Is this the right way to do it?

[James]

It's not a question itself, I just want to express this, and that you guys give me your opinion. I am sorry but it is the typical boring love story.
I've been loving a girl for 4 years. So has her. She fell in love with me, and the know as I did. We loved so much each other, but she ruined it, she went with another guy (while still loving me) and she wanted to make me jealous. I don't know why she did this (why couldn't we just be happy together?) maybe she didn't want to love me anymore for x or y reason. With time I grew more desperate, and sad. I almost turned to hate her, but I think she saw how much sad I looked and break up with him, to turn her attention on me again, but I responded negatively. I ignored her, but she was all in towards me, If she wouldn't be that way with me I would totally accept her. I wanted to make her feel the same way she made me feel (and I know it's the worst thing I could ever do) so I got another girlfriend and made her jealous, let's call her Just JH. She seemed so sad, and I liked that (I know I sound sick). She got another boy, not a boyfriend, but was flirting with someone else, you know, playing the same game. I got sad because of it AGAIN and I again got sad, this time worst, depressed. I broke with the JH ( I in fact also loved JH, but not as the other true girl). I really felt depressed, and this depression led to worst things. I started to think of suicide, then cutting, then killing and you know. I had a bad childhood, I live with a medium-low class family. That depression led me to even psychosis, I still have psychotic problems by this time. I think of murder, I have delusions, I am a pessimist, and still a sad person. Don't worry, murder is not a choice (in fact I want to help society). So back again, she saw I was depressed, but didn't cared as much, she thought with time I would heal. By this point of the story I still love her si much, and so does her. I've done everything with her, I've hugged her, I've talked romantically to her, I have sent her flowers, letters confessing love, except kissing. All these happened way before she did that to me, it is just to address you on how much I love her. And the situation is worse now. Me, with the psychotic problems, and depression, still loving her, is getting into dark stuff. In fact I've always been, into occultism and worshiping satan and all those stuff. I adore philosophy and psychiatry. I love her so much. We always share glances at one another. We still get nervous at one another. It's impossible to still be with her after all we've gone through. Now she seems to be the good one, and I am the dark one. It looks like she is going to finish in the good side, like the friendly, nice, cheerful girl, and me the dark, anti-social sociopath (which I am under diagnosis) bipolar one I am. But I want to end all this, once and forever this coming week. I will talk her for the first time in months. I will tell her all I have been through, how much I loved her etc.. And for last, I will tell her that I have to forget her, and hand her a letter which will tell all my life within those years, but for that to happen, that she must forget me also. This is going to be really hard. She must forget me, and so must I, only then, I have a chance to be happy and free. I know I sound so dramatic, and stupid, but I am truly creative and artistic. I am a very talented, and intelligent peron. I play guitar, piano, violin, drums and a little bass. I am also good looking so many girls have been checking an eye on me (It's not for boasting, I hate boasting). I don't love her since this moment, I just feel suppressed, and I regret all the events I witnessed with her. It's is even more stupid that I am only 15 years old. Please, don't come up with you are only a teen, because I do know that, but I am mentally sick and currently taking zoloft medication. I am almost an expert in psychogy, though I don't know how to handle my onw psyche. Please tell me I feel all this because of hormones, but anyway I am still doing it. Sorry for my english, I had to write this fast (I am going to my aunt's house). Since this moment, I stop loving you,
Jaine.

[geessewereabove]

You are only trying to dream up desires as "love"! You are only 15! When i was growing up couple did not even think of kissing until we were at least in our late teens! And Sex waited until married! Why did you try to make yourself into something you are not, way too young for?
To be "In-Love" ones thoughts would Never think of hurting, leaving another! On either side. Even you have said you fell "in Love" and deeper with another. How could one be
deeper" with another! Impossible!( Even in the Bible it states IF a man even thinks about having sex and is Not married to her - he is sinning! )
To Be" in-Love" you shall have much deeper feelings and so would the girl! Have you ever even prayed to or loved God? If not you have a long way to go! You want to die now? Are you aware in the Bible, thousands of years ago, people use to life HundredS of years? I have a man up the street that is 99 now and will be 100 in Nov.! What would you think of yourself it you read your obituary "killed himself at 15, buried in the non christened grave sight, alone in Hell for ever" ?
Are you aware that Everyone that kills themselves goes strait to Hell?!
Other than wanting sex real young have you ever looked for life and your reason for it? You could end up being a Governor of a state or a leader in the military! You could become well known for your Music! Where would the would be if the Beatles's had never come to be? You could not think of the changes because you have not been here with them. One of their most popular songs "HELP" "I need somebody..." How many people took those words and ran for help or to them to hear them again? Putting millions in places they would not/could nor have been at - IF they had not ever been!
Ask your parents if you can go out and do voluntary work to help others!
How about watching "The Lazarus Phenomenon" on DVD or FREE over the Internet? It about "Life After Death"; of the millions of people that have died, confirmed by a medic, and come back to life. One dead for longer times were shown Heaven, Hell or both!Then came back to life. See what this Hell you are aiming for is like. One stays alone forever with fire burning around them.....