Why does this keep happening?

[losing my mind]

I’m 38. It’s the same day over and over again:
I just got a new job. It’s a great one. Very excited. It’s a big one. Career promise.
Started dating someone a few weeks ago. He is younger than me. Jewish. Great hair. Funny and supersmart. Sexy as all hell. My type same as always. Very excited.
Job is asking me perform the same marketing duties as always. Press releases, email blasts, revise websites, social media. Same just different topic fashion, finance, it, furniture. Who cares cranking it out.
I get texts from friends. Hear from the guy. Hey, what’s up, killer, blast, epic, bummer, later. I reply with smileys and babes. It’s all bullshit. Stay positive funny flirty.
I’m shooting vodka straight. Flavored it helps. Smoking cigarettes. Going out to smoke on the same stoop.
Friends asking if we should go to the same event. Same vodka different mixer. Same people different venue.
I see the guy. I’m alive. He’s charming, We have sex. I’m a vixen. Confident. He’s awesome. We shower together. I like you. You’re awesome, beautiful, very cool. I believe it. Of course I am.
Work is going ok. I wish I could stay off facebook. Keep cranking it out. Worried. Does my boss like it? Am I doing ok? Trying my best to guess what he likes. Just do your best. Deliver.
Friends telling me you seem to like that guy too much. They are not sure. You should date older guys. Not as hot. Go on match. Why are they telling me this? We go out different venue. Same vodka.
Facebook reveals there are other girls. The guy is responding to them. Not sure what is going on. Text every couple days what’s up. I stay friendly, happy, easygoing. Pit in my stomach. Something is wrong.
I’m shooting vodka straight. Flavored it helps. Smoking cigarettes. Going out to smoke on the same stoop.
I need to focus on work. My facebook friends are married, engaged, having a baby, bought a house, went on vacation. I’m here stalking guy and trying to sound cool. Update my profile pic. Post on facebook latest place I’ve been to Asia, Europe, the universe. Friends are buying into it. Jealous their husbands are not as exciting. Nobody knows I’d pay $100,000 to trade with them. They envy me. Who knows what they going through after reading my exciting posts.
My boss asks me to random crazy tasks. How am I supposed to know. He get’s frustrated. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong.
Why am I reading online dating advice. Signs he’s not into you. Look at his actions. Not his words. Why is he texting me about his workouts and the weather. I’m supportive. Good for you. Babes, hunni, smileys. It’s fucked up I can tell. He wants attention as soon as he gets some texts stop. I’m suddenly the last one to text.
I’m shooting vodka straight. Flavored it helps. Smoking cigarettes. Going out to smoke on the same stoop.
It all culminates in the same week. I lose my job. I lose the guy. I’m miserable. It takes moths. I travel to get over it. I don’t know how to escape. Why was I not good enough. What did I do wrong.
I’m shooting vodka straight. Flavored it helps. Smoking cigarettes. Going out to smoke on the same stoop.
I’m applying to new jobs. I’m on match.com. I’m out with my friends. It will all get better soon B. You’ll get a new job. Date a million guys. Spring is coming, valentines, summer, your birthday, the holidays, new years, don’t worry it will all get better. Next year is your year B.
I’m shooting vodka straight. Flavored it helps. Smoking cigarettes. Going out to smoke on the same stoop.

[highjeans177]

Change your life if you aren't happy with it.

[Been There]

Yup, you're a writer all right. Very good at ait.

And a drinker too. Stop drinking so much. Stop smoking, too.
And stop falling so hard for men .. stop being desperate. Instead, take your time .. get to KNOW the guy. You don't get to know someone by what they say to you .. but by their actions. How do they treat everyone they run into ...even strangers? How do they handle irritation, annoyance, people who are rude to them, drivers who cut them off, etc? Do they blame other people or circumstances when they themselves don't come through, or when things go wrong in their life? Do they like their siblings? Their parents? And speaking of parents, just how DO their parents get along? Observe the subtle body language between his Mom and Dad when you are invited to meet the parents ... by this time you should NOT have fallen for the guy yet. You are, after all still getting to know who he is. And that requires observing him in all sorts of situations, and that takes a lot of time ... 6-12 months absolute minimum. Don't invest your heart in him until you know WHO he is inside himself.

So you lose you heart to some guy who you don't even KNOW, and when it falls through you are surprised? The majority of affairs/dating scenarios are short-term .. most of them will fail.

You would pay $100,000 to have a husband? Sweetheart, the research indicates that when we get involved with someone, it's WONDERFUL ... up to about 2 years into the marriage. At which point the honeymoon phase ends and the heady infatuation sputters out. At THIS point .. you go back to being ONLY as happy as you were BEFORE you got involved with him.
So, if you are not happy how, THIS is just how you will feel 2 years after you marry.

Something is wrong in your life, and it's not men. It's not even your job. Your drinking and smoking are the symptoms of something wrong .. and so is your desperation to have a husband.
Please stop trying too hard to be upbeat and cheerful. Don't mope and cry every time you open your mouth either .. learn to be fine with life, with your self. Learn to be better than fine. You won't find love until you do.
Time to stop running from yourself, to stop distracting yourself, to stop clouding your clarity (with alcohol) so you don't have to see yourself. Time to turn and make friends with yourself. Seek out counseling, if you need to.

[thomas t]

Welcome to the rat race. Good to have company, only thing is I have my own business, every day is also the same up than down, dated lots something seems to be wrong with everyone, no one is sincere. Ur not alone, the people u look at as having made it have there also own daily cross to bear. No one escapes, but u can find peace and happiness if u just let it all go, and just be the best person u can be, just for today. Please no one but yourself, work on ur integrity, we can't fix other's but we can sure fix us and learn how to be happy. Its not a job or a business, a big house, or a person that can make us whole, it is within us to do it for us, cause really who else cares? Try it, if u get the hang of it, everything will kind of fall into place. It works for me.

[Froll]

This is the silliest thing I've ever not read.