I feel like a weirdo. Don't know what the hell is going on inside my head.?

[makasmile]

I want to tell you about this relationship with a guy..
I'm 18, never had a boyfriend or anything like that..
On November I met this awesome guy, I instantly liked him, handsome, kind, smart, everything you would want in a boyfriend.. we started dating and I gave him my first kiss. After a couple of weeks I was confused, I liked him but then why I didn't want him to make me surprises? Why didn't I want to meet his friends? Why didn't I feel like kissing him?
He was really into me and I decided to end the relationship not to hurt him.
I soon regretted my choice and we got back together, things were going well but then I realized that the relationship was "a problem" for me..
It was stressfull: like oh noo.. now I have to go out with him, oh no, he's coming out of my school to surprise me, oh no, he wants me to meet all of his friends..
I just felt like I was unable to handle it, not ready, not used to those things he was so familiar with.
His feelings were growing stronger while I was sure of the fact I had to put an end to the relationship, I didn't want him to suffer for me, he's way to nice and sweet to suffer because of ME.. full of doubts not worth it at all...
He acted like he didn't care he told me that well maybe I wasn't the girl for him either. I felt relieved on that 22nd of December.

But then why am I always crying? Why am I missing him all the time? Why am I dreaming of him at least twice a week?It's been more than a month now

I always meet him on saturday night and I can see from the look on his face that he is suffering a lot because of me, I've also deactivated my Facebook account because I couldn't see all the sad songs he shared giving me clear signs...

I just don't know if I feel bad about myself because I actually miss him or just because I feel guilty

Some of my friends tell me that I just feel guilty for him also because he was my first boyfriend or kind of... some other friends tell me that it's not normal to start crying randomly because of this or dreaming him so often.
What's wrong with me? Is there any psychological explanation?
Jabbra I know I may sound like a drama queen, which makes everything even worse because I've NEVER been that kind of girl, making big deals out of anything, especially boys.
This sucks. ://

[Derek]

Easy, you like him. You're just not used to relationship stuff.

[â•šJabbraâ•—]

Psychological explanation? Yeah - Hormones.
This website is soaked full of desperate whiney teenagers who can't make their minds up! You obviously like him so just get with him and stay with him. Who honestly cares what friends think? As you grow up, you'll find yourself not hanging around with 90% of them anyway.

[****]

Your not a weirdo. Maybe it is just taking you longer to be mature enough for a relationship. Maybe your upbringing. Tell him how you feel.

[Rob the Baptist]

Try something and you will see even if you aren't a Christian but being a believer will make it stronger,the next anxiety/depressed/off thought say "in the name of Jesus I circumcise any ungodly thought"then when that works learn spiritual warfare and bind evil powers with the Angelic powers Jesus gives to us all,especially Christians.God bless you
Jesus can and will help.