WHAT TO DO WITH A CONTROLLING HUSBAND, Anybody else out there?

[Misses]

Just need some suggestions on a controlling husband. He's so insecure n i dont know why. He won't allow me to have a cell, facebook, email. One of his friends told him thats the way we meet other men. Its sooo stupid. I use these sights for my schooling, I'm going to school to become a teacher assistant. Not only that, he doesn't allow me to walk by myself?? We live in a small town. When I was younger I was able, but it became one thing after the other, and now I look at my life and I am totally being controlled by him. Everyday I go to school, he asks what time my classes end and I have to be home right away. I have kids and a home with him, but look forward to living my own life for once. I'm 35 and been with him since I was 16. He wasn't always like this, but its getting worse not better. Any suggestions out there. please help.

[Legandivori]

RUN from him as fast as your legs can carry you, and take the kids. He demonstrates behavioral and emotional psychological problems, and of course, he'd laugh at you if you said this to him, and he;d certainly refuse to get tested by an adult outpatient psychiatry until of a hospitial for all pasych disorders: Anxiety disorders, emotional disorders and behavioral disorders and get a professional workup, written eval and diagnosis, then start weekly therapy and possible psychiatric medication, which could take years anyway to change his behaviors. I am so very serious. YOu must however, tell him NOW he has long been very abusive and ultra controlling and you are not going to stand for itl Tell him only once.... do not answer him if he starts in about it. If he comes after you, go to the police and say he threatou. If he pushes or strikes you, grabs a knife, throws things, etc, if he strikes you, go to the cops right then and there, period,. and press assult charges aginst him and seek a criminal order of protectioin immediately aginst his being anywhere near you anywhere you go, and have the order cover your chiuldren. If you think the standing up to him would enrage him to do this, do not do it, except to say he is long abuivoe and ultra contrioll;ing, period. and wiolak away.l ,.

The progression he is showing sometimes winds up in violence against the spouse.To prevent this, leave ten minutes after when he leaves for work, take his gold and silver and your belongings for the divorce lawyer payments. This is most serious....

This is a no brainer, because you have been the victim of his emotional abuse for a good while:
He has undiagnosed mental problems, for real, from my experiences.

MOZVEZ OUT THIS WEEK, period... SAY NOTHING TO HIM ABOUT YOUR PLANS< Tell no one except a person or two who'd promise to keep it on the QT and to help you move THIS WEEK preferabl;y and keep this all silent. From there, you will seek a divorce lawyer. You have grounds of ongoing emotional abuse.

Right after he leaves for work, take his gold and silver ( which are at all time high to sell), all the cash you can, other valuables, any and the MOST cash advances you might be able to make on his credit cards, your stuff, your cell phone and charger, your laptop, the kids and their stuff, and leave. I;d leave before the week is over, for sure, and as soon as possible.

If you need to finish this term's courses, w(hich I feel you should not, being under duress) bear with it until the school is out for the summer, but do not give him any indication anything is wrong, except have headaches to excuse yourself from sex each time.and have a doctor tell you to refrain from intercourse due to something for a few months. IN fact, if you must stay until June 29, go the to the gyno and say you have pain there...then refrain from all sex...

The day you leave, you might have to send the kids to school, and once moved with all their stuff, pick them up from school by calling the sh cool and ask gin for early dismissal...

*********Do not give him any idea you are leaving. If there are two cars and he leaves you with one, take it.

*******Move where he'd NEVER expect you to live. Have mail forwarded to a PO box where you could ask someone to get it for you. Change cell number the moment he leaves for work. Block his e-mails to you and the kids on regular email, facebook, twitter, etc. Home school the kids for the remainider of the year if necessary. If you get him out via arrest and ciminal order of protection, you could stay in the home, but inform the school he can;t come for or near his kids.

He does not love you. He has no use for you. That does not mean you arena;'t a good lovable person. He is mentally unstable, has no respect for you... this is mental abuse. etc. He has serious clinical depression most likely too.

*****Do not tell him any of this for you own sake. BTW: Is the car in your name? If so, Of the title is in your name, please take it, change all locks etc. IT IS legally yours. If he is the one who take it to work, but you have extra keys, by all means, get it when he is at work on the QT....

Before you leave, take good pictures of every room, closet, etc where you live. Make sure you show all property, including some valuables of his in draws. If he claims you tow had nothing, a judge will see HIM a liar if you produce pictures. Also photograph the car.

For your sake, leave NOW. As for your school aged kids, I have a feeling they resent dad and want not much to do with h dad. They must be aware of all this.

*******By leaving, you are teaching the kids that wife cannot be treated like a dog. He cannot change without a lot of pro help for years, despite all promises.

Also, do no let his begging to take him back influence you. HE CANNOT DO THIS without tons of years of psych help.

[Jim]

One word - Taser.