What does no contact rule mean?

[Sami]

My boyfriend of two years broke up with me just this week. It was just the week before that he was saying that he wanted me always and we have talked about marriage. So this came so out of the blue to me. He broke up with me cause he says he isn't happy in the relationship and feels he should be more excited about the thought of marrying me. He says he still wants to remain friends though. And he still wants to give christmas gifts. I'm just devastated about everything. I really love and care about him. I really hope he comes to realize he made a mistake. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I decided not to reach out to him in any way. He has texted me everyday since the break up making casual conversation. Is it ok that I am responding to this? I need some advice please

[Vamp]

Sadly, it can be very difficult to work through your feelings over a break-up while still keeping in frequent contact with the other person.

The point is that you still love him and care for him so the contact for you involves those kind of feelings. At the minute your contact isn't about being friends. Until you have dealt with the ffelings you do have, and the consequences of the break-up, then you are not in a position to decide whther you are able to be friends. This is not a question of logic but emotion and those emotions have to be dealt with before anything else.

As a cynic, I also feel that people who break-up a relationship in this way, then expect that the other person will still be there for them are rather wanting to have their cake and eat it too. They want their life to change in the way they want but without having to lose anything. They are no longer making a commitment but still expect the other person to go on as though nothing has happened. This is unfair. If they do not want to commit to a relationship, why should they expect to be able to have the advantages of a relationship?

The point is that, as long as you go on in the way you are, you will continue hoping that he will change his mind. For you the relationship has not ended nor are you prepared to let it go.

The relationship has ended and hanging onto it will not change that. Nor will continuing to support him and being a friend make any difference. if anything, that is just reducing for him the upset of the break-up. You should not have any illusions as to why he is continuing to call you - it is because it makes HIM feel better - it has nothing to do with you.

The "no contact" rule means precisely that. You don't text, you don't call, you don't email, you don't share social media of any kind, you don't see each other, you don't let other people tell you about them or what they are doing and you DEFINITELY don't give presents. And you keep that up until you are both over each other and have moved on.

A good measure of the point at which you have got over it is when you no longer think about them every day. That time is different for everyone. Once you have reached that stage then you can decide whther you want to be friends - and what sort of friendship it is going to be. Most people find they do not want or cannot be friends

In the meantime, you keep yourself busy, you go out with other friends, you find new things to do.

No contact works.