Understanding transgendered people?

[mizzrandom]

My really good friend has been steadily dropping more and more obvious hints that she wants to be/ feels like a guy. Of course, this could definitely be me reading too much into things, but just in case she really IS transgendered and is planning to tell me in the future, I'd like to be prepared for it and not blurt out rude/insensitive stuff. (Besides, nothing wrong with new knowledge)

When she came out to me as a lesbian, I just said OK and and moved on (well, besides switching boyfriend for girlfriend in discussions). Should I do the same now? Or make a big deal about it and, I donno, encourage her, thank her, or something? Should I be serious or be lighthearted about her coming out? What about pronouns (he, she, ze??)? Can I ask if she has a male name? Should I treat her like a guy afterwards, like stop talking to her about periods, my new bra, etc.? And if she's a transgendered guy with a girlfriend, does that make her gay or straight??

Lastly, is a transgendered lifestyle heathy? I think I heard somewhere that it's a mental disorder?

NOTE: The only experience I have with transgendered people are on movies and TV shows of drag queens or prostitutes. Not the best source, yeah? So if I'm being rude/bigoted, please don't just say I'm rude/bigoted, but on which statement/question is rude/bigoted and how I should correct it, OK? HELP MEEEE~~~ *flails*

[Christine]

Just think of it this way: She's still a person. So when she tells you, just act like you already knew, like as if she just "um. well.. i'm human." A statement like that shouldn't take a big response, right? Be understanding with your body language, don't be like 'well duh!" but say something like "I'm glad that you know who you are now, and I'm still going to be here for you like before."
regarding the question about pronouns and the bf/gf stuff.
There is a biological girl at our school who has decided that she is transgender, and she has a girlfriend. I do not think either of them are lesbian, even though he is still technically a girl. So no, a transgender person stuck in the wrong body is not gay. Like in Freaky Friday, bad example but say one of them was a girl and one was a boy, now the fact that they are supposed to be from the opposite gender's body and they are straight means that they would like the opposite gender, but since they switched to the opposite gender's body are they gay until they switch back? No, they are just stuck in the wrong body, and there's nothing wrong with that.
be serious about her coming out, dont over react, but dont laugh it off as if you don't care. make sure she knows you understand and most importantly ACCEPT her. I think asking if she has a male name is not a bad idea, but put it something like "would you like me to call you a different name?"
about the girly stuff, iff she's been putting up with it for so long, don't just abruptly stop. if it makes her uncomfortable she will probably tell you to stop, but just outright stopping would be basically shutting her out of the familiar relationship that she had before as if something changed, and you don't want her to feel like she is different than she was before, you don't want her to feel that your opinion of her has changed. don't try to tiptoe around her, treat her how you always treated her.
last question, transgender is not a mental disorder. It is a biological mistake where a male or female gets stuck in the opposite gender's body. The only thing wrong with it is the way society views it. By the way, I am not transgender or lesbian I know many people who are transgender, gay and lesbian and I have nothing against them. Anyways, whoever said it is a mental disorder is an ignorant person. The statement "To be transgender is a mental disorder"'s ignorance can be compared to the ignorance of the statement "rape is god's will". Transgender is a perfectly healthy lifestyle, because it's exactly the same as everybody else's life style. it's like a dog being stuck in a cat's body. When they tell you they're a dog, does that make the cat mentally retarted? No.. Being transgender should be much more accepted into our community, and it is perfectly normal. Good luck and just remember to be accepting.

[widecannon384]

Clones is on route to answer...standby. I'm going to sleep now.

[Mariana Straits]

I treat and speak to men and women the same, their sexual preference means nada.
I don't believe it to be a mental disorder.

[Kathryn White]

a transgendered man with a girlfriend is a man with a girlfriend

man + woman = straight

if your friend comes out to you just stay friends and support "him" then

just keep going on and try not to be obvious

they will try to guide you as they go along

gender dysphoria is not a mental disorder

American Psychiatric Association Reclassifies Transgender, no longer a disorder
http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2012/12/03...-disorder/

Other APA documents supporting care, surgery and non-discrimination
http://www.lambdalegal.org/sites/default...alth_1.pdf

[Gályndrá]

Just...wait for your friend to come out to you. If your friend wants to be referred to as he, then respect that. Use your friend's preferred name, and be supportive.
As for if your friend is indeed FtM, then if he had girlfriend he would be straight.
Transgender was recently taken OFF the list of mental disorders, and the "lifestyle" would be no different than that of a cisgendered man.
As for talk to your friend about periods, bras and the like, do what's comfortable. I have no problem doing that with my guy friends.
Most of all, treat your friend like a human being, and if your friend does come out as FtM, then respect him as a man. That's all trans people want from others really, is to be accepted and respected as their identified gender.

[Unluckymonth158]

Other people have already given good answers.

You asked: "Should I do the same now? Or make a big deal about it"

I would proceed with caution and take your cues from him. He may or may not want to use a male name or pronouns yet.

Next, although he may not be ready for a public change in name and pronouns, make no mistake, he is a guy. A transsexual man is a man who was born into a female body, but he was never a woman, his brain has always been male. So he isn't "becoming" male, he's just now letting others know. You might want to try reading this:

http://forum.beginninglifeforums.com/ind...e46a465be/

Social transition, when a transsexual person changes their public persona, is a delicate process. He will inevitably meet opposition from lots of ignorant people. It would be nice if you stood by him through this process because many times our friends abandon us at this point. And, YES, I would skip conversations about periods, bras and shoes. Okay, now that I explained to you he is a guy, what kind of relationship is it if he dates a girl? Hopefully you answered "straight". Just remember gender identity, what makes you you genderwise, is between the ears.

Last, transsexualism (brain-body mismatch) is a scientifically proven congenital birth condition. When a transsexual person transitions they are correcting that mismatch they were born with by changing their body AND assuming a gender appropriate role in society. Lots of people still cling to obsolete ideas from the past about it being a mental condition; that is false. The media and religious organizations are most responsible for propagating and perpetuating these falsehoods. Take a look at these trans men and note their occupations:

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/T...nsMen.html

Despite what the media may tell you, transsexual people come from all walks of life. We can do anything anyone else can do. For example I'm a medical professional and I know hundreds of others in various professions.

One more thing. You didn't mention if he had any support at home. If he doesn't have support at home things will be rough for him. Whatever the case let him know you are still his friend no matter what; it will mean a lot to him.
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