How do I learn to care less about popularity?

[faithfulpolice257]

All that i can ever think about is how popular I am. Whenever it appears that somebody is becoming more popular i start to freak out. I don't no why i care so much, but how do I make it so I don't care?

[PURPLEgirl]

First you have to ask yourself why you want to be more popular. I would start by just being confident and happy about who you and remember that being more popular can sometimes harm you emotionally by giving you stress and pressure. Hope this helps and good luck.

[Wow]

Jealously makes people look ugly. You could hang out at the hospital or join a church maybe if that makes you care a little less about yourself.

[Jonathan K]

so you like attention. im not sure if theres really a way to learn to care less. its your emotions. so....dont worry about it. just worry about yourself and no one else.

[Raquel]

Be confident in yourself and what your personality is like not what you look like and what you wear.. etc etc. Just focus on being yourself. : )

[Alison Avery]

Just remember that there is life after school. Get involved in doing some good for your neighborhood, community and world. That should assist in changing your focus from all about you.

The first time you volunteer to serve food at a homeless shelter or do clean up in your community, you will realize how great your life is and hopefully overcome the over-rated popularity contest.

That is one very big giant step in the process of growing up.

[Rebekah Martinez]

First don't worry bout popularity it only changes you.You should hang out with people your more comfortable with. Your real friends.Don't worry bout popularity be your self :]

[drafthowz]

To be admired by your peers, to be wanted as a friend, to be everyone’s favorite, to be well known by lots of people, to influence others by your words and actions, to have people interested in everything you do and say, and to have a large network of friends and associates who are eager to do just about anything you ask...these are reasons why being popular is so cool. Popularity is a natural high. It makes you feel good about yourself (whether you’re good or not), and it gives you numerous advantages that non-popular people normally don't have.

What's the downside, then? You stated it perfectly: "All that I can ever think about is how popular I am."

Popularity is seductive and addictive. It reinvents you as a god, as a legend in your own mind. And once you reach a certain point on the 'popularity meter', it’s impossible to take your eyes off that glorious, exaggerated mental image of yourself. Your own needs and desires become more important than anyone else's. You start to believe you have all the answers, and that you’re superior to everybody. And eventually you feel justified in taking advantage of people, and of abusing the power and influence you have over your groupies and hero-worshippers.

You know the proverb, "Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely"? It's true. There's something about having power and influence over other people that turns human beings into despotic dictators, fanatical leaders of religious cults, and U.S. Senators. I know these are extreme examples, but I’m looking at the worst-case scenario for somebody who craves 'popularity'.

Probably every member of the human race craves popularity—but since we can't all be popular, the next best thing is to find a popular person, and then identify with him or her. That’s why we have heroes, movie stars, champions, celebrities, brilliant people ad infinitum who we virtually worship, and who we are willing to do almost anything for—just so we can bask in the glow of their fame. Popularity has its drawbacks, and your question reveals your intuitive resistance to its insidious damage.

So to answer your question, my opinion is that you need to find a way to bring your ego back down to size, and keep it humble so it won’t pervert your judgment and poison your character. Here's what I recommend:

(1) Contact everybody you know—I mean everybody you can think of, except your immediate family, or whoever you live with—and tell them: "There's an important issue I have to deal with (call it a project, an opportunity, a family matter, whatever), and it's going to take 100% of my time for the next month. So please understand, I won’t be doing my usual routine or communicating with you, until this thing is over." It’ll be tough, but if you make up your mind, I believe you can do it. Hang out with nobody, attend no social events, make no calls, send no texts, post nothing anywhere on the internet, for a whole month. Minimal human contact with your network of friends—only what's necessary to live and work— for a whole month. 30 days out of the loop!

(2) Now here’s what you can do during those 30 days, with all that spare time (remember: no meeting up with friends, no phone, no internet!): Volunteer to help. Stop focusing on you, and start focusing on somebody who really needs help. Maybe someone who’s old and can’t do their own chores and shopping and home maintenance, or someone with a physical impairment, or some kid who has no father and needs a friend or a big brother…you can volunteer at an animal shelter, a nursing home, a children’s hospital, a homeless shelter, a soup kitchen...anyplace where being ‘popular’ is the last thing on people’s minds.

(3) After the 30 days are over, you’re going to have something you didn’t have before: new neural firing patterns! What I mean is, when you learn a new behavior, and repeat it over and over for days and weeks, a physiological change takes place in your brain. Repetition causes you to form new sequences of connections between brain cells, which result in new ways of thinking and acting—in other words, the creation of new habits. That’s why you need to isolate yourself from your present network of loyal admirers, and from all the behavior patterns associated with it. It gives you the chance to reprogram yourself.

Remember: What you feed grows! Your network of 'most popular' fans has been feeding your ego, so it’s been growing for a while. By building a new network of people who are more concerned about surviving till tomorrow than worrying about ‘who’s the most popular’, you’ll keep your desire for popularity from growing any bigger. If you honestly want to stop caring about being popular, try implementing these drastic measures—and let that ‘popularity monster’ inside you starve to death.