What Would You Do? He's hot/cold, and has hurt me deeply but I don't feel like I can do better?

[Jae]

A month ago I got a random facebook message from a guy I met in college. We exchanged numbers over fb and have been texting on and off ever since. (He even texted me once asking if I wanted to go to dinner with him, but I was too busy unfortunately since I own a small business.) When I see him randomly we’ll hug, and he’ll compliment my clothes and jewelry.

HOWEVER, for the past two weeks he’s been texting me first and when I’d respond he wouldn’t answer me. Then he’d text me many days later apologizing and claiming he was “feeling antisocial/tired/working, etc. But once when I checked his twitter, I saw that he had made plans to chat with a girl online after work. He texted me early the next morning apologizing about how he was SO tired after work, and went to bed right away, which wasn’t true.

He ignored my last text to him for 7 days (when he texted *me* first) BUT THEN, he texted me on Christmas morning at 8:00am apologizing for his late replies, claiming it was because of work/feeling anti-social. He wished me a merry Christmas, and I texted him back hours later and wished him a good one as well. On the 27th he texted me saying that we "had to discuss DJango. We HAVE to." Since both happened to see it on Christmas - separately. I chose to ignore his text for the 1st time ever. The next day he made a "Birthday Event" on Facebook, and invited me. I still haven't responded to it yet but I'm really considering not going. Partly because of what's been going on between us for the past month, but also because I don't have any means of getting there. (We live in different cities and by bus it would take me +2 hours.) What do you think I should do? And would you go to his party??

[Arielle]

STOP IT! STOP OBSESSING over him!! You remember all the details and keep posting. LET. IT. GO.

He is clearly not the relationship type! He ignores your texts sometimes because he gets bored easily and isn't interested. If he has hurt you deeply by making up excuses for constantly ignoring your texts and lying to you then of course you can do better. But you'll keep missing chances to do better if you keep holding onto something that isn't even there. There could be good guys you know right now who are only interested in you, but you wouldn't know it because you're so obsessed with this guy who flirts with many girls. Think about it; if he was really into you he wouldn't constantly ignore you. He would make the effort with you and spend time with you and you wouldn't be hurt, cause if you're sad and crying all the time, you KNOW he isn't worth it. And obviously he's not anti-social if he's talking to girls on Omegle all the time, and lying about it.

You're 21 and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it on some guy who doesn't feel the same. There are millions of more guys out there. So many more at your college and everywhere. Just talk to others and forget him, please!! This obsession is unhealthy! Move on. You must be unsatisfied with all the answers you've gotten so far if you keep asking. You only think you can't do better because you haven't experienced what it is like to be with a good guy. Once you do, you will know the difference. Face up to reality and move on. You've done it before and you can do it again. For the sake of your sanity, please, make the decision to move on and this time stick to it and you will soon find someone better, cause if you cling to him you're just on a train to nowhere.

[weid3232]

I can only say it decide to give this ago with him, Expect the same treatment from him all the time! Save yourself the headache and forget him now. Girl believe me you will find someone eventually, give it time.

[ray jay]

Well this guy is what we in the business like to call a player. Unfortunately for this guy he didn't text you for hours and hours stopping every few minutes to muse you.

I don't want to sound offensive and I know you Jae said you had anxiety issues but this guy is probably just not that interested. If you really want to be with this man I'm sure you will have him but at some unbeknown cost.

If you have been hurt before then you know that guys can be real manipulative. I would say don't drop this guy just yet but if you really want to win him over you are going to have to start thinking about another guy.