Does this chapter sound like a good story you would read?

[Kathy R]

The middle of the chapter gets cut off. Criticism and tips will be appreciated! Its about a girl the most financially stable and gets discovered by a major NYC model agent.
“Brielle! Come here! I found one in your size!” I shout to my little sister from across the store. She came running to me and looked admirably at the dress that the hanger in my hand held.
“Thanks! I guess I’ll go try it on then!” She scurries off to the dressing room on the other side of the store we were in.
I made some money from babysitting last night and I knew Brielle was eyeing that dress at the mall for quite some time. It’s not often we get to buy new clothes because of the lack of money our family has. I thought I might as well bring a little happiness to our drab lives. I myself was wearing a new pair I have been saving up for from Coach. The people in Setauket don’t live the “high life” but they certainly do have money. Most girls in our school strut the halls in Juicy Couture sweat suits, Hollister tank tops and UGG boots. If you were to look in my closet, you would find none of those things. Well, I do have a few nice things I got for past birthdays and Christmases. Besides the point, I am one of the “less fortunate” in my school. Its terrible, but people do judge me for that. That’s just the way people are. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends, but I feel so invisible. All I ever wanted was to be “seen” or “heard.” My three best friends accept me at least. Claire, Amanda and Summer has had my back since we all met up at the start of middle school in 6th grade. They fit into the typical “Setauket” category of people, but they have great personalities and they don’t care what their friends financial statuses are.
Brielle pushes the purple curtain aside and emerges from the dressing room. The white knee length dress with pink, orange and yellow flowers looks so flattering on her body. All it needed was a sandy knit belt to cinch the middle. I run over to the accessories table and grab one. I hook it around her waist and admire my addition. I have always had an eye for fashion. I guess since I cant afford any upscale clothing I spend too much of my time wishing I could. Years of reading fashion magazines and keeping up with the latest trends in my mind pay off. When I shop with my friends I am the one they come to for advice.
“I love it! Can I get it? Please Kimmy? I promise I’ll wear it all the time! I just love it so much!” Brielle babbles.
“Bri, stop! I told you I would get it for you! No worries. Take it off and I’ll be waiting on the line. Its pretty long so don’t rush.” Brielle goes back into the dressing room and I go to wait on the line. It’s practically going out the door…
Being the nosy girl that I am, I cant help but eavesdrop on the two girls in front of me. They look about my age, one dark skinned long brown hair, leggings and flowy shirts. The other tan with the same style outfit and hair. The usual Long Island look.
“I can’t believe Oliver Orman is actually in this mall!” One girl said. Oliver Orman? He is like my idol. He owns the biggest modeling agency in New York City, Oliver Management. Only the best of the best get signed there. How do I know? Just years of drooling over America’s Next Top Model every Wednesday night. It would be a dream to just meet him.
“I know! I wonder why he’s here! Maybe he is planning some big fashion show for the Summer!” I’m sorry but I have to butt in to this conversation.
“Hi…did you say Oliver Orman is in this mall?” I curiously ask.
“Yeah! We read on his twitter he is in this mall right now!” One of them answer.
“Oh my god! That is so cool! I love him so much. It would be so cool to get a picture with him or something!”
“Yeah, well I’m sure if he sees me he will just have to sign me with Oliver Management.” The dark skinned girl declares.
“Um no…of course he would sign me! I have higher cheek bones!” The two girls argue on while I think to myself. None of those girls would ever be signed at Oliver Management. To make it big in modeling, isn’t easy. Agencies look for specific things. Most of them look for girls that are at least five feet, seven inches. Those girls weren’t anywhere passed five, four. I am actually five, eight. Really tall for my age. But it works for me. I have been told many times that I should model but I always thought it was so out of my league. Yeah I have a nice walk, you could say I’m pretty and I have lovely long legs, but so many girls are trying to make it in that business. I would hate to be turned down because I was one pound over an agency’s weight requirement or something stupid like that.
I realize that I have been daydreaming for a long time because sure enough the cashier is calling “Next!” and Brielle is standing next to me clutching her soon to be new dress in her arms.
“Twenty-four seventy-two.” The cashier says. I dig through my fake Gucci purse and pull out a twenty and a five. Just enough.

[Ridhwan]

its a good book.

[Lucy Stenger]

It is fantastic! Much less grammar/spelling mistakes than most people on this website. You also have much more potential. You pay attention to detail and write in way that urges the reader to read more. If you want more constructive criticism you can just email me!

[Popular Girl]

I love how you made her have fake Gucci ,reminds of girls in my school. This is really good,keep going!