How to Break Free from my Controlling Mother?

[Allison]

Okay so I am eighteen and starting my second semester in college. My mother still treats me as if I am in high school. If I go out, it is expected of me to call her when I leave, when I get to the destination, when I leave the destination, and when I get back to my dorm. She insists on making decisions for me (like not being able to see my dad) and making doctors appointments for me even if I don't need to go. I am not allowed to have any social media such as facebook, and it is a struggle to try to go out anywhere when I am home. She monitors my bank account and email accounts, and has to know about every detail of what I am doing, where I am and when I will be back. I am so tired of it. I feel that I need to start being able to make my own decisions, but whenever I try to bring it up, she gets mad and wont let me explain. How can I get her to stop being so controlling and to let me live my life the way that I want?

[Sean]

Write her a letter expressing your frustration and consider transferring to a larger college further away. The letter allows you to get your point across without her being able to cut you off

[Blind Didymus]

Do you have a job? Are you able to pay your own way?
If so, then contact your dad and see what he has to say about this. Change your banking & email passwords so your mother doesn't know what they are. Start a Facebook account, even if under a pseudonym. Don't tell her when you're going places. Just go and if your mother asks or finds out later tell her honestly that your friends knew so you were perfectly safe.
If it's alright to ask, could your ethnic background be making this difficult for her?
If you can, stop having any contact with her and tell her you would be happy to do so again once your mother recognises that you're an adult and treats you like one.

[E]

Don't tell her when you're leaving your dorm. Call the doctor's office and simply cancel needless appointments she makes for you. Change the password to your email address and don't tell her what it is. Go see your dad if you want to. You don't live at home anymore. She can't stop you, and you don't even have to tell her.

If she's paying for you to be at college, she does have the right to monitor your spending, but other than that, you can do pretty much whatever you want. Adulthood is pretty sweet like that.

[j and d]

OMG I thought I was a controlling mother! Wow well you can start off by changing all your banking so she no longer has access to it. Then if you do leave your dorm, well just don't call. Get a facebook. what is she going to do ground you??? Start breaking away yourself. She will get mad, but you are a college student living in a dorm for god sakes. Tell her you are capable of making your own appointments. Just sit her down and tell her that you love her but you are going to start taking control of your own life, and that she can trust you cause she is the one that raised you to make all good decisions. Tell her that you will still call her, but not to check in, just to talk cause you love her and want to chat from time to time. Its going to be hard...hang in there.

[?]

you need financial independence

[PEGGY S]

If she is backing or paying for your education, she has the right to ask you to do certain things for her in return for it. If you want to pay for your own education, then you have the right to do exactly as you please.

On the other hand, you might want to talk to your mother about gradually giving you more personal freedom. Tell her that you will be facing the world as an adult soon, and you feel it is time for her to loosen up her reins on you, so that you can learn some responsibility. Tell her that if she doesn't allow you to start taking some responsibilities for yourself, you will end up with no idea of how to handle them when you start your career.

If you can not talk to her directly, I would suggest you write a letter. That way she can not interrupt you or dispute what you say, before you have an opportunity to completely explain why you feel you need more freedom. This is what I had to do, when I was young, because I too had a very protective mother. She would never hear me out, unless I wrote it down. It seemed to be the only way for her to let me have my say, without interruptions or negative comments. Much of the time it worked too. Just a little hint-- Make sure to include some compliments on how well she has raised you and taught you right from wrong, and tell her how much you love her and understand her concern. These additions will soften her up to your words and make her think about it more.

[jenmor3]

i just wouldnt except anymore help form her and dont let her know all your business