Have I made the right decision breaking up with my partner?

[Josh Emily]

Hi, first time posting a question, have always found these to be helpful

I broke up with my gf 3 weeks ago, and I'm wondering if I have made the right decision.

A brief background.

I'm 23 and she is 18 we met 2 years ago when she was 16 and I had just graduated from university.

From day one she was very paranoid, always checking my Internet history, Facebook, texts, twitter etc. at times I would wake in the night and feel her pulling on my phone from under my pillow to try and get on it. I have understood this is largely down to her age and insecurities.
If I was to add a female or a female to add me on any social networking sites I would get a lot of stick and she would then inbox the female asking if we have spoken at all.
She never liked any of my main friends for no reason what so ever.
She stopped seeing her friends and lost the close bond she had with them so she could spend all her time with me, I was never aloud to make plans to go on trips or holidays with my friends without getting a lot of stick. She was completely against drugs knowing full well I would do them from time to time when at party's or out at a festival etc, so I would get stick for that too. If I was caught looking at another female I would get stick, most of the time I felt I had to walk with my head down.

I'm sure there is more I can tell you but I guess you can get the picture...

Anyway since we broke up she didn't cut contact with me and I wasn't willing to change my number so I have had to deal with text after text and sometimes I would reply just to show I'm still here and care for her. I know I was we everything and first love of her life and it hurts me a lot to see how much pain I'm causing her and keep asking myself have I made the right decision? I do feel happier but then at times I sit and wonder what if I has stayed with her. Would she ever change? Which she claims she already has? She says she will do anything to have me back, should I leave her to enjoy her life?
We didn't move in together we never did, 16years of age is not a child she was nearing 17 when we became a couple I was 21 there definitely isn't a problem concerning our age.

[ron-D]

She moved in with you when she was 16?

None the less, of course you made the right decision. Hopefully it will be a lesson learned for this little girl. Don't jump into anything. I'd have to wonder about your decision making abilities if you thought shacking up with a child was a good idea.

[gary b]

"should I leave her to enjoy her life?"

Given all that you've said . . .
!!NO!!
You need to leave her SO THAT YOU CAN ENJOY YOUR LIFE.

Just ignore her texts and phone calls. Delete them as soon as they come in; don't even bother to open them,.

In the future, do not date ANY woman under the age of 25. They lack the emotional maturity to feel secure enough th be "datable" material.

[MB]

Unfortunately, people like that rarely change. (There is a chance, just not much of a one)
They may act like they do, suppressing the need to act, but deep down, will most likely be as insecure and be wanting to give you as much stick.

My suggestion would be to try hanging out as friends, and take things slowly from there, as if dating for the first time again. You seem to still love her, but just hate all these negative things she is doing to you. I believe people deserve a second chance.
If she ever has urges to peek at your online stuff, peek at your phone, etc, then tell her she needs to try and trust you, otherwise it can't work.
Every now and then, show her your internet history yourself (if you ok with that), or something like that. This will show that you are honest and open with her, hopefully getting her to trust you little by little.

If this still doesn't work, then it might be best to break up permanently.
Relationships need trust. Explain to her that you need it.

[Wisen Smart]

You did not cause her pain, she inflicted that herself by being paranoid and insecure. Stop feeling guilty and she got what she worked on, your break up. She will never change. As a matter of fact, I would hesitate being with a person like that, after seeing the trial of Jodi Arias, she was obsessed and would not accept him as friends and you know what happened to him.

You did the right thing and do not reply to her text, each reply opens up a window of hope and that is not healthy, the sooner you cut total communication, the sooner she will realize is over.

[Love2Answer]

sounds like you still like her..........I think anything you can't walk away from is worth trying again. At least try it with this exception "if I see the same old her and she really didn't change, this time I can walk away and say I tried". Give it your best, then walk away in peace if it's not right. This way you will not be haunted by what might have been.

At any rate, why is she so insecure? Did you cheat on her or do something with another girl that hurt her early on? She has to trust you. All women have a bit of insecurity, hell I've never cheated and got flak from all my girlfriends. If it's her, just ignore it. You'll grow earmuffs or learn to ease them down with compliments.

[Janet]

Read your question again,

You state 'I am happier' without her.

She has issues she needs to sort out (in therapy) unless she can get a handle on her insecurities she will never change.

You need to take a look at why it is that you are considering going back into a relationship....to make HER feel better, thats MAD.

What your describing is a relationship that is known as co-dependent, where one of you (YOU) needs to give to the relationship more than the partner, or forgo your needs for theirs.

Usually this pattern is set up in childhood because a parent demanded you subvert your needs to meet theirs.

And you now unquestionably fulfil the other person in a relationships needs first.

This is a pattern you will repeat until you act with more awareness and honour your own feelings.