My wife deserves better then me?

[DoubleL]

Its a long story but I will keep it short.

My high school sweetheart and I were all set to attend the same school. At the last moment a girl got pregnant and a scholarship opened up for her at her dream school on the east coast. She wanted to turn it down to stay with me, my mother convinced me that if I cared for her I wouldn't allow her to turn it down. So after a lot of tears and pain she decided to go. We did the long distance thing but over time we simply drifted apart.

Soon after I meet a wonderful girl. We dated for several years and there came a point when she was ready to be married. I thought I was in love so we did it. Our marriage from my point of view is only ok. We don't have any kids. But she is happy. She is excited about everything. 

Problem, about a year ago I was contacted by my ex. I don't have a facebook or any social media stuff so she did it the old fashion way. We started talking mostly emails and mostly in bounds and respectful of our relationships. Sadly it grew from that and old feelings came flooding back. We have meet up a couple times in person over the past few months and we've never got physical, not that it makes it any better, we both know that we have already damaged our relationships, her beyond repair and she left her husband in november. Now its time for me to decide. I love my wife I really do, and she is a great woman, but I also love my ex. My ex is like a drug and I can't stop with her. I think it comes down to the fact that I didn't love my wife enough to not allow this to happen. She is wonderful and deserves to be someones first choice, I just doubt I can ever make her mine. Now I'm stuck with convincing her I'm not good enough for her. My mom (yes I asked her) said I'm a coward and I'm only looking back because I'm scared to go forward. Im not being fair to my wife and I need to let her go. My fear is I will regret it. I don't know, this is hard, and I don't want anyone to be hurt or be a bad guy.

[Rebecca Sherratt]

Its a difficult decision, but I think you HAVE to choose just one, then tell them both everything that has happenned. Its up to which do you love more- your wife shouldn't have to tolerate being with a guy who is cheating on her, and if you choose you love your ex more then be with her. Does your ex know you are married? I think you need to make a decision on which you want to be with...then depending on whom it is, stick with that girl :o

[Phantomdock776]

Life is such a bitch at times. The only correct thing to do right now is to suit yourself, go with who you really want and cut all ties with the other. The wrong thing to do is to assume you can have both for any length of time. So do the honest thing, roll the dice and see if it was the right choice.

[sacredclay]

Your mom is very wise and you'd be even wiser to listen to her. We always think that the one that got away was the special one. Most of the time it ain't true, so knock it off. Tell your ex that you love your wife too much to do this to her and that all contacts between you and her are to cease. Both of you have made your choices. Now stick with them. You are trying to convince yourself that the magic is still there, that she's like a drug to you. Go for therapy to find out why you're so willing to screw up your life for a fantasy. You've married your wife for a very good reason. Keep that in the forefront of your mind. Trying to tell her that you're not good enough for her is just a cop out.
If you find that you'd rather throw your wife away, then you need to man up and tell her the truth. She doesn't deserve baloney. But understand that your life with your ex might not be all there is to be cracked up about. Good luck.

[Patrick]

You are now MARRIED! Its time to grow up. La La Land is over with. You should be decorating the babies room before it arrives and figure how to pay for the babies college. You love the one your with. Face Book is a joke and mostly for kids. Get rid of the Face Book and start acting like a man.

[Lorena]

you seem like a nice guy but you're doing everything wrong, you shouldn't have talked to her from the,beginning , you know you're doing a bad thing when you don't tell your wife and i bet you didn't, if you keep doing this eventually you're going to be unfaithful, but you're already doing it in your heart anyway,you are a fool cause you have an excellent wife, your only dreaming about the past, you are letting yourself to get drawn by a mesmerize, you don't even know if your old girlfriend its the same she used to be and it doesn't matter either, because you make a promise to love and respect your wife remember? t have everybody in life has temptation but it is up to us to decide whats right and it takes a man to do so

[Gasp]

Firstly, no, you're not good enough for her. Harsh truth but the truth nonetheless.

Secondly, you have already cheated on her, physically or emotionally doesn't make a difference, it's still cheating.

Thirdly, ask yourself these questions:

A) Do I really love my Ex over my wife?

B) If my wife was cheating on me, would I not want to know and would I stick around with her then after?

C) Do I fear the future with my wife and why? - Is the reason relevant to not loving her or relevant to loving her but fearing future responsibility? - If it's former, then would you want to be in marriage with someone you don't love (think about how awfully cruel that will be to her and what a waste of time)? - If it's later, then would you consider a wise choice to leave just because things seem tough e.g. will you later regret it?

D) If you choose your ex, what if it doesn't work out, will you regret the choice? Think about the scenario - if it doesn't work out with your ex, at least you have no more 'what if' left because when you married, you had a 'what if' in your past or the one that got away. So if it doesn't work out with your ex, will your wife be the 'what if' or will you feel that it's time to find someone new and this time without a 'what if'?

E) Which woman right now knows the 'now' you better and makes you feel happy and excited to be with?

F) Are these feelings for your sweetheart from the past or current? - let me be clear, sometimes when you meet your old flame you start feeling those feelings you used to feel but once you spend more time together, in given time you both realise that those unfinished feelings for one another have been satisfied but you no longer feel the same for one another now. Sometimes people get caught up on 'what if' and forget that their looking to scratch an itch that was left unscratched a long time ago. You might not realise it now because it may feel impossible but trust me...people act like their old self around old flames but after a while, they start acting like their current selves and realise that they have nothing in common or serious feelings towards their old flames...nothing but an itch that got scratched finally and curiosity that now is left answered.


Do the respectful thing and take responsibility of your actions!

[Jasmine]

Yes u are right.. you will regret.
To get over drugs u need to have antidote which is equal to "stop the communication with ex"
Women behave differently after marriage and before marriage.. Who knows after leaving your wife you would realize that she is better than your ex?
You miss the spark in your marriage that is why u are looking for another..try to spend more time with wife and take her out.

For god sake, leave ur ex..else i will say karma will come back to u and u might have to suffer in future.