Apathetic towards life and very confused? What's wrong with me?

[Torii]

Ok to start off, I'm 17 years old and currently trying to finish high school. Wait, trying isn't the right word. More like being pushed to finish high school for the sake of my future. I know that school is important and without it I'll live on the streets, have no money and die from drug abuse. But the problem is, I simply don't care. I have no motivation to complete homework or get good grades and I don't know why. I want to have motivation but I don't see a point in caring because I am completely apathetic towards my future, my life, my family...everything. I don't even care if I die at the very moment I'm writing this. I don't want to be like this. I envy all those people who have goals, and are going the right direction with their lives. They seem happy. I don't have a reason to be apathetic or unhappy; I have a caring family, a roof above my head, the privilege of a owning a computer...etc. And yet I'm still like this. I used to feel sympathy towards people and would cry over sad news stories, deaths..., but now I don't care. I've had no school friends for 4/5 years now. It used to depress me, unlike now where I won't even bother trying to make friends or talk to anyone even if someone approaches me. The last time I took an effort, they rejected me, which was 3 years ago. I have OCD tendencies, moderate anxiety, and phobias. Emetophobia (extreme fear of vomiting) is a big one. I've had it for as long I can remember and still to this day have it. It's really interfering with the quality of life. I'm extremely health conscious and have hypochondria as a result minor health issues and other unknown reasons (I wish I knew). Sometimes, all I think about is health, nothing else. Other times, I think I'm dying for no reason or something horrible is happening to me (based on how I feel emotionally and mentally). If I saw a lesbian, I'd think I'm lesbian. If I saw a person with learning disabilities, I'd think I have learning disabilities too. As odd as it sounds, I used to think the only time these thoughts would pass is if I vomited which is something I would never want to do as I'm emetophobic. So then I get stuck with believing those thoughts for a very long time. My older sibling tells me I'm just cold-hearted and evil, and I'm starting to believe it. But I don't want to be evil or cold-hearted. How can I get rid of this apathy in my life? Any suggestions? Thanks for bearing through this lengthy description. All answers will be greatly appreciated.

[☠Curseâ˜]

The cold hearted thing is laughable. You're a human. End of story. They're the same way in their minds.
Can't really say anything. I have 0 motivation as well. But I still do it. What's the point of doing it? What's the point of not doing it? It'll all be held against you in the end. It's a game, and you have one life, you can play it your way, but you can never backspace, or reset. You can drop out of this game, but you can never come back. It all goes on until you finally finish that game, and it's pretty much game over either way. It's just all based on what you do during the game. Everything you do will have effects later...

[Jody]

Apathy and depression go hand in hand.

Sometimes apathy is a result of feeling that you do not have the skill required to confront the challenge ahead. Or from perceiving no challenge at all, as in the challenge (to make friends) is irrelevant, or conversely they have "learned helplessness."

People often care but apathy is the result of social systems (like cliques) actively obstructing engagement and involvement (feeling friendless, defective and rejected over a long period of time); and social media that promotes beauty, glamour, wealth, thinness, health and popularity; and the many ways school, churches, clubs, and other organizations fail to invite others to participate. So you have to approach them, invite yourself. Sign up, join up, help people.

Your circumstances and attitude of resignation may be affectibng you more than you realize, it's just not you, it's them, but you need to start reaching out to poeple, letting them get to know you, you need a social group or hobby you can enjoy. There are thousands of hobbies that are solitary or include others. Find something you love.