I'm so lonely, I don't know where my life is going. I'm lost?

[James]

I'm 25, have recently moved to a new city for work. I have been just under a year and although the work is good, I have never felt so lonely. I have left my family, my circle of friends and activities I used to do back home. I moved from a big city to a much smaller one. The nearest big city is 40miles away. I live in a very small village, with limited opportunities for social contact.

My problem is this...deep down inside myself I feel so alone. I've only had one girlfriend (when i was 18) and have essentially been put in the 'friend-zone' with every other girl i've fallen for since. I know I'm only 25 and there are many years to come and I have no idea who will come in the future, but as bad as it sounds that is of little comfort to me at the moment. I have only a few friends in my new city, and there's not really anything going for a few miles activity/social wise.

I recognize the feeling of 'falling in love'. Every girl I fall for I become great friends with, but it never goes any further OR she already has a long term boyfriend. Then I torture myself with thoughts of how I could never compete with long term or ex boyfriends. The feelings of loneliness I've felt were so deep I could almost feel a hole inside me. I'm worried that I'm running out of time, and that I won't meet anyone for years. I'm young now, I want to be with somebody, I want to have somebody to share my life with.

I know a lot of people meet each other at clubs and stuff. But I am not a clubbing type person. I mean, I'll go if its a special occasion (i.e. someone's bday) but otherwise its really not my scene. I am musician in out of office hours, which involves hours of creating and writing songs. I would love to meet someone through this medium (or someone similar creatively) but i have no idea how to do that!? I'm not a very sporty person but if I push myself I can play regularly.

Is there something wrong with me that I've only had one girlfriend so far?
Can anybody share any life stories of being in a similar situation?
Or any words of wisdom for that matter?

Just to add some perspective...when i'm alone in my room after work, sometimes I just look out my window and cry. It's something I can't control and tears will just keep coming . I try to keep busy as possible but when I get free moments I just break down from sheer pain of being so lonely. It's hard for me to admit this so publicly but I don't know what else to do!

[Jay L]

you need to get out of your room and force your self to get involved in activities in you r small town. There are activities you can do.

Join a church and get active in it.

Join a bowling league, or a softball team, take up bridge, just do something, instead of sitting in a room feeling sorry for yourself

[repper32]

Have you thought about moving elsewhere? Maybe someplace with more of a active scene? As to always being "friend zoned" it happens when a guy doesn't take a shot. Say you meet a girl and you get a long you are too scared to take a shot because you are scared to loose that person as a friend. We miss 100% of the shots we don't take. So man up and just go for it! women like a confident guy that tries.

Life is what we make of it you can either sit around and mope about how you can't meet anyone get out there and try to meet women, its easily done now a days with dating sites and such. PLus you are a musician! women love a guy that can play an instrument.....well maybe not the tuba but you get what I mean.

[Nancy]

Are you sure this town is the right place for you? Because it sounds like it's not. I know you said you are there because of a job but seriously, is it that worth it? Perhaps you can move in between where you are now and the nearest larger city so it's only 20 miles? Just making a suggestion.
I do know how it feels to be lonely. 25 is a good age. I don't believe that people should be serious before they are 30 about getting married. But that's just me.

[ferochira]

Although this won't make you feel better personally, start by realizing most at your age with a steady mate, are feeling the "exact" same way. Not only will you find a lot of these confessions here, but i have 2 of the best looking girls/nieces from very well of family, with a ton of friends, most with fiances and steady bfs, that tell me the exact same thing, one of them turn 30 next wk and she's taking it extremely hard.
Women take this a whole lot worse than men, as in the past, you'll find most every high school girl here and everywhere else thinks she "HAS" to be married by 20-25 yrs old. It is my belief, that this centuries old belief is what actually screws up todays society and relationships. "look hard enough, and you'll find love in all the wrong ppl," they talk themselves into love, more than is there to start with, and refuse to believe the fact that nothing betters after marriage that wasn't there before it, in the majority of cases, weddings are in planning before couples have been together 2yrs, it why so many end up in abusive relationships. Could very well be your waiting for one of those women and all because she made a rushed and rash decision about a feeling called love, that was based on her teen experiences of what love was. And for those reasons the highest age category for divorce and seperation of long term relationships is mid 30's and under. One tatistic that's eerily right on if you pay any attention, is that the average marriage/long term relationship goes on the rocks around the 7yr mark.
Not one thing hasn't changed in the last 100 yrs, except that parents, mother in particular continue to pump their daughters with the idea of true love in early adulthood, continuous pushing for marriage and kids. Never once mentioning that it often takes longer, it can't be hurried, millions are waiting /looking, there's a time and place for all and one just can't change or hurry it.
I see your quite busy, but maybe you should try to find a few hrs a week to do some volunteer work, a chance to meet others in different lines of work, those working on college or University degree's or just ppl helping out, beating the bar, etc. scene. Just remember, "we pick and choose who we marry, not who we fall in love with." Widen your scope, get out of the box, open up to different possibilities.