Thoughts of becoming a murderer (please read thoroughly)?

[Doug]

I think i might have ocd and anxiety am 14 with 4 pets and a family i love but suffered a traumatic event where i accidently put my friends in the hospital and got suspended from school and never felt the same since. I have been more worried stressed from home schooling and sad i was a very happy and social kid but now i feel broken because the school used me as a scapegoat for their mistake i find joy but not as much anymore i used to cry all the time but now feel sort of well numb and after watching a show about killer kids i worried if i could kill my family. After a few weeks i am still worried and have disturbing thoughts about it where i stay away from sharp objects in worry that i would hurt them and would randomly have random thoughts saying "what if killed her right now?" Or "Maybe i could kill he/she" and would snap out of it and say out loud WHAT THE F**K BRAIN!!!!! I would have disturbing images too and would be creeped out by myself and even considered SUICIDE because i said to myself after a really disturbing thought i'd say "I would take my own life then hurt my family and if i tried to i would take myself out before that happens" Is this in my head or am i crazy? Im worried if i become a psycho killer.

P.S I have talked with family members about it countless times to reassure myself also they won't send me to therapy or a counceler.

P.S.S i also play violent video games like cos but dont rage out until it gets very annoying and sometimes blame my sis when i loose when we're playing together but feel bad afterwards.

[talleducation786]

Good for you for asking for help. you most definitely need to go get help

[Hellen_Keller]

your not crazy and i ALWAYS have those sort of thoughts (i'm 14 also and a boy) and i rarely get angry though and when i do... watch out, but anyways maybe your brain is telling you that its time to get some help, and if your parents arn't gonna get help then just do what i did and threaten them with suicide (but don't attempt it) it works 99.9% of the time

[cornflake#1]

Counsellors help people with all sorts of problems. You plainly see your own actions as abnormal, I guess that's why you wrote this.

Go see a counsellor voluntarily, before authority figures force that upon you.

[Minni]

Even though your family members wont send you to therapy you need to go yourself. Go to the counselor or social worker in your school and get help. Are they any community centers or hospitals that offer free therapy or counseling in your city? Hope you get the help that you need. Good luck

[Edward]

You are 14 years old, 14! At an age where hormones are'uh ragin', your emotions can certainly be running high! First off, you won't hurt your family or do any of that stuff, I know this why? Well 1) you are asking for help. If you are asking for help, you know it is wrong. If it is wrong you won't do it anyway because you love/care for your family and you don't want them to get hurt. Simple logic! Now doesn't that all seem kind of stupid! Killers are people who are messed up in the head and they don't feel this care for other people like you do. This allows them to kill senseless and not feel any remorse. They wouldn't feel bad after blaming their sister for losing! You are a growing kid and you still got a lot more years to grow. I say if you need help and your immediate family can't provide it, go to another close relative you know and speak with them about it.

On another note, sorry about the situation with your friends and the school doing these bad things as well. If what they did was bad and you KNOW it, you have knowledge my friend. Knowledge is power. Just know in your heart the truth and stick by it - people make mistakes, we all make mistakes. It isn't fair to yourself to keep dwelling on these past mishaps/problems you've endured because of one mistake you did (I don't know what happened but I am just saying, I am sure you get what I mean).

I hope things get better for you, love your sister and and don't let stupid ideas affect you so much! I think this is just a phase you will pass, but at the same time I wouldn't want you to not look into help. Speak with someone you can trust (immediate or look to close cousins/aunts/grandparents) and let them know it is private. Good luck

[hoopla32]

You can call a crisis hotline and talk to someone if your having issues. Good that you recognize it, it is very hard to be a kid. We all were kids once, it is full of peer pressure and you also have people trying to guide you through life because your still considered not to be an adult yet. There are many people in the world who have strange thoughts, but they don't act them out. Your family may not be able to afford therapy is what I am guess because it is very expensive. I would suggest finding things to do like fun projects you can work on like inventing things keep yourself and your mind busy. It is important that you control your emotions and don't let them control you. You can have a happy life you just need to be pro active and find what you like to do the best aside playing video games There are lots of rec centers that have kids sports and things to do I would ask your parents about those. You only have one chance to live you can turn things around and make your life a positive force in the world

[Zoey]

I'm so upset right now, it's hard to form the right words. My heart hurts for you, and it makes me want to scream to the media, "This is what's wrong with these kids. It's NOT the kids, it's the parents." I'm not saying it's always the parents, but you're 14, so this is NOT your fault. THIS. IS. NOT. YOUR. FAULT. If you get nothing else out of this, know that this is not your fault and that you're a good kid, and that you aren't going to hurt anyone because your a good kid.

You talked to your parents, and they WON'T send you to therapy! Sweetie, listen to me, please. You said to read that thoroughly, so please read this thoroughly. You're going to be okay because you're trying to seek help. This is not your fault, and you have feelings of love for your family and your pets. that's not the way a person feels if they're going to kill their family. But don't watch things like that. Feeling the way you do, it just gives you ideas. Sunday, I sat home and watched a marathon about gangsters in the 30's and got so wrapped up in it, I was ready to half way fall in love with these Mafia killers. They looked so amazing. (it was a rainy, cold, and i didn't feel well lol) But it's just to show you what TV can do when you're feeling the way you do.

Let's put this into perspective. If you were truly crazy, you'd have hurt those animals out of rage. You're not going to be a psycho killer, because you recognize it, and worry about it. You're dealing with post traumatic stress and instead of getting help, you got into trouble. And you cried. The truly crazy, the true killers don't care enough to cry. You FEEL, and the only problem you have are parents who don't see what they're doing to you. This is on them, and they need to fix this.

Disturbed people don't worry about staying away from sharp objects. they take them, and use them. And violent video games? You're 14, and that's normal. My son played those for hours and hours until I was just ready to lose my own mind. He'd have his moments of rage until I told him I was going to make him stop and he'd settled down. But he hadn't gone through a traumatic experience. That's why you're in a rage, and that's the only reason. But the fact that you get upset with you sister and then feel bad afterwards speaks volumes about who you are. You're a good kid who got into a horrible traumatic experience, and now you're home with parents who won't listen to you. You're a good kid, no matter what your head is saying.

Do you parents even watch TV? Do they not see what happens when things go unnoticed? They're lucky you're a good kid because after what you've been through, you could have gone out and hurt people, and yet, you're begging for help and they're ignoring you.
You need to sit your parents down, and you need to tell them you're worried that if you don't get help, you're going to hurt yourself. If they don't listen this time, please talk to someone else. Call someone you trust, if you can't get to them, just call them.
If you belong to a church, call someone from church, and talk with them. If you call the school, I'm sure you can talk to the school counselor, and explain what you're going through. They'll be very glad to listen to you. Do this before school is out for the holidays so they'll be there.
Or call an adult you trust. You need to get some help because you're not crazy, but you're dealing with a lot right now. You're 14, and you can't do this on your own.

Please please hang in there, just do what you can to just hang on a little longer. Don't hurt yourself. I honestly don't believe you'll hurt anyone because you have guilt, and you feel worried about hurting others. But I'm terribly worried that you'll hurt yourself. Sweetie, please please don't do that. Listen to me. This isn't your fault, you didn't do anything wrong, you're going to be okay, and I know you're a good kid, so I know things are going to be okay.
Email me if you need to talk. You can write pages and pages, and I'll read every word. My email is zozeeo@yahoo.com And please try again to talk to your parents, or to someone else if they won't listen. Email me. Just don't hurt yourself.

Please be okay. And remember what I said, if you got nothing else out of this, remember, this is not your fault, and you're going to be okay. You really are an amazing kid. I'm so proud of the fact that you've been through so much and you're still reaching out.

[Medusa]

As a human it's normal to have thoughts of murder and suicide. The fact that you are asking for help is awesome. Try alternative therapy. Regular therapists just take shit from the book and classify you. Look, if you need anyone to talk to feel free to message me.
Try making music or writing. Try boxing or something.