What does this girl think of me? are we friends?

[bobbyb1994]

There is this girl in my school, and in 9th and 10th grade I had a crush on her, I think everyone did. This girl is beautiful, and popular, but over the years it has become more apparent that she is a little bit crazy. It is not like she is mentally insane, she just doesn't have much common sense. Shes very nice thought, one of the nicest girls I talk to, and back in 9th and 10th grade i would talk to her alot, and we would be lab partners all the time. I was a coward (i still am) and had one of my friends ask her if she liked me and she said "we'll I think he's nice but I think of him as a friend". Ok! so then about a year later I liked one of her friends, and her friend called me a creep, and this girl called her a "bitch". Now i am in 12th grade, my last year, and me and this girl are back in classes again, we continue to talk, and one day in October, when filling out voter registration forms we found out we live close to each other, ok, not much talk about that until a few days ago then she said a couple days ago "oh, so do you live on ____ st" and she got the street name correct before I even said it. so i showed her a google maps image of my house and for the next couple days shed joke saying she was watching me outside my house, then she said she jogged by it. She jogs by my house when I'm not home though since I dont come home since later in the night from work, so I never get a chance to see her. Thing is I want to see her, I know she doesn't like me, I couldn't even see myself with a girl like her, there's just too much competition out there, and I'm one of those good guys who doesn't drink or smoke pot, but shes one of those girls who does do that (plus lsd and others). However does this mean we can't be friends? can I hang out with her after school, JUST AS FRIENDS? were almost out of high school, but shes a type of girl I want to keep in touch with, shes really nice and I really like how she called her friend a "bitch" because her friend called me a creep (no one really sticks up for me). anyway sorry this is long, thank you for your help though?

[Cam]

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Hi Bobby:

First off, don't call yrself "a coward" It's common for a teenage boy to feel fearful and do exactly what u did: have a friend do some clever reconnaissance: "Do u like Bobby? You do? Yay. You won't be disappointed."

Teenage male egos are surprisingly fragile.

So I'm getting the feeling of a guy who doesn't possess such a great self image. Am I on the mark? Close?

Okay, u need to work on that. With friends and family who love u.

But u'r not interested in all my 'self development' talk, are u? Let's cut to the chase: You say:

"However does this mean we can't be friends? [the drugs] can I hang out with her after school, JUST AS FRIENDS? were almost out of high school, but shes a type of girl I want to keep in touch with, shes really nice and I really like how she called her friend a "*****" because her friend called me a creep (no one really sticks up for me)".

Of course u can be friends even tho she's into drugs. I suspect she'd find it rather refrreshing to hang w/a guy like u who's not into that stuff.

Yes u can hang out w/her after school. Remember ur quite different so there may be some shocks to yr friendship. Just take some deep breathes, relax and keep going.

Remember that emotions are waves up-down-up-down. So if something brings u down w/her, just bear in mind it's temporary, okay?

And most important, DO keep in touch after hs. Keep yr friendship alive even tho u may end up many miles apart. That's a beautiful thing to carry on yr friendship forward into The World

These days, w/fb and twitter and Skype, it's easy to keep a friendship warm.

This girl obviously likes u a lot--as a friend. That showed when she blasted her rude/crude 'friend.'

She was giving u something important there. In a way she was 'taking u under her wing'--not a bad place to be--and I think that is probably the shape yr friendship will take: the socially stronger girl w/the more reticent boy.

I hope that doesn't offend u. I'm trying to be as honest as I u. I'd want that if I were in yr shoes.

Now, one very important caution: do not, in any sense, cling to her--even if u are 'under her wing.' Be yr own man. Be light. Entertain her. Bring her yr perspective, especially as regards the recreational drugs.

One final word: do NOT be drawn into that world in a misguided attempt to please her. No! She respects yr position. She wld not respect u if u stopped being who U are.

Be somewhat more 'forward' than u have been, Bobby. You & she can be good friends. GFI.

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Cam

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