I don't know what to do, help me?

[James]

15/male. For the past six months I've been feeling really sad and lonely, I'm not really sure what triggered it all but I just feel hopeless. I've been failing in most of my subjects (just passing, usually around 60% on tests and stuff), I barely eat anymore, I can go days without food, I just don't see any point in eating when I am never hungry, the only reason I eat is because my mum pretty much force feeds me. I have become addicted to Self Harm, and lately I've been doing it a lot more than usual(usually it's 1-2 a day, but now it's gone up to around 8-14, just so that I can feel it) All of the time, I feel like I'm being judged, I hate to go out and interact with people, I just don't feel comfortable around other people. Everyday it feels like I'm living a lie, like everything is fake, I feel sad all of the time and if I'm not sad I feel nothing, like I'm numb and not real. SH is the only thing that reminds me that I'm alive. I've told my mum about this and we've gone to the Doctor about it, all she did was refer me to a dermatologist for my skin (pimples :/), then my mum sort of brushed it off, and forgot about it.I don't see any point in living, I can't think of any reason as to why I'm alive, it's just a big inconvenience for me. I've thought about suicide many, many times ( I can't even keep count of how many times I've planned it) but today I tried to drown myself in the pool while my mum was out, I got so close, every time I was just a moment away from breathing the water into my lungs, I would panic and pull my head up. I'm not really sure as to what to do. I don't want to go see a therapist or anything like that, because I will just feel like a psycho. I was bullied a couple of years ago back in year 6 to 8 (I'm in year 10 now, going into year 11 in 2013), but I don't think my friends like me, they're not really reliable, one day they'll be really nice and then the next they'll completely ignore me and go be with someone else, I'm always the backup incase the other person is busy to them. Note: I'm not being bullied or abused, I have a pretty loving family, but I don't really want to burden them.
The main reason I pulled myself out of the water was because I knew I would never have the chance to talk to some of my friends that I've met on Twitter and Twitch.tv ( I know them better than I do my IRL friends), I'm still thinking of going back into the pool (making sure I'm restrained this time, so that I can't chicken out)
Sorry for the shit grammar, punctuation and how everything is just sort of like 'dot-points':/
and sorry for it being so long..
What do I do? **Please no hate or anything like that**

[mr_boudreaux26]

15 is a shitty time in most peoples life. It gets more complex as you age but so do you. It's not worth self harm or dispair. TRUST ME!!!! Just get your head up, get a good education and go to college and do what you love. One day you'll be older and have a family. They're already counting on you and you and them don't even know it yet. Go get yours!!! EVERYTHING ELSE WILL FALL IN PLACE!!!

[Becky]

First and foremost, please do not attempt suicide or hurt yourself anymore. You are so young and you don't know the good things life has to offer! I was in your shoes when I was your age. I suffered from depression, I thought about and attempted suicide, I would hurt myself. Looking back now, it wasn't worth it. There is so much potential happiness in your future, and I wouldn't want you to throw that away. You're in high school, and there are going to be a lot of downs. You just have to respond to that negativity in a positive way; it will make you such a great person in the future.
Second, people in this world are judgemental. You're going to face it throughout your whole life like everyone else does. You just have to learn not to care what they think. Live your life in accordance to yourself. As for your friends, like I said, you guys are in high school. You and your friends are still so young and you all still have some growing to do. Your friends may act shady now, but they'll realize sooner or later what kind of person they have been and they'll change if they don't like it. If they don't change and it still bothers you, find new friends. There are other people out there that are like you and they'd be great friends. Shoot, I could be your friend! All I mean by this is don't let other people be the reason for your destruction.
Third, commiting suicide would be a selfish thing to do. You said you have a loving family, so I know they love you and care about you. If one day they found out that you killed yourself, they would be so damaged! Please, please, PLEASE do not try to commit suicide anymore. I know things are rough now, but so much could change in such little time! Even if it does take more than a little time, it will be worth it when you finally find happiness in this world. I know you might not absorb any of this now given that you just feel negative or numb most of the time, but please take my advise. I know what it's like to be where you're at right now, and I'm so glad that I stayed around because I did find happiness and I'm at peace with myself. I hope you can take what I said and use it to learn how to appreciate yourself.

[aw1380]

Fist think you need to do is see a doctor and describe your symptoms. Since you're depression has worsened during the winter, could be you SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder, which means low light levels throw off your brain chemistry and causes depression and many other symptoms.

But as for what you need to do over all, find something to be passionate about. Helping others for instance. Start a food drive, volunteer, or get involved in your community. Find something you can do that will make someone else happy and you'll feel better about yourself and you'll find a new focus.

[mario]

Hi James!

First let me tell you that some years ago I used to feel something like what you wrote. I really didn't like human interaction and I still don't enjoy it as much as other people. I also passed through a time in which I started to perceive life as meaningless and also became an atheist, which at the same time took more meaning out of the life. I'm still an atheist and still think life doesn't have a predefined meaning.

Anyway, through the pass of the years I've come to realize that objective of this life, the most important and valuable thing we can do as a ensemble of atoms with not purpose at all; is to make ourselves happy. I'm not telling you to become atheist, neither to take all the meaning out of life. But in the way I see it, if life doesn't have meaning or purpose, we have full freedom to choose the way in which we want to make us happy. Life is indeed beautiful, haven't you stop and wonder about all the chemical and physical events that have taken place just so you can breath? We as a outcome of random events are beautiful and complex beings with one goal only: BE HAPPY! If life doesn't have a purpose or meaning and nothing comes after it, you might as well enjoy your time alive.

I've discover what things makes me happy and I try to do them as often as I can. Ask yourself this: I'm I doing something that I like? No? Well, does this something that I'm doing allows to do something I like later? No? Well, I won't do it anymore.

Sometimes I do stuff I don't like because the long run consequences of that make me happy. like college, I don't really like studying Law to get a 100 in the exams, but that 100 makes my parents happy, and that, at the same time makes me happy.

I also have notice how making other people happy makes me happy for some reason. It's like I really enjoy when other people smile. There are several people in way worst conditions than you, and some of them are able to keep a smile in their faces, you can learn from them. Happiness is a decision, it comes from within you and it only depends on yourself. I'm from a poor country so I know what I'm talking about.

Remember, you goal is to be happy. It seems like you have a loving family and remember that in your way to happiness you might probably end up making happy a whole bunch of people too, your family include.

Look at this beautiful image whenever you feel down...
http://i.imgur.com/YnZZb.jpg.png

Hope it helps!
Send me a message or something if you need someone to talk with, or share through the answer your email so I can reach you.