I wasn't invited to my bestfriends party?

[dontask.]

I'm really not sure what to do... My best friend is 14 and we go to different schools. We're really close, like we've gone on holiday together and everything. I never had a birthday party for my 14th so obviously I didn't invite her. She got me such a nice necklace for my birthday anyway. Yesterday I went on facebook to post on her wall for her birthday & did so, but loads of people were like 'happy birthday, can't wait until later!' I kind of ignored it and thought well maybe someone else is throwing her a party and then obviously I wouldn't be invited because I don't know her friends. Anyway, I posted on her wall saying I'll give her her card and present when I next see her etc and she was like cool But then this morning I went on facebook and there are TONS of pics of her birthday party at her house with loads of people I know she's not even that close friends with! It kind of upset me a little... & now I'm not sure what to do about her present, I was just going to give her money... I know I sound like a b**** saying I may not give her the present because she didn't invite me to her party... am I being too harsh? What would you do? I don't want to ask her about it either so please don't suggest that... :/

[andy miller]

Maybe she's not as big of a friend as you think.

[Niall]

If you are best friends it's probibily implied that you will go.
Unless you have fell out
The only way to know for sure is to ask your friend
I'm sure they jus forgot to ask you

Xo

[Someone To Help]

That might be the only thing you can do. Unless you want to end your friendship (which is wrong), you should just gently coax a conversation into it.

[Alice T]

I had that same experience, my friend didn't invite me to her party but when it came down to my birthday a few months later I thought 'y'know what, we live once. I shouldn't be petty'. So i invited her and we all had a great time. I guess because she's in a different school she thought you wouldn't feel comfortable around her new friends. Maybe because you didn't have a party she didn't invite you to hers. But since she got you something for your birthday I'd say its fair to give her something in return, give and do to others what they give and do to you i guess. Just throw a rad party next year and forget to invite her

[Stacey]

That's a really crappy thing to do to you're best friend! :/ I would be the bigger person and go up to her with her card & her present and say with thee biggest smile on you're face "Happy Birthday! Hope you enjoyed you're party, it looked really fun " Then just see what she has to say. If she doesn't even acknowledge the fact that you obviously know she had a party & that you did not get an invite...Then I'm sorry to say that she doesn't really sound like a good friend to me. This would really hurt my feelings tbh, so I can't even imagine how you're feeling. Hope it works out for you.

[Leanne]

No you are not over-reacdting - this is extrremely hurtful and I can understnd how surprised and upset you must feel, and bewildered too.

I know you dont want to askl her, but I really think you have to be brave cos this is the only way forward. If you don't , the unanswered question of why she didn't, will hang over you forever and eat away at you.

Maybe you don't want to confront her because you don't want to make things worse, or have a row, or end up not friends at all. What if there was a way of talking to her without any of those things happening,but finding out the truth of the matter and maybe becoming closer friends as a result?

First off,is there any way she could possibly have misunderstood about your own birthday, and thought that you excluded her from something,anything? Has she had any history of being spiteful or vengeful to you because of arguments or misunderstandings? Had you had any sort of falling out or conflict in the lead up to the party? Is it remotely possible that she DID invite you by some form of communciation that failed, or even thought she'd invited you and never realized she'd forgotten to mention it?

Give her the present anyway and leave the chat till slightly after. Maybe you could approach the subject in a calm, friendly but concerned way and say something along the lines of 'I saw on facebook that you had a good party and to be honest, I was quite hurt that you didnt invite me. Have I done anything to upset or offend you, was that why Iwasn't invited? If I have, I want know so I can make things right between us - I really value our frinedship and I look on you as my best friend.' Try to leave any sounds of accusation or blame out of your voice to avoid triggering guilt which could turn to defensiveness in her, but make yoru voice sound calm, caring and concerned. If there IS something that she has harboured some bad feelings about but beenunable to voice them, this might give her the courage to explain.

This is always the possibility that the friendship between you is fading.

If you really can't bring yourself to speak to her, maybe yoru mothr coudl have a word with her mother, and see if any light can be shed.