Husband's "friendship" with another woman?

[VictoriaJ]

My husband has been friends with a particular girl since high school. This girl is extremely flirtatious, and the way she speaks to my husband makes me uncomfortable. However; what makes me even more uncomfortable is the way that he responds to her. For instance, she recently sent him a picture of herself making a kissy face at him. His response was not to ignore it or brush it off. Instead he responded "f****** hot! Whatcha doing sexy?"

We have fought about this issue a handful of times since the beginning of our relationship. I have tried talking, yelling, crying, the silent treatment, and so many other ways to make him understand how disrespected I feel by his interactions with this girl, but he REFUSES to cut off contact with her. Whenever the problem rears its head again he simply gets angry and either refuses to discuss it or tells me that the real issue in our marriage is my lack of trust in him. (Personally I feel that my distrust in him - particularly in relation to social media which is how he talks to this girl - is justified given the problems we have had).

We have tried the "I will watch what I say to her" route so many times, but he repeatedly fails to respond to her in ways that do not encourage her behavior. I am at my wits end, and I do not know how to make my husband understand that his continued relationship with this girl is causing an unnecessary issue within our marriage.

Any advice?
To give further context, my husband I have been together for going on 6 years now. Though this is a problem that has been ongoing, it is not one that is ever present in our lives. It is very rare for him to talk to this girl. Their relationship is one of high school aquaintances that infrequently reconnect.

For those of you whose first reaction is "divorce him", I am uninterested in breaking my marriage vows over this. I do not actually feel that this is as huge of an issue as can be had in a marriage, nor do I believe that giving up the appropriate response when you have entered into the covenant of marriage.

[BohemianDreams]

divorce him

I cant even believe you married him knowing that he was friends with a girl like that.

I wouldnt put up with that sh*t.

Id have dumped him the first time he did it.

My boyfriend is friends with plenty of girls but he would never disrespect me like that.

This as obviously been happening for along time....and im guessing it was happening when you both were dating too.....so why did you marry him?

marrying someone doesnt trap them with you forever

DIVORCE HIM

[Jayme]

At first I thought go onto his accounts and pretend to be him and cuss the bitch out.. But then I realized that would be incredibly juvenile and stooping to her level... U need to keep ur class and dignity so u tell him to pick between u or her... It's drastic but it will show u how he really feels about u... Either he will love u enough to tell her off in front of u or he will not love u at all and choose the skank... U deserve a better man and will get one either way! GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS U HONEY!

[David]

Ask him if it is okay that you have male friends that you send flirtatious emails back and forth that you would tell this guy that he is hot. If he says it is okay get closer to 1 of your male friends and flirt with them the only way he's going to understand how it feels is unless he feels at himself for you have already explained it to him have talked about it argued about it and fight about it.
Obviously he's not going to respect your feelings on this and wants to be free and social relationships which is okay as long as a street goes in both directions

[1selkie]

He's dodging the question and trying to put the blame on you, by saying that the real issue is your lack of trust in him. This is classic manipulative behavior and the most disturbing.

He obviously can tell you're upset, but doesn't care. Also disturbing.

There's overt flirtation that goes over the line. No decent husband would tell another woman she was "f***** hot."

He's weirdly defensive. I'm guessing since he's maintaining contact with social media there may be some secrecy involved? or at least you aren't privy to their conversations?

If you were dating, I would say dump him and run screaming. If you are determined to save your marriage despite all these red flags, your last resort is to get him into counseling with you. Yelling, crying, and the silent treatment will only make him dig his heels in and give him another excuse to blame you. I'd wonder if a marriage where there is no trust and respect is worth saving, though. At the very least don't have kids with him.

[✿Houston_Girl✿]

What he is doing is SERIOUSLY disrespectful toward you. This is HUGE red flag. He is obviously into this woman and he is choosing a relationship with her instead of you who are HIS WIFE.
He gets defensive and mad because he knows he is guilty and he knows he likes her. I would confront both of them so they know you are not stupid and then I would walk away. I would dump his ass.

Stay married if you want. You obviously have no self-respect. No real woman would put up with that crap. Have some dignity.

RUN and RUN fast.

[lizab]

If he wont tell her to stop then do it for him. Maybe next time he will know not to take your feelings like a game. Stand up for yourself and put your foot down! Show him some real consequeces he isn't taking you serious at all! Have self respect & best of luck.

[Be Beautiful]

Wow. That is so disrespectful and embarrassing!!! I'd be so embarrassed that some other woman KNOWS that she can say whatever to my husband and get his attention and interest whenever she wants even though he's married... He seems like the type of person who "doesn't know until he feels." You seem very mature, but I'd suggest you give him a dose of his own medicine if all else fails. (Don't go so far as to push him away, of course, but get him right where he needs to be.

[GRH]

I know how you feel. Im going though the exact same thing. Honestly I am not sure what you or I should do. Im afraid constantly that its going to lead to him sleeping with her. Best of luck to you.