english teacher poem help please?

[Amelia Lily]

I had a task to write a poem about something from a different perspective. could you please read my poem and tell me whether I have done the task well and how I could improve it. Also what grade/level do you think it would be?


I never chose to float up here.
These people, they detest me, I darken their days,
Overcast their blue summer skies.
I watch them cry, grieve for the sun like the death of a loved one.
That is my fault I tell you, for I am the cause of the lack of light,
These people crave to see.
But what can I do to make them not hate me, nothing?
I never chose to float up here.

I’ve been here since the very start, longer than every one of you down there,
On that perplexing planet.
Changing daily, my size, my form.
I may not look the same, but I am indeed the exact.
I have seen everything, witnessed the evolution of this Earth.
Some changes you have made, some are good,
Unfortunately some are bad.
I wish I could be down there, showing you your mistakes,
But I’m not however, I’m stuck bleak and unwanted in this darkened sky.
I never chose to float up here.
As each year has gone by, I’ve watched technology grow.
From up above I see mobiles, I see laptops, many a things.
I see people turn to the internet with their great problems,
Rather than a great friend,
I see the media create the perfect image,
Making those who do not fit the cut,
Simply hate themselves.

I see social networking and chat rooms
Plus everything in between.
I cry to you,
Don’t let this destroy the beautiful world you live in.
This is upsetting for me to see, as up here I can do nothing, nothing,
Nothing at all.
You must keep this world sane, don’t reIy on technology, I beg of you.
You should not doubt me, although I am hated and unloved.
I never chose to float up here.





For next time you look up into the forever dreary sky,
Don’t sigh, I plea.
I never chose to float up here.
Just remember I am one of few things that have been here since the earth
Its self.
I can see through my friends up here too,
Straight through to earth and your own window.
I don’t miss a trick so I know where you go wrong,
I see the pressurising society,
I see all of what you suffer.
Do not doubt me because of what I am,
I do not intend to darken your days,
Just brighten your future,
My friend.

[P. W]

Your poem could do with a Title.
It could do with a great deal of editing down.
The pay-off could do with tightening up. In what way does a cloud "brighten your future"?