23 year old guy, quite lonely as find it difficult to make friends. What should I do?

[cfcnordic]

Hi, this is related to a previous question I have asked so first here is the link to it:
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...515AAND6b4
To summarise, I am quite anxious and nervous around people and people rarely if ever approach me to talk to me. I don't really get invited to anything as I guess I just come across as awkward and a bit weird. My other question says more about why I am like this, just due to what I experienced when growing up like bullying, being very overweight, and not a happy home life. I was a late developer (and i think i still have some growing to go yet) I work out a lot now and have been told by many people that I have become 'beautiful' and look like a film star or a model. I get eyed up alot but never know how to deal with it and just get really nervous and shy. I don't mean to sound up myself, its just that generally people who are supposedly seen in this way are expected to act really confident but i don't. Im working on it though as saw my doctor about stuff and was referred for therapy etc. I didnt really make any friends at university (also the course was quite challenging and I had to study a lot) due to how I am. I do have a few friends but I would like to have a small or medium group of friends that are close and maybe even a partner, as I haven't had one before. I don't really have any experience in that area (just to say I like both women and men and have recently come to terms with it). I just find it difficult to talk to people I don't know cos I get really nervous and say really stupid things, plus Im not really a clubber, as its not really for me. I hve been a few times but I just don't happen to joy it. Plus I do find them quite intimidating too. I am getting better with talking to people and am trying to be myself more and more around people as underneath all the defences and everything, I'm a really funny, quite loud, really accepting, openminded, nice guy. I know it takes time to build friendships but I can be quite stand offish and disinterested sometimes without realising it and have to catch myself before I do it, sometimes I don't though. Just something I learnt to do I guess. Plus I worry about if people that I get on with find out I don't have many friends at all, would they just stop talking to you cos it shows there could be something wrong with you or would they be understanding about it, generally i mean. I am actively sorting all these things out but any advice anyone has on this would be cool as I know it is uncommon to find someone of my age who is socially awkward and inexperienced. I used to be ashamed of this and tried to cover it up so I may have come across as fake or like I was hiding something. I don't do that now though cos being ashamed doesn't solve the problem. Thanks for any advice!

[xpatinasia]

Speak with a doctor. You've posted this nonsense several times, and it's obvious that your post is a hoax.

[HotterThanWasabi]

I haven't read the whole passage. From the looks of it all you are talking about is how bad it is, the situation you're in, and a whole mix of things like in a soup. Your mind is like mud in the forest with bugs and insects and leaves and sticks and smell. And when it smells no one wants to be near it. You have to clear up your pond. Make it clear. Like water. Everyone likes water.

[Mαη ιη Bℓυe]

Before you try to make new friends, it's important to spend some time working on yourself. The more well-rounded a person you're, the easier it'll be to talk with others. Brush up on current events, take up a new hobby; anything that you can do to become more comfortable with who you're.
The second step in making friends is finding potential friends. When looking for potential friends, the best places to start are also the easiest. Do you work with others? Do you know someone who has a large circle of friends? Could you join a group or organization to increase the number of people that you are in contact with? It's important not to be too picky in the beginning. Anyone could be a potential friend; first impressions are not necessarily the best indicators of who could become a long-term friend.
Make sure to get contact information for the people that you meet. Telephone, email, instant messaging, & social networking sites like Facebook are all great ways to keep in touch. The most critical step in making friends is both accepting invitations & making plans with others. Do your best not to turn down any invitations. If you turn people down often enough they will stop asking you to do things. By the same token, you shouldn't always expect the other person to make plans. Though making plans can be a challenging task for those with SAD, it's important to show others that you're interested in them & want to get together. Once you begun to form friendships, it's important to stay in touch. Over time you'll come to learn how often certain people stay in touch. Be sure to do your part to contact your new friends & make plans. With the ease of online communication, there isn't any reason why you can't keep in touch with those that you meet. I wish you all the best!

[Babyface]

You are not the only one. And you know it. When the time comes you'll find someone special.
You say you are improving, that's good. Keep on trying to talk to people and be confident and optimistic. Get to know your friends well. Hang out with them and spend time with them. It's okay if you don't want to go to clubs. Go to movies or go out to eat something. There are other places and activities you can do besides drinking and clubbing. Like going to swimming, or a park. Interacting with people can help you find someone special. People won't leave you when they'll find out that you don't have many friends. People will leave you if something bad happens, you did something wrong or when these people are not interested to be your friends(these people are usually attention seekers, they'll come to you when they are lonely but will leave you when they don't need you. If your friend who left you is like this, forget about this one and look for some other friends). Try to be friends with everyone. Add them in your contacts. Like you can exchange phone numbers with them or if you are in a social networking site like facebook you can add them as your friends. Message them every now and then, share photos and posts.. You don't have to impress them. Just be yourself and be a good friend. Listen to them when they talk, help them when they need help or ask for help, congratulate them when they win something or when they tell you a good news.In short be nice and polite. Don't worry too much. Yes it's true that sometimes we are not aware of what is going around us and the people around us and we might say or do something wrong without intending to hurt them. In that case when you realize your mistake, give them your sincerest apology.
Take care.