Having trouble adjusting to college? It's a long story, but please listen?

[Ollie]

Alright so I just turned 19 years old and I'm a freshman down at college....i live about 1 hour 30 minutes from home, so i obviously live on campus. I am having trouble adjusting to college life, but its not even really the academics that is the issue...

One of the most notible things about college is the amount of free time that I have down here compared to high school...high school was such a routine of waking up around 5:30-6 in the morning and staying there for 7 hours. After this point I would come home and do homework/chill and then repeat the process and go hang out with friends every once in a while on weekends....the problem with college in this regard is I don't know exactly what to do with my free time. It feels so weird to go to a class in the morning, and then have a couple hours to do what I want before going to the next one.

I feel really weird about a couple things down here....so in high school, I was a really quiet kid who didn't talk to alot of people....I often tell others when they ask me about my quietness that there have been experiences in my life (such as being homeschooled for 3 years in a retirement community) that contribute to that trait....for some reason, in high school, I always felt like if I went out and did the typical teenager urges that I occasionally wanted to do (spend money at the mall, hang out with friends and/or party, get involved in dating/relationships) that I would lose who I was and have bad relationships with parents or get unneccesary drama put in my life. I guess I always had this thought because I heard certain kids at my large high school all the time talking about smoking weed/drinking and having bad relations with their parents. I guess you could say I really feared a possibility of what I could become. This kind of mentality prevented me from doing a lot of social activities in my later half of high school, and I became really depressed. I have had a handful of people in the past say that I always walk around with a serious face and take things too seriously. I felt/still feel anxious alot and tense around everyone, even paranoid to an extent.

It got to the point where my first semester of college last semester (fall of 2012) was all over the place emotionally. My classes weren't that bad, but I would get homesick all the time. I felt it was hard to relate to other people because other people are probably thinking "college has such a reputation of being amazing, where I can be away from my controlling parents and do whatever I want." However, I grew up differently, and my parents gave me alot of freedom to do what I wanted to do....I chose not to abuse and not take advantage of that freedom I had. I could see alot of other high school kids who had laid back parents like me taking advantage of them and arguing with them all the time. Anyway, because of my homesickness and my feeling of being different than other kids in terms of their extra curricular activity involvement (and my overall emotions), I began going to psychological counseling on a weekly bases, just to clear my mind from things....However, something went bad during one week in October 2012 (remember that none of this has to do with academics)

I felt extremely weird 1 week and actually thought about suicide.....to try and get help, I went to the police station on campus and told them I felt really depressed and had been having possible suicide thoughts. They took me off campus to a hospital and I explained to someone there the thoughts that were in my head. I guess they thought about keeping me for a week or two and studying for my classes off campus. After a phone conversation with my parents back home, I decided to not stay at the hospital because it would be expensive and I wouldn't force that kind of money on my parents. I came back to campus later that day and after another conversation with the police, they decided to send me home and have an excused absence for the rest of the week....

Back at home, I went to see a local doctor with my mom to see what his input was on the issues I was having. He said that I should get a blood test done (in which I did) to see if anything was wrong with my body system or I was experiencing bi-polar issues. Luckily everything was ok with me and I came back down to campus the following Monday. It did get to the point, however, where my parents and I considered having me come out of college for the rest of the semester.

Luckily, everything turned out ok for the semester and I did end up with pretty solid grades. The winter break I just had was very relaxing and allowed me to connect with my family again and re-evaluate my life. 2013 should be better

Thanks for listening and I was just wondering what your thoughts were on my situation, or if you could relate in some way to what I was going through in regards to problems adjusting to college and feeling ok with your emotions during freshman year.
To just briefly further expand on my story, I'd like to say that I don't know if my position (in if school is right for me) is justified by my grades in high school....I received good grades in high school, understood that education was important, and had people around me telling me the importance of grades.....BUT I spaced out every day in class and NEVER felt interested in the majority of the subject matter....I feel that if i didn't have the family (and few friends that I did have) around me, than I would be addicted to drugs or something because after school everyday, I would always be extremely nervous about the world around me and do things that made me feel guilty such as eating alot of food....idk I'm a weird kid.... sometimes...

[Chopsueybrandy]

It's hard to adjust to college life. I was definitely the high school loner. But I was also involved in everything so I had many friends, just never a go-to friend group. When I got to college, it got worse. I thought the way to keep my grades up was to focus on school and ignore other activities. 1) This makes you very unhappy, as you've found out and 2) it's just not realistic. You need to strive to find that happy medium where you can have a great relationship with your parents, have a good semester, and enjoy the college life. Here is also where you have to change your idea of what college life is. It is not, always, about partying all the time. It's about joining clubs, participating in the community, and making friends. Hiding away from college won't make you a better student or a better daughter. It just makes you miserable.

Don't make the same mistakes I did. It's not a path you want to go down. Trust me. I understand your intentions, but it won't make you a happy person. I know from experience. But you have a chance I don't b/c you are realizing this at the beginning of your college career, rather than at the end like I did. So fix it. Go to your school's website and try to find a club that looks interesting. Also, don't be afraid to look at other clubs/groups in the community surrounding your university.

Also, there are plenty of people who party who also have great relationships with their parents. Life is what you make it. Getting a DUI might make your parents mad at you. But if you are partying responsibly (i.e. only having a few drinks, sticking with your group of friends, and always having a DD), you will still have a great relationship with your parents. But even if you are dead set against drinking, you should still try to have fun. Go dancing, go to movies, go to concerts. Yes, there will be people drinking there. Yes, some of them might pressure you, but you are in control of your actions. If you don't want to drink, don't drink. But you don't have to hide away in your dorm. Your parents want you to have fun. They don't want you to be miserable.

I'm also going to let you in on a little secret: everyone changes. A lot. And many of these changes happen during your late teens early 20s. It doesn't mean you are fake. It doesn't mean you've lost who you are. It's just a different version of yourself. Decide on your basic "rules" of life and stick to them. But be flexible about everything else. I'm not the same person I was in high school, and that's a good thing. I still put my family first. I still shy away from anything illegal. I still think of my safety anytime I go out. But I'm no longer a loner. I'm outgoing. I'm confident. Those are two things you never would have said about me in high school. And guess what? Those are good changes.

Anyway, this was a really long answer, I'm sorry. I hope this has given you some food for thought. College doesn't have to be miserable! You just have to find that middle ground between getting your work done and having fun. Good luck!!