Are some people meant to be losers all their life?

[Ego]

I am 26 and I have just found out what I want to do with my life and I am reaching my goals surely but slowly. I still have the feeling of not belonging. I often go on twitter and I browse these young celebs pages and they seem to be living the life. They look so beautiful and happy and optimistic like they have purpose. They even have these huge extended families (something that I have always wanted.)

Here I am. I just moved to a rural town and I don't really know anyone. it's just my daughter (she's 7) and I. I have family about 2 hours away but I am not close with them. When I go to gatherings I don't feel like I am part of the loop. I just want to be part of some loop, to have some family togetherness feeling. I have a brother but we are not the close at all.

I would like it if my brother and I were close, that we'd go out together, that he'd be supportive that he didn't put his friends over me. I think all I am good for is borrowing money from. My mother and I are close but she's about 2 hours away too trying to get herself settled.

There was one time in my life where I felt this is the life. I am loved and I am happy and that was way back in the 90's where I had my grandmother, aunts, and uncles. We'd come together all of the time and have gatherings. I loved my life but then I lost them, 3-4 relatives in a row and on top of that I had to move 2 hours away with just my brother and mother in a different town where we knew no one. That was the end of it. I never had that happiness ever again.

So I start school tomorrow and at first I was excited but now I am nervous and just want to get it over with. I already know that I am going to be surrounded by a bunch of fresh out of high schoolers. I can't relate to them. They remind me of the life I could have had but I sort of threw it away and now I know why; I had no guidance. I needed someone. My mother was working and not there. I had so much freedom and no stability. My father doesn't claim me and now I am here. I see these young kids and they have many friends, go to parties, look glam, and just seem to have a good life. For all my life except that period when I was very young and happy I feel that I never had friends and if they were good people I pushed them away any way not giving them a chance to be friends.

I'll be 30 soon which is pretty old and no one cares about you as you get older. I just want to find that place where I feel like I am home. I don't have any friends with the exception of one but she's a package deal because whenever we hang out she's with her family, her husband and daughter so she can't be a friend, friend you know? They are the type of people that like to hang but I only like to hang out for 2 hours not 4 or 6.

I feel that being social would be good but nowadays people just drain me. When I was younger I loved to be out and about around different kinds of people but now that I am older I just don't feel the same and because of this I fear that I'll die a lonely woman. I don't seem to relate with younger people or people my age. I really enjoy being around older people like in their 50's and 70's. I wish that at my old age that I could get adopted into some family where I would have a large family but I know that wouldn't feel the same.

I used to think I'll get married and my husband's family would be my family but now I don't think I want a husband.