How to change my cruse sense of humour?

[Roger That!]

I'm a teenage girl and I often get looked down upon by my peers because i find things hilarious that others usually find offensive. Everyone around me are so boring!!! People are often shocked because I am a girl and think I should be "ladylike". I don't want people thinking badly of me and I don't want to reflect a bad image about myself. Just like everyone else, I want to be respected and seen as a good person, but i just can't help but giggle at some things.
How do I change what i think is amusing? Isn't that programmed into me, unchangeable? I've already ruined some relationships because of this....

[Antst]

1. You don't have to change your sense of humour. You need to learn self-control. As you have discovered, this is an important social skill.

The decision you're making when you laugh is to ignore the pain that a situation might be causing for someone else. You're not a sociopath who can't feel empathy, right? So you must know when a subject is sensitive...

For example, if people are talking about an article in the news where someone has died in an embarrassing situation (like a redneck getting shot in the genitals by his girlfriend's father), it might be funny. But any kind of discussion involving a sensitive subject can upset people. One of your peers might have had a recent death in the family, someone might worry that you look down on their background of poverty, someone might be pregnant and worry that you're judging her sexual activity or whatever.

My point is, you sound like an intelligent person. So I know that you know when a subject is sensitive. You need to control yourself when sensitive subjects come up. Keep your laughter and jokes to subjects that are not sensitive. Once you're older, you will have developed the social skills and life experience to know when it is OK to joke about something sensitive.

2. I think most people find themselves wanting to laugh at inappropriate moments; I know I do. When I was younger, I had the same problem as you. When you get an urge to laugh, focus on staying calm. Breathe deeply and evenly and concentrate on your breathing. Don't look at anyone. That should help you to stay calm.

It sounds like you have a great sense of humour. Comedians and jokesters often start out by hurting other people because they don't have the experience to know how to express their humour without hurting people. Approach your sense of humour like you would any hobby... Think about it. Practice it. Pay attention to funny people in the media to see how they handle jokes.

You will gradually learn how to be funny without being seen as a jerk. This way you can be yourself and still have friends! You don't want to be seen as a bully, where people laugh with you because they're afraid of your tongue if they don't!