how does one go about setting up a threesome?

[M W]

I am a girl, and I am relatively open to this and my bf really wants to have one. We know that the third participant needs to be legal and everyone needs to understand what is going to happen blah blah blah

I just have no idea how to even open up such a conversation with a possible third person. Any tips? anyone been through this before? I really want to set this up for my bf. Help!!

[Lorrainey Bainey]

umm... don't have a threesome with another girl that you know... it'll cause drama. go to a club or something, and find her there. i'm totally down for a threesome too, with another girl. haha

[Sophie]

Not a lot of girls are always up for a threesome, and you aren't going to want to have one with a really good friend of yours. If you do, you're risking awkwardness. You know those hardcore girls who party a lot? They're probably your best bet. If you have an acquaintance like that just strike up a conversation. If she's pretty comfortable with her sexuality you'll be able to see it and the whole threesome topic will just come easy. You probably won't find a girl on your first try. Just casually bring up to a couple girls that your boyfriend wants to have a threesome and you need a third person still. If they're interested, they'll bite.

[ken a]

Be best to find someone who is very open to anything otherwise someone may get jealous if left out of any part of the action. The other thing is to decide whether to get a male or female. You will have to ask around your group of friends if you want someone you trust or put an add in the paper if this is to be a one off.

[dancing_smurf]

For starters if you are going to start a talking to people outside of your relationship regarding having a threesome you need to ensure that your boyfriend is in agreement. This means both of you have to talk about the what ifs..., boundaries, concerns, and the type of person you want to invited. Then from there both of you need to come to some type of agreement on how you are going to do the searching for the third person. Once you have reached that agreement you can begin your search.

How to approach the third person is dependent on your style, level of comfort, and your knowledge about the person. So to recommend a style would not work due to the fact it may not meet your needs. Instead I will talk to you about two avenues that can help you begin the conversation of having a threesome without having to worry as much if you are making the right decision. At least if you look at the avenues available then the conversation should flow more naturally thereby saving you the stress of trying to figure out how to approach the topic.

If you are uncomfortable, like most people are, about being direct about wanting a threesome with someone then you might want to consider posting an ad on line on a threesome, swinging, dating, or 'poly' site. Using social networking sites tend to yield poor replies due to the fact threesomes are not their intention and it is a by-product of a possible use for their site. Anyhow by posting an ad you let others know what you are wanting and a bit about yourself. It allows others to approach you and form there you can begin your conversation about having a threesome. The drawback is the money, time involved, and possibly your safety. However if you approach right you should be able to manage alright.

Second avenue available are swingers clubs, both on and off premise. Swingers clubs offer the opportunity to meet face to face people with similar interests and talk to them about it. If the club is managed properly then there should not be pressure to go faster than what you are comfortable with and it will give you a chance to know who you are talking with. The drawback is the cost as a club might be much more expensive then using a dating site. Also people will not necessarily seek you out due to respect for comfort levels and it means you will have to take the initiative. Attending a swingers club does mean you need to be assertive and comfortable talking about your boundaries. For people who are a bit "socially inept", shy, or uncomfortable in groups this can be a major challenge. So, if you find you enjoy threesomes a swingers club might be something you consider after you have had a few experiences.

My recommendation would be try your luck with the on line sites and see what type of success you get. If not then you might want to consider adding a swingers club as a part of your search tools. By looking for opportunities to have a threesome, I believe, it will give you a natural opening to discuss the particulars with the individual and not waste allot of time trying to decide do you bring up the question to that individual.

I hope I have been able to give you an idea of how to approach this and I wish you the best on your journey to have a threesome.