Why does my friend want me out of her life (or does she)?

[JRK87]

Around Valentine's Day this year I met a friendly, charming and lovely girl at my university campus, at a casual social event populated with mutual friends (we were baking for a fundraiser the next day). We got along fairly well and I kinda liked her. I'm fairly certain the feeling was mutual because she blushed when we took a picture together (in fact she was the one who asked me my name, first).

Anyway, I didn't want and fought my desire to pursue anything with her, largely because I had just had the worst experience with a woman I ever had (albeit not the worst experience anyone could have: not like she cheated on me with my brother). However we exchanged contact info and added each other on Facebook, y'know, the common thing with today's youth.

She was also single, btw, but in that phase where she thought Valentine's Day was a bit unnecessary and proud of her single-ness. I say "phase" because she entered into a relationship with another guy not too long after, which was fine with me because even though there was attraction, I just considered her a friend. Plus I didn't really know her anyway.

As summer rolled I started dating (casually) and she broke up with her boyfriend by the time September came about.
Now don't get me wrong: at this point in time it wasn't as if we were the type of friends who aren't really friends and don't talk to each other. To be fair, there was a period this summer where I went through a phase and stayed away from Facebook, Twitter, MSN, etc. for weeks upon weeks -- and I only call/text people I hang out with... which is like 1 person aside from family. Hence the phase.... I felt like I was closer to my co-workers whom I had just met than with people I'd known for years. (That's over now: I realize who I want to be a true friend to, and who doesn't really want any association with me outside of school and work).

Just like the last school year, we'd talk and greet whenever we saw each other and (I, at least) would write to her on Facebook in-between those sessions, which were fairly often a week. Our conversations have been fairly earnest too, for example, her grandmother died recently and I offered my emotional support.

And you know what? She didn't seem to notice the period I didn't talk to her (or anyone, for that matter). She's always friendly and honest, and cheerful. (I'm not always cheerful though, ha ha).

Although I have to admit I contacted her a lot more often, but this may be a moot point: over the years I can count on my two hands the number of times friends have contacted me via some means, just to say hi or see what's up. For instance, my Facebook wall consists of people RESPONDING to something I initiated -- I find myself making status messages that stand out, out of some crazy craving for attention. Are you telling me that out of 600 friends, less than 5% want to stay in touch -- and on a once-in-a-blue-moon basis? Nearly everyone I know has at least one person who they talk to nearly EVERYDAY (and multiple times a day if they're frequenting Facebook).

Anyway, she removed me from her Facebook friend's list, and I know I am not over-analyzing this. People do it to me all the time, and I don't really mind for the most part. Yeah for the VAST majority of "friends" I only contact them on birthdays and such, and I know what it is like for "friends" not to write to me so I perfectly understand why people would remove each other from friend's list -- and they'd do it also for preventing perverts: I know some girls out there figure guys just wanna admire their photos -- but all that considered, I thought we weren't like that. I actually want her in my life, because she's one of the most genuine (and my god, the most positive) people I've ever met. I figured that after all my trials with personal relationships this year, I would've at least removed my blindfold and know when someone is just being polite or a friendly acquaintance.

I must've done something that irked her. Maybe she has feelings for me and is mad that I haven't pursued her? I don't know. If so, it is ironic... I'm not seeing anyone anymore, she isn't either, and I feel a lot better now (relatively). Enough time has passed that she won't be the in-between relationships (forgot what you call that). Or maybe, we weren't really friends after all -- just another pair of friendly acquaintances using Facebook as a buffer, if that. Selfish as this sounds, the point is that I want people to trust me or want to know me better........ I'm so tired of not being met halfway. Guess I really should be asking: How do I know who really wants to be my TRUE friend?

-JK

[Summer/2009]

wayy tooo long to read,, just talk to you're friend about how you feel.

problem solved!

[Rehnuma S]

yeah, this is too long for me to read but you should open up to her and talk to her about what's going on (why she doesn't like, etc.) and then you can figure out if she's ur true friend or not.

hope this helped! (=