Ex Boyfriend/Friend question, what would you do..?

[Catherine]

Please bare with me, this is going to be a bit long...

Ok so the background of it all is, that I was with someone for 9 years, met someone at work who at the time I didnt even like as a friend, but he made me realise that I deserved better out of life, so I ended my 9 year relationship.

The guy I was working with I ended up getting really close to and moving in with. Looking back now, I know it was too soon after the end of my relationship and I wasnt ready.

Anyway, the new guy, because I was not in my right mind I let him spend all my money and we got into serious money troubles. He ended up leaving me because I was constantly upset about our problems.

It was very hard for me to get over as I loved him more than I had ever loved the other guy. He was originally from the south and moved back. I was in touch with my long lost sister and moved in with her in London (originally I was from up north).

After months, the guy got in touch with me and said he was sorry, and we ended up meeting up and becoming friends with benefits. He asked me to help him as he was in serious money problems with pay day loans. I had just got a pay out from the previous relationship and agreed to help him out of his mess.

I guess because I loved him, I would do anything for him. I know he doesnt want to be with me, but I always want to help people, its in my nature.

He spent my birthday with me he bought me a netbook and a tv, but wouldnt have a drink with me on my birthday and it wasnt much fun.

His birthday was a few days later and he went out with all his friends. At this point nobody really knew that we were talking and has become friends. But on his birthday he friend requested me on facebook and within half an hour his sister had too (we had all been friends when we were together).

I thought maybe these are the steps for him becoming a good friend that he doesnt have to hide away.

Anyway, I decided to go back up north for a night out with my friends and did a facebook event he invited himself to this event. He asked if it was ok, I said so you wont drink with me on my birthday but you will for my birthday, you dont invite me to your birthday but you invite yourself to mine? Of course I didnt get anything back.

I find out later that he has decided to take some girl he's met (not together, cos i asked and got told off) round the UK before she leaves to go home (shes from the other side of the world), so he wont be going to my birthday... I just feel like he does things for other people but doesnt treat me the same..

Even when we were together he would never take pictures of us togethr, but he always takes pictures of him and his friends or people from work and puts them on facebook or on his phone home screen.

I've said all I want is to have a good friend who treats me with respect, as I've struggled in the past with people taking advantage of my kind nature and always wanting to help people.

He has now asked for more money, which I think is unreasonable as I got a weeks notice on my job before Christmas and am due to have an operation in february which will take me off work for up to 6 weeks, all of which he knows. Before this he told me he would give me a lump sum when i'm off so I'm not struggling.

Part of me really wants to tell him that he isnt being a good friend to me, he's choosing work mates over my 30th birthday, he doesnt go for lunch with me, or any of the things he does with his other friends (we do live quite far apart though so I can kind of understand that).

But then I just feel like i'm just being made a fool of, I give everything to him and get nothing back.

At the same time, I dont know if I'm just overreacting and over thinking everything...

I know this is long, but if you can take the time to give me an opinion, am I overreacting and should just chill, and help him when he needs me, or tell him that i'm not a mug to be taken advantage of.. i just dont know...
Well thats the problem, I dont have family to ask...
i would like to point out that i do speak to him all the time about other stuff. we are in contact probably more than he is with his other friends

[Agent LightDarke]

Ditch him. Especially if it got so bad you have to ask strangers on the Internet instead of family and friends.......

[Shih Tzu]

What are you a door mat? Why do you allow this person in your life? It's up to you. Friends with benefits? Asking for money from you? This person is not your friend, he's just using you. Are you blind?

[Nosheen]

Hi babe,, yup read your long essay lol, .. I'm 21 and I have a caring nature like yourself too.. And it took me 3 years since I was 18 to figure this world out. Yeah you' are going to meet some special people in your life, but also you re going to meet some lowlife s too. I have been in your situation so I know how it feels. And I told the guy to clear off. Because he showed me no respect, treated me like I wasn't even there,,, you should tell him to clear off as your not an ATM machine where, whenever he needs to take cash out jus pops out of the blue.. You deserve more, trust me. U just have to be patient, as I know that god had made someone special out there for everyone ,.. Good luck bbe an once more... U deserve way more someone better x

[lala]

It is soooooo obvious that he is using you. Hes not a true friend. Hes only keeping you around because he knows that you will say yes to his requests for money. You need to cut him off, hes not good for your life financialy or emotionaly.

[Danielle]

He's using you, he knows your kind and still have feelings for him. If I was you I would distance myself from him he's in the past when you see him (randomly not arranged) be polite and smile don't get into a deep convo don't reply to calls or texts and block him on Facebook. Concentrate on your life, have your op get well get a job and get a social life in time when your happy and settled a man can fit in . Your not over reacting his just not a nice person x