Trying to forget an abusive boyfriend?

[king]

We dated for four years and he was a nightmare. He abused me in every form possible from emotional, to verbal, and physically hitting me or shoving my down stairs, to even kicking me while I was on the floor. Our relationship was always his way. I wasn't allowed to leave the house, wear any light color clothing, or any makeup and I wasn't allowed to have a Facebook or any social media. In the duration of our relationship I've only met two of his friends in the beginning of when we began dating. I lost so much hair and weight that now I'm showing signs of balding and weigh 84 pounds. I broke up with him a month ago because I couldn't deal with his abuse. While I lost all my friends due to him, he went out and partied all night. He lied about where he was and what he was doing. He met up with ex girlfriends and argued with me over the most ridiculous things. I can't stand him and I can't help but hope that he will be miserable in his life.

I know there are SO many people out there much better then him. He thinks he is above everyone for reasons I have yet to find out. I know I'm not going back to him though being with someone for four years is a long time. I know being without him is for the best but I still need help getting over him.

Do you have advice on coping with a break up or stories of your abuser and your success story? I'd love to hear some motivation right now
I'm 20 and he's 21 btw

[Fran UK Man]

Banish him for ever. Keep yourself strong; develop some interests and hobbies; try to emerge from your memory of him and thank the stars it wasn't more serious.

[Missy]

Its been a year since I got out of a relationship, he never hurt me physically but through the relationship I lost weight and my self esteem and friends. You have to focus first on you, you need to start eating again and sleeping i'm guessing! When you get these basic needs fulfilled you will feel stronger.

Try finding a new job, new activities to take up just to meet some new people. From my experience they wont be your best friend overnight but give it time. Making friends takes its time especially for people who may struggle to trust again. Things will hurt, some days will be better than others. You have to battle it as best you can.

12 months on I have a small handful of friends I see every so often, still not as often as i'd like but I did go on holiday with one girl. I still get anxious about situations, I over think and worry a lot. I need to learn to relax more. But I don't cry over him, I have pieced some of my life back together and I feel so much happier than before. I have more space to grow and time will surely bring that. Same goes for you!

[Patricia]

Hi... i'm sorry you put yourself through that relationship and didn't break away a long time ago.

Your ex doesn't think he's above everyone, he has anger issues, doesn't like himself and he's headed for life trouble if he doesn't get help. How can he treat YOU or anyone with regard when he doesn't care about himself? This is the reason he abused you - and he was probably abused at home, his father likely abused his mother in some ways. Abuse is a cycle.

You aren't taking care of yourself at 84 pounds and with all the hair loss. What you're doing is continuing to punish yourself. You really need to consider learning how to love yourself, about self-esteem, ,self-compassion and also gratitude. It's very important to work on self-improvement, especially when we have come out of a relationship. It's difficult for everyone, even those who haven't experienced an abusive relationship.

You are also going to have to be very careful in your selection of future partners once you have recovered from this break up. They say "dysfunctional is our safe place" when we are accustom to it. You DO NOT deserve to be mistreated, and be very very selective about men in the future. If, for example, you go on a date or two with a man you feel has potential,, but you feel discomfort on the date, it's time to WALK AWAY from the guy and to stop seeing him. Please dont let little things slide on initial dates because the behaviors and level of discomfort won't get better with time.

A man can be a gentleman on the first dates, and if not, lose him. If you do become involved with someone and they give you the slightest indication that they are an abuser or treats you with disregard, it's time to break up, ,even if it means you're going to be alone for a while. Better to be alone than to experience constant stress anxiety and turmoil.

You can probably find information on line about surviving an abusive relationship if you do a search. I'd also suggest Loving Yourself, Self-Esteem Self-Help, Gratitude and Self Compassion

Take care of you!

[thomchez]

At this point, the problem is no longer him. Now the problem is you. You have allowed him to destroy your self-confidence. Now you don't think you're attractive and because you no longer see yourself as a beautiful person, it's going to be hard for others to see you that way. You need an overhaul, a complete makeover. It starts with your attitude. You must get your mojo back. Start with getting a new hairstyle/haircut. Something that shows your sexy, sassy side. Then you need to stand in the mirror and tell yourself every good thing you know about yourself. See that you are still a good looking woman. You are smart and have a nice personality. People liked you before him and people will like you again now that he is no longer in your life. The best years of your life are not behind you baby. Your best years are in front of you, but nobody can convince you of that...but you. You have got to believe that you are on your way up. There are plenty of guys who would be glad to get with you. Men get over women by dating other women. That's what you need to do. There is a guy out here who will gladly treat you the way a woman should be treated. You've been looking all around and this man is probably right in front of your face. So stop playing in your past and get back into the game of life. Your future looks brighter than your past. Now get busy living cause if you ain't living, you ain't living. You are still young baby and you are going to be alright, ok. Now go get your happy baby.

[JL]

Don't look for another boyfriend yet. Go places where you can meet some girlfriends to hang out with. Bowling leagues are good, because you are paired up other girls and see them every week so you can get to know them. If you have hobbies, try joining a club so you'll meet people you have something in common with.

[Pamela]

well just be happy he's out of your life. no women deserves this