Thinking about dropping my sorority, any advice or help on the situation?

[hissingguitar349]

So I rushed at the beginning of my freshmen year,(I am an initiated member) and I went through recruitment with an open mind and with no preconceived notions. I had a great time during recruitment and had no problems with getting asked back to houses, and I received a bid on bid day. I go to a large SEC school and decided to rush because I really wanted a close knit group of friends that I can always turn to. I didn't really drink or party in high school but I wasn't totally against doing it in college.I thought my sorority was going to be great and that I was going to make so many friends and meet a great group of smart involved women who genuinely care about philanthropy. But I feel my expectations of sorority life were completely wrong. I constantly tried to get closer to people in my pledge class but every time I would invite girls to do something or go out for Halloween or anything I would get blown off or I would get no reply from them at all. It was so frustrating because I would always branch out and talk to other girls but I would always get shut down and get treated like some crazy freak for even talking to them. I went to all the socials and meetings each event felt the same, girls would be sloppy messes all over guys throwing up outside. Seeing girls like that just makes my stomach turn, I'm all for having a good time but you can still be classy about it. I am involved in other activities at school and I've made non-greek friends who are great and towards the end of the semester I dreaded going to chapter and talking to these girls who only talk to me when they need something and I always try to be nice and helpful and I almost feel taken advantage of sometimes. My big is also a really interesting topic because the only time she has ever reached out to me was because she wanted me to move into her friends spot in the house. I reach out to her and ask her if she wants to go out or get lunch or something but she always finds an excuse to not come or I feel she doesn't want to be around me or talk. I had such a different view of how greek life was before starting college now I just am so disappointed with how it turned out. I wanted to meet smart involved women who know how to have fun but can be classy doing it but what I got was a group of girls who are constantly trashed, sleep with new guys every weekend, and our house struggles with meeting the all sorority GPA requirement. I worked very hard at my grades last semester and came out with a 3.6. I never had a problem making friends in high school and I didn't think college would be any different. I have a lot of friends around my dorm but in my sorority I feel like the girls there are just acquaintances who say Hi if we pass each other on campus but thats it.I just want to know if I am wrong for feeling upset with things or if I'm just being ridiculous about the whole thing. Any advice would help and sorry for making this so long!
Its also very expensive its taking a toll on my family and I know they won't say anything about it cause they want me to be happy in school. I feel guilty for taking money for me to not enjoy the activity I'm in.

[quietroute572]

Be a prostitute, pornstar, exotic dancer, stripper or pole dancer. Or all of them.

[Skylark in ♥]

I'm sorry you've had such a negative experience with your sorority. From what you've described, you became a part of it with a positive attitude and have put forth the effort to form sisterly friendships, and I'm disappointed on your behalf that your sisters haven't reciprocated and made you feel welcomed and valued. Ideally, a modern sorority should be filled with intelligent and motivated young women who encourage and support one another and are contributing members of their community, but realistically, that isn't the case with every chapter on every campus.

Your feelings have understandably been hurt, and everything you're written is valid. You're not being ridiculous at all. I don't know exactly how long you've been in the sorority, but if you're still in your freshman year you might want to persevere with it a bit longer and see what happens. I would stay with your sorority through the end of the academic year and reevaluate your situation then. Continue to be an optimist and to keep reaching out. Hopefully, someone will reach back and connect with you. My sorority is probably quite a bit smaller than yours since my campus has a medium-sized student body, and the ones at SEC colleges tend to be huge with larger Greek houses. Chances are, there is someone who has the potential to become a great friend, but maybe you have to look harder to find her. You might also want to seek advice from the president or another sister who has been there longer to ask about what you can do. Oftentimes sororities will have spring retreats or other wholesome bonding activities (Ie, not ones that involve hooking up with a guy), and they're great opportunities to get to know your sisters better and forge tighter bonds.

If your sorority is still taxing your joy, finances, and time in a couple of months then consider going through the proper steps to officially disaffiliate. Do not simply stop showing up for meetings and activities or withdrawing in other ways. You want to leave with dignity and grace, and to retain good relations as much as possible. You're going to encounter women from the sorority again even after you leave, and you don't want to feel awkward about it. I don't think you will if you handle things with finesse. Lots of people disaffiliate for a variety of reasons, from a lack of time to a lack of funds for the fees. Try to be diplomatic when you explain why you're leaving instead of complaining about specific girls or slamming the sorority as a whole. Another reason to properly disaffiliate is to release your obligation for future dues and fees. Keep all copies of any paperwork you sign. Though it's uncommon, there have been cases of people being hounded by collection agency for dues they hadn't realized they were still expected to pay because they hadn't officially left their fraternity or sorority.

Keep your head up.

~ skylark : )