Does my scene excerpt make sense? What are your opinions? Any suggestions?

[What Dreams May Come]

Our current assignment for my theatre class is to write a scene excerpt (as if we'd written an entire play, but just a snapshot). The criteria are that it has to 1. "sum it up", 2. Use all main characters, and 3. Include at least one monologue, and dialogue, with stage directions. This is mine:



Helen: "Well the thing is, I never really knew about people. I mean, I just...do what I do...and that's that. Some love it, some hate it...but there really is no distinguishing factor."

Peter: "Honestly Linda, what were you thinking messing around with that dentist?"

George: "Now now, no need to get sassy...and as for you, who says I'm just 'that dentist' anyway?"

Linda: "Well you had the seat and the tray of shiny things, jeez, what more is
there?"

George: "Hardly any excuse. It was practically yours anyway, as often as you 'used' it" *wink* *wink*

Helen: "Ugh! I'm out of here. If you nitwits insist on keeping up such senseless twitter, pay the man accordingly."

Peter: "Thank You Helen......Hey!"

Helen: *laughs, deviously and self-satisfied, with a swill of her aluminum water bottle* *exits*

Peter: "Well now, I suppose on to more important matters. You two. Now, George, how exactly did you come to have this black eye of yours?"

George: "I didn't know she was the patient!"
(simultaneously)
Linda: "I didn't know he was the dentist! (For Helen's sake, offstage)Besides, he shouldn't have been digging around in my mouth like that."

George: "Well, I suppose I shouldn't have used my own mouth..." *feigns innocence*

Helen: (storming back onstage, to George) "What? What. Did you think my thoughts and feelings were going to tuck themselves into a neat little box and go away forever just because everything else got stepped on? Did you think I'm just some dumb little kid just because you've been here longer? Well, I don't know why you would think that, but if you did, you were wrong.
You didn't think it was possible, did you? You never thought it would happen. YOU...had no, idea...that I could ever be, someone that you could love, did you? No, you didn't. And ya know, considering the past, I can't say I blame ya. But if you look at me today, and honestly still see the same person you knew last time...I feel sorry for you.
So this is what it's come to, is it? Do I still want to be with you Hell yes I still want to be with you, like an addict wants their drug. But can I still be with you? I can't answer that, I don't make your decisions. Can you be with me? I can't answer that either. It's not up to me anymore. It's up to you now to take a good, honest look, and decide whether saying 'No' yet again is worth what you'd give up. If it is...do whatever you want.
But if it's not...I'm right here. I'm...right...here."... (beat)

Peter: "I thought you were leaving"

Helen: "I...I...forgot, my keys. Yes, my keys."

Linda: "Hardly see the point really...not like you're sleeping in your own bed tonight anyway."

Helen: "Well, you're one to talk."

George: "Actually honey...she is." (Gets up to exit) "I think we're done here."

Peter: "Yes, I must agree."

George: "Linda, I'll be seeing you in the office?"

Linda: "Not if I see you first." *wink* *wink*





Does this make sense to you? What are your opinions? Would you go see this play if it were expanded? Any suggestions? Thanks. =D

[ThisIsFarta]

I think it a good piece of literature. Because it is an excerpt i presume i don't need to know whats going on. I like the monologue but even if it is an excerpt i still think you need to add more script for the other characters before it comes to helens monologue. All in all a good script. I think whoever marks this will be pleased. Good luck!