My daughter is being bullied again.?

[AlysrianXian]

I recently switched my daughter out of her old school, that she attended Kindergarten at, because she was being bullied. I don't mean normal "teasing" or name calling. She had been punched in the face numerous times by a little boy, and I decided to do what's called a "school choice". I swapped her to a different school that was about a little farther away.

The school was also doing things such as losing her for 3 hrs total, DURING school. Yes, the teacher put her on a public bus during class and acted like it was no big deal (they later tried to act like this never happened, and then tried to blame my daughter). We were in hysterics, and the cops were called. That was a horrible time for us. Now, my daughter has developed RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). After that, everytime the bullying occurred the school never told me about it. They told me, “they are just learning their social ques still”. Yup, it was excused and the teachers/principal even tried to blame my daughter for causing her bully's wrath. She was also being put in the principal's officer after school, by herself, with him. After I raised a stink about him being alone with my child, and all the other issues, he attempted to call CPS because according to him “your daughter doesn't like cold showers”. No shit. I don't like cold showers either. Told them to call CPS, which they never did, and I switched her school immediately. If only you could have been a fly on the wall for that conversation! My attorney wrote a letter to the school board. The principal has since been fired via my complaint to the school board. (Let's not even get into how the Kindergarten teacher was talking to the 5 yr olds in her class about the specifics of sex, and the principal claiming it wasn't a big deal!)

Now, in 1st grade at the new school, she is being bullied by 4 boys and not just one. Instead of being punched, she is being shoved down into the snow and her face being slammed into the ground. She also has parts of her lunch going missing (only the good parts). The teacher noticed that she is being teased whenever she speaks in front of the classroom by these boys.

I didn't even know about this recent bullying, as my daughter doesn't want to speak about it. I only found out because she received what's called a Best Bear Letter. This means that she did something awesome at school and was rewarded for it. It's rare for a student to get this award, as it's a fairly medium sized school and only 2 people per grade as assigned the award per month.

Obviously, I asked her how she received it. Apparently, when they pushed her down, she didn't push back. Wow. So, my daughter got bullied a month ago, she didn't hit them back...and they rewarded her. THIS is how I found out she was being bullied. The school NEVER told me.

When I questioned her teacher at the recent PTC (parent teacher conference)...all the teacher said was that she was being "teased". When I expressed my displeasure over the teasing, I heard the same excuse that they gave me before (“social ques”). Nothing about her lunch going missing, or her head being slammed onto the ground. The teacher didn't even mention the award!! I'm so angry!

Instead of having to deal with issues involving the school like last time, I decided to just have my husband (AD military stationed in another state) just send an email. My husband's email pretty much said to please keep an eye on her and to make sure this situation is under wraps. I felt like last time, I might have been a little too “helicopter” mommy. I have a strong personality...I just want to make sure that it's not my personality that might be also causing my daughter problems with school.

I'm just wondering, as a normal parent who is obviously not involved in my daughter's life (and not biased)...what you would do as a parent? What steps would you take? I'd like to not make a big deal out of this, like I did the last time (I guess I made too big a deal out of her getting punched??).

I have already informed my daughter to hit them back, which I am usually against, but she refuses to be “mean”. She also will not insult them or tattle on them. She refuses to tattle because her previous teacher used to give her time outs in the ISS for tattling. (Don't get me started on this!) I'm unsure what else we should do at this point.

What do we do if the bullying continues? I can't change her school again, as the school board will assume it's a problem with parents and not her school/students. Should I just home school her? Do I take her out of school immediately the next time something happens? If something happens, another email? Talk to the principal?
I should also add that my daughter excels at school. She LOVES school. I am trying NOT to home school her simply because she loves GOING to school. She also has other friends in the class, but I feel that if the bullying continues...is anywhere really safe for her to go? This is 4 boys, acting together in a little group. It sounds horrible, but I really wanted to slam THEIR faces into the sidewalk myself, but I'd also rather not be arrested. -.-'

I just need some advice from someone who isn't really angry at this newest bullying situation. By the way, according to her new school. There is no such this as bullying at this young of an age. According to them 1st grade is too young for bullying. Yup. That's their official stance when I questioned them about the teasing.
I also CAN'T contact the parents. The school has a strict policy that we cannot ask for their private information. If I somehow followed them home and knocked on the parent's door of one of the kids, that's okay. But, I cannot ask for phone numbers. The parents of these kids do NOT attend any PTAs, PTCs. I attend everything and have never met them for my daughter's class.
Well, this is 1st grade and this school doesn't offer Kindergarten. So, everyone is new. She is being picked on because she attends speech and has turned into a shy kid in the past year. She is very outgoing at home, but at school her attitude has completely shifted to the shy kid (she wasn't like this before the horror school). She wasn't like this at the last school.

We were told she is being teased (with the name calling), at the new school because she can be shy and has a slight speech delay. It's not horribly bad. She only attends speech classes once a month, and will not have to attend next year. We're fairly certain the speech delay and the shyness is the reason she is being bullied.

I have a feeling like pushing her down, etc, is not the only thing that will happen. Bullies that get physical, especially in groups, usually do NOT stop with one attack. The teasing and stealing her lunch, is just icing on the cake for me.

I just want to be prepared.
Oh, due to confidentiality with the principal being fired. The new school has no idea what happened at the old school. I haven't even mentioned her previous bullying experiences. They think we just moved here recently and bought our house. Being military, it gave them the perfect excuse to act like we were brand new to the area (we've been here 5 yrs). It IS a small town though, and I wouldn't be surprised if somehow they DID catch wind of my getting him fired. At the moment though, there have been no hints to her "past bullying" life.

[hi]

That is so wrong in so many ways! I'm only 15 but maybe you should try and get in contact with those boys mothers and fathers and explain whats been happening. If the school or parents won't take any action maybe you could go on one of those news shows explaining your story.( in Australia there is one called today tonight)
I hope it helped and I'm so sorry about your daughter being bullied, I know what it's like..

[Christine]

As a child i moved around a lot (parents job) so I ended goint to at least 12 different schools.
One thing I can tell you is that different schools have completely different cultures and views on bullying.
It sounds to me that the first school was awful and you did right taking her out of there. The second school sounds like it is trying to do something, but maybe not enough and also maybe they want to avoid telling you exactly what is going on (maybe they have heard what appened in the last place).

If she has got friends in this school, the push was the only physical bulling that happened and it is not affecting your daughters self esteem you may want to consider letting her stay in the second school for a bit longer. Bullies tend to go for easy targets. She may have been an easy target because she was the new kid, but they may move onto someone else as she is no longer new.

If you do feel that the bulling is affecting her change schools. Have a good look at the next school and ask about their feelings about bullying and what strategies they have to prevent it. Some schools assign new students an older mentor to help them get aquanted with their new school. Of the schools I have been to there was only 1 school that was excelent at dealing with bullying and maybe 2 or 3 that were pretty good. So make sure you look around.

[Forever]

My daughter is very soon to be ten years old and I cannot imagine how this feels for you. I would be absolutely devastated that she was being bullied and astounded that nobody was taking measures to protect her.

The first thing I would do is arrange a meeting with the teacher and the principal. I would come in to the meeting with a kind demeanor. I would hand each member of the meeting a piece of paper with the definition of bullying on it, statistics for bullying and information about when bullying starts and if it is present in the first grade. I would also include any federal or state laws pertaining to bullying and its consequences. I would then state the reason I called the meeting. I would introduce myself and provide my child's name, age and grade. After the formalities, I would make it abundantly clear that the school and myself are partners in my daughters education. I would clarify that I am her first, and most important, teacher. I would continue by stating the reason I chose for my child to attend this particular school. (Because of ratings or hearing good things, do not mention the old school and what happened, it has no relevance.) I would then state that, as her mom and the final authority over her education, I choose to delegate said authority over her education to the school and reserve the right to intervene whenever I see a problem. I would then state the problem and mention that, despite efforts to communicate with the teacher and principal, the problem is ongoing and increasing in intensity and frequency.

I would continue by stating my frustration as a parent, on behalf of my child, and my astonishment that the school seems to have no policy to safeguard its student body against such behavior. I would then cite the short and long term consequences of bullying on the individual being bullied. (I would pull this resource from the internet, anything by a renowned psychiatrist will do, and provide the printed information to the school.) I would further state that it is quite clear that bullying can apply to first graders and that their refusal to acknowledge that only encourages the behavior. I would then request that they introduce a no bullying policy, a zero tolerance policy if you will, regarding the harassment of other students at school. I would add that they should make no mistake, the behavior being inflicted on your daughter by these four boys is indeed harassing in nature and constitutes bullying.

I would state that your daughter being bullied at school, and not being protected or safeguarded, serves to impede her learning by distracting her from lessons, forcing her to keep to herself and causing her to fear school, her teachers and her classmates. I would add that no student should ever have to feel that way, as school should be a safe place for learning and growing. I would add that failure on their part to identify and correct bully behavior leads to a more distracted learning environment. I would conclude by stating that this meeting is your last attempt at working with the school to protect your daughter. I would clarify that you are asking for new rules regarding how a bully is both identified and handled. I would finally state that if there is no recourse to be found with the principal and teachers, your last step will be to go directly to the school board before you consider legal action against the school for failing to provide your daughter with a safe learning environment.

After the meeting, I would write a letter to the school principal and, in it, discuss the meeting and everything that happened with these boys, the teacher and the principal to force you to call the meeting. Send this letter by certified mail, it must be certified, this way they must sign for it and cannot state they did not receive it. This is to help you should you need to take the matter to the school board or beyond.