Help me express myself?

[Cody]

Thanks for clicking on this.

For the past couple of years of my life I have been extremely introvert, and I want to change that. I feel like I have a lot to share and that my input on most subjects would be useful. But when I try to communicate what I'm feeling or thinking it just doesn't happen, I sound like a blathering idiot and I hate it. I want to be able to speak to people without feeling stupid or having to stop myself mid-sentence because can't think of the word that would best describe what I'm trying to convey.

Some examples of my stupid behavior (cause I think it's stupid), I'll keep my mouth shut in class when I want to say something but simply can't find the wording, when I'm talking and I feel like I'm on a role I'll stop because lose train of thought or I can't think of where I'm going in the conversation, and I'm quiet to the point of wanting to punch myself in the face. People talk to me and I don't respond well, I have social problems and I want to get over them and you know... "be the man". That's my goal, I don't know if that sounds stupid, but that's what I aim for, but I can't push myself out of my comfort zone for the reasons stated above.

I don't want other people to look down on me, I know I'm not stupid, but at times I come across as simple-minded. There's a lot more to me than that and I want everyone to know that. I want to be confident.

In all I just want to be able to verbally communicate with people, I play guitar (novice level) and I would someday like to write music. I don't know and I'm sorry If you don't understand what I'm saying now, but I just need help. So please if you've read this far any advice would be nice, how to stick up for myself. I am very passive to the point where if my friends mess with me I just brush it off.

Thanks for reading I really do appreciate it.

P.S: Any advice on how to adopt a "simply don't give a fuck" attitude would be nice. I know I may be contradicting myself when I said "I don't want people to look down on me", but I think there's a healthy medium right?

P.S.S: I'm 16 and I know I'm going through puberty or w/e but I don't want to wait until I'm older to get over this. I want to beat these feelings of self-loathing now, and make myself something special.

[Errin Tyler]

Well, you've already taken the first step to solving the problem. Admitting you have a problem. You know, there are very few sixteen year olds who are as good at English as you are. Your English is spectacular and this is coming form an English/ESL tutor.

If you are not already doing so you should consider becoming an English tutor for your peers or at the very least offering them help with their English homework. Teaching others a skill you are good at can be a great confidence booster.

The problem is not that you hate yourself but that you hate your situation. You may not believe me now but you may understand later. I had social phobia and the symptoms only seemed to get worse and worse up until I was eighteen. It made it difficult to live a normal life because I couldn't talk to anybody for any reason. It got better over time, especially after I started working which was also difficult because of the social phobia. Now, I would just call myself shy. Maybe not even shy. I just have a tendency to observe people before I will speak to them. I study their habits and decide whether or not I can speak with them comfortably and what kind of things I could say to them.

As for your friends, if something they say bothers you or offends you, you should let them know. This can be done politely. A little teasing among friends is one thing but if something touches a nerve just say, "Could you please not bring up [subject]. It really bothers me when you do that.

As far as your guitar, you should keep it up because it's good to have a hobby. Maybe you could join a forum with others who are learning guitar or maybe there is even a group of kids at your school who are learning guitar that meet on the weekends.

Based on most of the things you've told me I would say you most likely have Social Phobia which is a fear of social situations, speaking in front of people, and a fear of embarrassing yourself by saying something stupid. Yes, those are all real parts of social phobia. You may want to join a social phobia support group.

Dailystrength.org has an excellent social phobia support group.

Remember

/Don't be mad at yourself for being quiet. You are observing the situation. Einstein didn't talk for the first four years of his life because he was listening and observing.

/Use your skills and talents and it will build your confidence. So, keep playing your guitar, writing songs, and try offering your skills at English by becoming a tutor.

/Don't give up. Things will get better even if they don't seem like it now. I can tell by your writing that you are advanced for your age. That's a good thing even if it may be the reason you don't exactly fit in with your peers.

I hope some of my advice helps you. I really do have an idea what you're going through.