How can I deal with my current relationship situation?

[anon]

I have been with my girlfriend for over 2 years now. I general we are a very normal couple, we see each other regularly and we occasionally argue etc, just like anyone else.

However for the past year or so, since we became most comfortable with each other, she has started being fairly abusive to me. Not to the point of me needing help, but she'll often just pick out my bad points (weight, ugliness etc) and I can't actually remember the last time she complimented me. She hits me and such too, while she isn't able to overpower me at all I've never harmed her physically back, but it's the notion behind her abuse that is the problem. She never even apologises, as if she hasn't done anything wrong.

I treat her well, spoil her on birthdays/christmas etc and I call her every day or stay at her house at least once a week. I am very good to her, I have always been loyal and while I have made my mistakes like everyone, I have never done anything (at all!) that would be considered 'mean' or abusive or anything like that. I love her.

Heres my main problem : every time we argue it tends to be over nothing in particular, and mainly because she starts it. I'm not to say that I don't occasionally make mistakes, because I do, but when I do I admit my wrongs and apologise as appropriate. However if for example we argue and SHE has done something wrong, she won't admit it. She'll argue her case repeatedly even if I have proven otherwise or if I have shown her wrongs, even if I tell her I'm not angry she is still never wrong. While we argue she is often sarcastic, makes fun of me, uses abuse as part of her argument like saying 'I'm doing it because you're fat' etc, she even tells me that she will keep doing it until I lose weight or until I am less ugly, or things like that. Generally not too nice when I have never done anything like that.

The main problem is that whenever I continue to argue or continue to tell her that I have proven her wrong and she needs to accept what he is done (you know, being stern and mature) she gets upset very easily and tends to cry. Me being the considerate boyfriend that I am, I try to just comfort her because I don't want her to cry at the end of the day, so I am very understanding. However, when she cries, she immediately turns the argument around as though I have suddenly done something wrong because she has started crying. It's impossible. I have no way out, I have done nothing wrong and there is absolutely nothing I can do.

The worst of it is when she continues like this, and I try to be responsible and say that I will stop talking to her until she calms down and can accept what she has done, that I'm not angry and I love her, etc. This often leads her to simply carry on, acting as though I have done some horrific thing, she calls me a bad boyfriend and tells me how much I 'suck', as though I have to abide by her way of thinking or I am wrong.

Nearly every time it'll get to the point where I simply ask her to stop talking to me and to think, and that just leads her to continue saying that I am choosing not to talk to her because I don't love her, and things like that. Given that I spend quite a lot of my time talking to her when we are both at college, this is rather unfair and I don't know what to do.

She even tweets me or posts things on Facebook suggesting that I have done things wrong, and even when I restrict her access she treats that as though I've done more things wrong, so it's literally one big catch 22, I'm stuck in an endless loop of being abused and then being punished for caring. It's impossible.

The most annoying thing is when she does all of that, and sometimes I have gotten to the point where I tell her I am breaking up with her, like stop talking to her and just move on with things. This leads her to post more things on Facebook or Twitter suggesting again that I am mistreating her or something similar. If I tell her I don't want to talk to her she'll post on F/T that I am ignoring her and that she's crying and so if I do not reply to her message I simply look like a bad boyfriend and a nasty person and that's really not what I am at all.

This has gone on repeatedly for the past year of our relationship and I'm out on a limb, I have no idea what I can do because every time I try to break up with her she tells me she loves me and she's going to miss me, as if none of it has happened. I am very ill lately and she has continued her actions regardless.

Please. Someone. Help.

Thanks

T

[Beans]

Honestly, if she's as bad as you are making her out to sound - break up with her, cut all contact, block her on social networking sites, delete her number (maybe change yours too) and avoid her.

You'll find as soon as she can't contact you, you'll probably start feeling better about yourself and move on with your life. It's up to her to move on with hers because by the sounds of it, she'd be the one missing out, not you. You may love her, but it doesn't sound like she loves you (sorry).

[Danika]

Based on what you have said, it seems she is either unhappy or insecure within herself. I can sit here and speculate but it truely sounds like she has some issues that aren't going away. Her emotions seem very irrational and I don't believe that you should be compromising your happiness and mental well being.

I understand you love her, and she may say that she loves you too... but you don't treat someone you love in this manner. It sounds to me that she feels inadequate about the relationship.

I think the best thing you can do for YOURSELF, is to break it off. Sure it will be hard, but you need someone who is more emotionally stable and who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

[hiddenmyname]

To be honest you need to break up with her permanently. She is abusive and it will only get worse. She's acting like a child and has to have her own way - as you say you cant win so you will be the one upset by it all. She doesnt love you because if she did she wouldnt treat you like this. Call her bluff - if she loves you she will get counselling for her problems. The fact you are ill and she still does it just proves she's horrible. End it and dont talk to her. Block her on fb and her phone number.

[Bthedancer15]

This girl is not someone you need to be with. This is an unhealthy relationship. Break up with her, she obviously has some kind of problem and needs help.