Why do I have trouble connecting with people?

[Jenny]

I believe I have a problem with connecting with people. When I first meet people, it’s easy for me to ask that person questions and to share myself with him or her. But after the initial meet and greet, I get stumped on what to talk to this person about. And I have this problem with most of my friends and family members. It seems all I am good at talking about is myself but who wants to listen to me talk about myself all day? I don’t and I don’t want to seem conceded. My point is I’m having trouble relating to people and carrying on conversations. I try to ask a question about school, or what’s happening in the news or even mention the weather just to get the conversation going but often to no avail. I try to be social and open with different people. Lately I feel like my small group of friends in school is not interested in me anymore. I notice I always have to be the one to initiate the conversations on the phone, Facebook or texting and make the suggestion to hang out or do something. My friends told me that I was their best friend. But now it’s like they’re quietly saying that they are no longer interested in me because I have hardly heard from them for months and honestly I’m skeptical to believe that they are just “busy”. This has happened with older friends too. Despite how I feel I know my friends are cool people but I’m not sure if it’s them or me. What’s wrong with me? Why do I struggle to get close or to maintain long relationships? Am I just a boring person? How can I help myself relate to people better and have better conversations?

[green_lantern5353]

Chances are that your higher intelligence may be an unconscious turn-off for your new friends. In my case I notice that most guys want to talk about sports. I understand baseball and basketball but I don't know much about football, so I got a copy of Football for Dummies to help understand the game. Still, you can only do so much and if you're not interested in the things your friends are, then, sooner or later you're going to drift away. You might do some soul searching as to what you're interested in. Try several hobbies until you find those that keep you interested and then seek out those with the same interests. Friends come and go faster than we realize during our school years. Only a handful will remain by the time you graduate from college. That's why I recommend a hobby. Photography, electronics, writing and computers are some of mine. Some of your friends may like gaming or camping. Joining a group, such as Scouts, or a sports league may help you develop a connection with a new set of friends while, at the same time, you explore whether these activities are right for you. Good luck!