Obsessed/in love with all the girls my boyfriend cheated on me with?

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My boyfriend and I have been together almost five years. I seem to have an obsessive interest and attraction to not only his ex girlfriends, but two girls he has been unfaithful to me with - some of whom I have never met. This has been happening from the start.

I sexually fantasize about them, I stalk them regularly on social networking sites, essentially I have this weird, f**cked up attachment to them, like I can't let go of the past. The irony is I'm pretty ambivalent about my relationship with my boyfriend now. I used to love him more than I valued living, and I feel like part of this is residual trauma from when he cheated on me.

Clearly there's something wrong with me, but what is it? I must be hella repressed, because even I can't rationalise it. Also, may I add, apart from this one weird trait, I am a relatively normal, sane, functional nineteen year old girl. I'm just tired of this shameful, inexplicable baggage.

[Corey]

I think your trying to feel the way he felt being with them . Even by just fantasizing.
In some way you are still attached to him, but don't want to admit it so you obsess over his past lovers as a cover up craze?
Try to keep him & all of the people you now fantasize about out of mind.
It's like when you get over a break up, just keep busy with things that have nothing to do with them.
Most definitely stop stalking them through social media, or in anyway.
If you're genuinely a rational common 19 year old, you'll make sense of your situation & be fine soon enough!

[Ryan]

maybe you want to be them, you want to have what your boyfriend see's in them, because you like him

[Kylie]

Slow down. Take a few breaths.


Stop worrying about the fantasies themselves. Instead, why are letting your boyfriend abuse you? He is constantly cheating on you. It may be that you are unconsciously trying to get him back by psychologically cheating on him with those girls.

If he was the first to admit it to you his unfaithfulness and he is truly sorry, it's good to forgive him. But don't stay in the relationship! He needs time to mature outside of the relationship.

You may need to explore your own sexuality, you never know what you might find.

[Arthur]

Meh, finger yourself to what feels good and worry less....

[zubair]

love simply talk to him about them and tell me to tell me every single detail and when asking these question be a sexy women and once you talk about it have fun and in you off time write what he told you and what you feel like put it down on a paper take it of your head and you think alot about him thats what make you think about his past relationships and try to get your self busy in different stuff and have crazy sex. Also try its ancient practice if a women feels what you are feeling like they use to tell there womens to make funny picture and write jokes about their ex and some time make their women finger him to let her feel she is the dominant one and when she is fingering them they made them think about their ex to take it out on them in a different way. I know its a weird thing but it did worked.