What's wrong with me? Do I miss him? Help :(?

[makasmile]

I want to tell you about this relationship with a guy..
I'm 18, never had a boyfriend or anything like that..
On November I met this awesome guy, I instantly liked him, handsome, kind, smart, everything you would want in a boyfriend.. we started dating and I gave him my first kiss. After a couple of weeks I was confused, I liked him but then why I didn't want him to make me surprises? Why didn't I want to meet his friends? Why didn't I feel like kissing him?
He was really into me and I decided to end the relationship not to hurt him.
I soon regretted my choice and we got back together, things were going well but then I realized that the relationship was "a problem" for me..
It was stressfull: like oh noo.. now I have to go out with him, oh no, he's coming out of my school to surprise me, oh no, he wants me to meet all of his friends..
I just felt like I was unable to handle it, not ready, not used to those things he was so familiar with.
His feelings were growing stronger while I was sure of the fact I had to put an end to the relationship, I didn't want him to suffer for me, he's way to nice and sweet to suffer because of ME.. full of doubts not worth it at all...
He acted like he didn't care he told me that well maybe I wasn't the girl for him either. I felt relieved on that 22nd of December.

But then why am I always crying? Why am I missing him all the time? Why am I dreaming of him at least twice a week?It's been more than a month now

I always meet him on saturday night and I can see from the look on his face that he is suffering a lot because of me, I've also deactivated my Facebook account because I couldn't see all the sad songs he shared giving me clear signs...

I just don't know if I feel bad about myself because I actually miss him or just because I feel guilty
Has somebody been through this before?

[Kesco]

You're kinda weird. Lol kidding... but I think you should sort yourself out first before you think of a relationship with him. If you really do like him and want to be with him you should work hard in getting comfortable with the relationship and it would also help you by any other chance of a relationship with someone else. Good luck and work hard.