Why do I feel like this?

[Seres]

Ok. I never usually do this sort of stuff... But here goes. I hate my life. I hate the way that I'm too fat even though im only 13 years old. I hate the way that im not pretty like so many girls I know. I hate im so jealous of my friends.... So lets start from the beginning...
I am too chubby. Almost every girl in my year at school is tall, beautiful,and thin. I envy them so much, as boys that I like are attracted to them, and dont even look my way.
My friends are usually ok friends, but as soon as something upsets me, i turn all jealous. When they do things that are mean and no one tells them, i feel that i should, because its not fair that they get to do that. But when i point it out quietly, they all team up, argue with me and then when I'm not there they talk about me and how im so aweful. I get jealous when they arrange plans without me. I guess many people would be too... But then when they find out they moan and complain and i just wish i was a different person that had no worries or faults. I really do hate my life. I cry so many nights, and when my friends are upset, i am there for them, but its not the same vice versa. I dont WANT to be there for them, because they dont deserve it considering how they treat me like dirt that is there when they're bored and lonely. But if im NOT there for them, im this horrible nasty person who doesnt care about her friends.
I sometimes want to end it all, to hurt myself because of deppression and other things i have not said on here. I just dont know how to cope anymore. I dont really have any friends (apart from one who's in a different year than me), i dont have an amazing figure, im ugly and i dont even know what i want to grow up to be. Im failing at pretty much EVERYTHING that gets thrown my way, so why bother? I really need help. Please, please someone help

[Bill Bob]

I am not of your gender, but I have been through this I still am. ditch the friends they aren't true friends, they aren't true friends because (this might sound dark but) friends are people you make fun of to their face at a mutual ground. I to am failing at almost everything in school even though it is purposefully it is all the same. I am over weight, never had a girlfriend I've been trying all this year but she sill fails to acknowledge me. I have gone through all of this and I am only 17. Live life to the fullest don't worry about others worry about yourself and the rest shall come with it.

[Darcie]

What you're experiencing is very normal, especially for someone your age. Things will improve
The first thing that I want to make clear is that there is no such thing as "too chubby" when it comes to how you look. There is a lot of pressure, especially on teenage girls, to look and act a certain way, and anything else is ugly. Well guess what? That's a complete and utter lie. Every person has a different body shape, metabolism, etc and therefore everyone naturally carries different amounts of weight. Being tall and thin does not automatically make you beautiful, just as wearing glasses won't make you a genius! Also, want to know a secret about boys your age? They're stupid as hell and just discovering what their genitals are for- that means they will be going for what they think /should/ be attractive because it's what they see in ads & in games, not what they are actually attracted to. Unfortunately, many of them will continue to think this way for the next few years (hell, some never grow out of it!), but tbh at this age all you're missing out on is a change in facebook relationship status and texts from him saying "cant tlk now bbz playin cod" every night, so don't worry too much about it- there are lots of better ways you can spend your time
Now, onto friends. This is something that happens all the way through life. My sister is your age and going through exactly the same thing, I'm 17 and see this happen all the time, and this even happens in my gran's weight watcher's group! It's one of the curses of being a girl- girls can be horrible when put into a group together, but we quite like being in groups together, so we just have to come up with coping mechanisms. First off, you have to think carefully if the good things about being friends with these people outweigh the bad, and if the answer is no, then try starting to talk to people who sit near you in different classes to slowly make new friends and move away from your old ones. A lot easier said than done, but it's all about building up your self confidence. If this seems too hard at first, try joining a club outside of school where none of your friends go, or maybe where no one you know at all goes. I did this whilst I was recovering from a particularly bad time in which my depression and anxiety disorder basically left me afraid to speak at all. It may sound scary, but I found going to a place where no one knew me and I didn't have to worry about the people there judging me really helpful, and although it took me about 6 months to actually start having proper conversations there (anxiety disorders suck), it still helped me and eventually I found it much easier talking to new people in school and outside of it, so it can be a good first step to finding new friends
About the suicidal/harmful thoughts- again, common (most teens have them), but please don't act on them! Most of the time, they can be ignored with some effort, but if you find them getting more common and stronger, /please/ talk to someone about it- it doesn't have to be a friend or a teacher like most people say (in fact, most of the time I would advise against friends and most teachers for the initial help because most people don't properly understand depression and won't know what to do), but just make sure you do it. Places like childline (http://www.childline.org.uk) have a link for you to talk to one of their counsellors online for free, and there are lots of anonymous self referal support centres around the country like OTR in Bristol- these places are there so you can talk to someone who knows what they are doing about anything that's bothering you, no matter how big or small. Things like wanting to hurt yourself sometimes, or your friends ganging up on you, or that you stepped into a puddle on the way to school and had to walk around all day with wet feet which really sucked and then you caught your jumper on something so now that has a hole in it which also sucks because you can't sew so it's just going to get bigger but your mum won't buy you a new one until the holidays- tell them and they'll listen Plus, they won't tell anyone what you've told them or that you've even spoken to them (unless they find out something very serious is going on that endangers people's lives), so no one will get in trouble or ask you questions Believe me, self harm or suicide attempts may seem like the right or only option at the time, but those thoughts arise when you're really sad and aren't thinking straight and you should never act on them- afterwards you'll really regret it, and the fact that you even tried those things often makes you feel worse than you originally did.