Getting over abusive relationship?

[king]

We dated for four years and he was a nightmare. He abused me in every form possible from emotional, to verbal, and physically hitting me or shoving my down stairs, to even kicking me while I was on the floor. Our relationship was always his way. I wasn't allowed to leave the house, wear any light color clothing, or any makeup and I wasn't allowed to have a Facebook or any social media. In the duration of our relationship I've only met two of his friends in the beginning of when we began dating. I lost so much hair and weight that now I'm showing signs of balding and weigh 84 pounds. I broke up with him a month ago because I couldn't deal with his abuse. While I lost all my friends due to him, he went out and partied all night. He lied about where he was and what he was doing. He met up with ex girlfriends and argued with me over the most ridiculous things. I can't stand him and I can't help but hope that he will be miserable in his life.

I know there are SO many people out there much better then him. He thinks he is above everyone for reasons I have yet to find out. I know I'm not going back to him though being with someone for four years is a long time. I know being without him is for the best but I still need help getting over him.

Do you have advice on coping with a break up or stories of your abuser and your success story? I'd love to hear some motivation right now
I'm 20 and he's 21

[kpopp]

I know it is difficult to get over a bad relationship. May I suggest that you follow your interests and join a group with similar interests.

[Sue B]

One can't just get over abuse. One needs a very good therapist first, before moving on to a new relationship. In many cases, where one doesn't seek therapy FIRST, before moving on, they find themselves being with another abuser. I know this from past experience. I had to learn why I was attracted to the abuser. I had to rewire my own head as to what is and was a good attraction. I had learned when to see RED FLAGS. PLEASE get therapy before adventuring into a new relationship. It's NOT ONLY the abuser who needs help, it's also the ABUSED.

[kindrifle476]

When me & my ex of 6.5 years split up this May, suddenly people started coming around. They would remark that they had not seen me smile in years.

I forgot how many friends I HAD had, once upon a time before him....I forgot what it was like to have family in my home more often than holidays.

I forgot how it felt to have a carefree day. I kid you not, I felt lighter....it was about a week after we split & I noticed myself smiling & giddy for no reason other than the sunshine felt good on my skin.

Reconnect with your past. Some peeps may feel you blew them off for a guy & not be too interested, but for true friends once they understand how out of your own control your life was, they will quickly embrace you again.

You may hear the odd warning: go back to him & you can forget my number forever.

Focus on yourself. Your likes & dislikes. I found I really forgot that too. Everything we did focused on him & his needs.

Explore.

Consider this a rebirth. Never take your freedom for granted again & never let anyone take it away from you again.

PS: Notice I didn't even touch on the issue of moving on with another guy....as the poster above me mentions, most people should not go from an abusive relationship straight into another....

Get your strength back, emotionally, mentally, and physically, before you even think of going there. If that means counselling, then get it.

Good luck kiddo...you are on the cusp of a whole new life, a whole new world.

[Angellover7880]

I lived through unspeakable abuse and survived. Contact me through e-mail. I can try to help you through this.

[Guru]

You want something motivational right now, but here is best way to get rid of your problem. See you are single right now so your estrogen level is high right now, your brain is telling you to make up with somebody but you lost all your friends and he is the only one you know so you miss him. And to avoid that go to some social places where you can meet new peoples and musterbate daily, even if you dont want to. It will help you overcome the depression and eat lots of food 90 pounds is too less and you are young too I'm sure you'll find someone else soon good luck, and this time take decisions with your brain not with your heart, if cant decide ask your close friends or ask yahoo

[Sue C]

Honey, went thru EVERY single thing you've gone thru, know all to well how you feel, EXACTLY how you feel!!! I've taken out Restraining Orders for fear of being permanently hurt. KNOW too how you felt when you broke up with him, as of course there WAS a reason in the beginning you fell for him, so they're there, lingering in the back of your mind. Can't help but be. I left him when I got the last Restraining Order, then started missing him, broke down & started calling him. Yes, I KNOW that's "going against" the Order. BUT, when we'd start to talk, he'd get that mean streak going, saying things to hurt me & would end up hanging up on me. I'd then remember the reason(s) why I left in the first place. When you get "those feelings", try not to think of ANY of the "good times". TRY to let your mind click back to the reasons you've broken up with him instead. THAT is what helped me the most, clicking BACK to why I did what I did. Honey, do KNOW in time you ARE going to be completely FREE of him as you WILL. TRY hard to put him in your past & bury it deep. Your past is forever gone, but your future is still your own. I KNOW in time there IS a someone out there just for you, you just haven't met him yet but will when you least expect it. You'll then know the reason you were not meant to be. You WILL find the love & happiness you so deserve. I've met mine, have been with him 23 yrs. next month!!! IF I could do it at my age, I know you're much younger than myself, I know it will also happen for you. TRY to have an attitude of gratitude you're away from all the hurts you've endured. You're now free of it all. It WILL pay off in the end, the best IS yet to come & it WILL...I so do wish you the very best, honey...Happy New Year...