough times over the past year accusing each other of some really awful things one month and then joking with each other and him sneaking outside to knock on my office window and talking like we used to. It's nothing like it was, but we've both admitted that we miss each other a lot and wish things had happened differently. My problem now is that I miss him being in my life as a friend and I get terribly jealous of other co-workers when they can freely talk to him and I have to follow certain "rules". He admittedly likes to make me jealous by putting his arm around other girls and joking around with them. I've told him that it's not that kind of jealousy, I just want to be able to talk to him like everyone else can. I don't know how to get past everything and get over him. We work together at least 4 times a week and I'm constantly torn between wanting to fix the friendship and just staying away completely. Help!

[Arthur W]

Sometimes circumstancess control our environment like this and sometimes we have no control over it so best here to just move on and dont look back. Remember the friendship and let it go so the whole thing will just die out. Good luck and Happy Holidays

[echo]

Speaking for all married women, BACK OFF.

[Fearlessdaughter237]

Something is missing in what you have told us, the reader. Of course, that's just a hunch of mine.
So basically what you are saying is you were doing everything involving having an affair except sleeping with the guy? Certainly you sound like you are in love or infatuated with him. That comes across very clearly.
He doesn't sound like much of a 'friend' to me. He sounds like a player and an office sleaze. I would move past this, get on with your job because that's what your employed to do, and find yourself a boyfriend. One whose not married and does not work in your office.

[Juicy]

get a grip. you broke two major rules; 1. don't get romantically involved with co-workers ad 2. don't get romantically involved with married people.

what you are feeling is what resonates from intimacy, and the sting comes from the immoral violation. you have to come to grips with the fact that you violated a marriage. coming to grips with this helps to prioritize your focus. regardless of how you feel about him he IS someone else's husband, and surly you have enough decency and respect for yourself to accept it and move on. you were never really friends, instead you were the woman he was cheating with, therefore there really is no friendship to repair.

you may have to quit your job, get reassigned to another department or ask for alternate shifts, that way you could begin to have some normalcy in your life.

he is NOT and will NEVER be your man.

[Artiste]

your best course of action would be to find a different job and move on.
Put this emotional affair - yes, that's what is was - behind you.
The guy is married and apparently wants to stay married.
At the same time he seems to be enjoying little office flirtations.
He sounds like a man who wants to have his cake and eat it too.
You deserve better!

[Girish Mehta]

My dear friend,follow my suggestion in letter and spirit.Do not trust him.You may again will face the same what more horrible situation if you continue your friendship. And yes, find out some unmarried guy as your B/F.It will be way to happiness.

[Shafter]

Usually men (or women) who get "chummy" with someone other than their spouse--usually in a work setting or a some other situation such as a church group or special interest group--have something missing in their marriage. What they find in other people is a person whom they relate to better than their own spouse. And make no mistake about it---there is usually a strong sexual desire---even if it never materializes. These situations are always potentially dangerous. The person who has "bonded" with somebody they aren't married to, looks for ways to have prolonged contact with that person because it increases their feelings of desire and feeling special to that other person.

His actions are a defense mechanism to keep you at bay. But he still has feelings for you. You need to put this situation behind you. I would look for another job, get in touch with old friends and become involved in some other activity. If you rent, move and don't leave a forwarding address. Change your phone number. Let him get into trouble with some other woman, then maybe his wife will dump him.