What is wrong with me right now?

[Lisa Collins]

I guess I'll begin with saying I'm a 14 year old girl. I have trouble with my social life. I usually stay upstairs in my room playing on the computer. I try to get out and hang out with my friends, but they have these problems I'd much rather get away from at the time. I met a friend from another state, actually, a lot of friends. But this one girl, everyone liked her. No matter where she went, everyone laughed with her, wanted to be her friend, just everyone appreciated her. She's those type of girls who I guess are like hipsters? But are not. She's just being herself and that's what sets me off. I try not to be jealous of others, but to some people that's hard thing to do. That was a year ago when I met her, and now we're friends and we laugh and we skype or play steam games. We also host a livestream, but of course, everyone cares more about her than me during those streams because she's the one sharing her screen, she's the one who doesn't give a crap if people see her, she doesn't give a ****, she's a pansexual(I don't have anything against that), and she likes to tell people randomly she watches porn. She tells people to be themselves and that they're beautiful. But she'll be the one to go on a teen swag page and force them to take it down by calling them a "*****" or a "whore". I hate the term "swag" and "Yolo" but I have to say that is to far. Just a couple of days ago, I found out my friend likes me so he asks me out, and I say yes. He, like the many others, "loves" the girl. He thinks she is pretty much a goddess! So one day we were playing a steam game when he asks,"Hey -keeping friend's name private- on, can she join?" Not to be rude to my bf, I say yes. And she joins, we get along at first, but eventually I grew tired and I stopped talking. I didn't want to leave because they were having so much fun and stuff so I stayed on longer. Then I told them I was tired and they cried out "no don't leave" but I really was tired so I left and went to bed. The next day, which is today, I logged on to Facebook and my boyfriend messaged me and asked if I wanted to skype I said yes. I joined his call and we talked and the first thing that he said was "Oh -insert friend's name here- was amazing when you left! We were playing Counter-Strike and everyone loved her! She was the star of the game!" I replied, "Oh cool, I really don't like her at the moment so yeah...." And he didn't say anything. He eventually had to go. So for the rest of the day I was playing Xbox and messing around on the internet, when the steam notification thing popped up on the screen. It said, "-friend's name- is playing Counter Strike" and not to long after that "-my boyfriend's name- is now playing Counter Strike" I sat there, mouth agaped. Because usually he invited me to play some games. So I waited, I opened up skype and facebook. I waited for them to message me to play.....they never did. Which I know, "He's allowed to play whatever he wants" but he usually at least would invite me to skype.... So I avoided that for a while. I went back onto Facebook later in the day and messaged him saying Hi. He said sup and I replied just sitting you? He said, "Hey omg! Like -my friends name- just gifted me this game blah blah blah!" I sat there and replied "Oh cool :T" I logged out of facebook, and skype, and steam. I didn't know what to do, but I wanted to talk about it with someone. I went to my mother and told her, but surprisingly I started crying over it. My brothers earlier that day, were planning to go the movies, they wouldn't tell me what movie because they were still decided. So I waited all day for my one brother to get home from work. I heard my mom fighting with my brother, and it turns out my brother wanted to take my other brother to the movies for his birthday and they didn't want me to come. So I was like, fine then I'll just stay home. But the thing is, my parents were going out to the bar. So it was either, go to the movies to watch a movie that I didn't want to watch(My mother was forcing my brother to take me), go sit at a bar for two others, or stay at home. Everyone kept bugging me to go to the movies, go go go! But I didn't want to go anymore! So I cried, and I was so frustrated. So my brothers left, and my parents just said stay home. So I did. My mother told me to lay in her bed and relax. Which I tried to, but I just kept crying and crying. Will someone please tell me what is that's wrong? I mean, I'm not really that upset at my boyfriend and my friend! Neither am I for the movies, or staying home. I just kept crying until now....I still want to cry though...I am very sorry for this long post, I just really need some help....

[bonnijar]

way too long - thats why no one answered you. Get a journal to write a book. Edit this and cut 2/3 of it out and people will read it!