College Graduation Facebook Invitation Etiquette - How do we decline and is a gift necessary?

[Leah]

My Aunt has invited us to another gathering for another one of her kids hoping for money or gifts, yet again. (She has 5 kids, 4 are adults and one has married and moved out.) This gathering happens to be for my cousin who is only a couple years younger than me. She graduated with a psychology degree from an online school and so her mom is throwing her a graduation party. The invites were through a Facebook invitation event but it's a super huge deal and everyone she knows is invited. I was under the impression that the huge graduation open houses ended after high school and that the college graduation celebrations were more immediate or supportive family and close friends.

Even though they are adults, my aunt throws each offspring birthday parties, graduation parties and other stuff. Even though we are all around the same age, my brother and I are considered separate units because we have both married and have both moved out from the parental units. So their unit of 6 send out Christmas cards and gifts together while my family has to send out 3 different sets for each person for each function because we have technically moved out and are our own families. Also, the kids are very ungrateful. In the past each kid has gotten a gift for these random parties and the Mom is the one to thank us. And when we showed up to this particular cousin's 21st birthday she ignored us and was rude to the people who she did talk to.

So putting aside their tackiness and rude behavior, what is the proper etiquette for all of us to decline this invite? Can my parents, my family and my brother's family go together with one "Congratulations" card even though we don't live together? Again, we're all around the same age as the cousins. Should money be put in it from all of us, even though they have a couple parties a year expecting money while we keep our graduations and birthdays within our immediate family?

Or do each of our family units send a "Congrats" card? And do we each put in money/gift yet again?

OR can we just decline the Facebook event with an apology, no cards, and no money sent?

Telling them to "shove it" sounds justified but I'm hoping for something closer to proper etiquette. Thanks!

[HappyChip]

This does all sound a bit much.

I take it your family are all of the same mind about this -- i.e. none of you particularly wants to go to this thing, let alone shell out yet more money; you're all a bit fed up of the constant gatherings, etc?

I see no reason whatsoever for money or other gifts to be given for a graduation for someone over the age of 21, particularly for some qualification gained from an online school. Perhaps I'm doing your cousin an injustice -- is it a proper Bachelor of Sciences degree?

I think it would be fine for just a card to be sent. I suppose she should really get 3 cards from each "unit", unless your parents wrote one on behalf of the whole family. You do need to reply to the invitation to the gathering, but a polite note on the card(s) regretting you will all be unable to be present would be okay.

[Judy/Julia]

politely decline on facebook
they did not send an invite, i find that rude
one does not invite family via FB