would you please give some advice on my personal statement?

[Jack]

I am writing my personal statement for UK college, this is the draft piece, would you pls give some suggestion for me, thank you very much,lol

How many people would read on subway with a kindle? I have no idea about this issue, but I can expect reading ebooks would become a growing trend in near future, which would change our lifestyle then. Although there is a long way to go, I would like to participate in this progress, that's the initial reason for me to pursue the publishing programme.

I was in touch with publishing as long as I started my high school that established by a publishing corporation, and had a chance to prepare others' paper for publishingh as teacher's assistant in senior year. Another exciting thing for me was some of my own pieces being accepted by the newspaper. Then I went to Communication Univesity of China, where I learned more about publishing and media. In freshmen and sophomore years, I spended more time participating in practical placement than studying theoretical subjects, worked as journalist in local newspaper, to interview latest event, college robbery and something like that, and also did some editorial jobs in a TV station. Those experience told me a frustrating fact that knowlege from books could not give a perfect solution to problem I encountered in jobs. Thence I studied very hard in junior and senior years, all courses, high score, then I understood, some problems could be resolved by theories, but others could not, in those cases, we should get our own answers, which afterwards be proved by my final professional placement.

I worked as manager assistant in Electronic Publishing Department of Duzhe, a literary magazine whose circulation ranked first these years in Asia, and the responsibility of our team is to sell its own e-book reader. However, the team leader, who had 10-year sales experience in traditional media, had no idea about how to promote this kind of book. He hoped us could get some ideas from Amazon's success, but how, product design, competitive pricing, and copyright management, all these aspects could not be easily and completely copied. What we should do is to analyse the electronic publishing market in China and to plan related sales strategy, I proposed my own ideas in those aspects and that stimulated a broad discussion in our team, everyone told why and how, finally we got the initial marketing model. And it's so impressive experience for me that I chose it as my topic of thesis, researched on how to promote ebook reader, how to establish profitable model, and how to bring in digital transformation to the whole corporation. After graduation, the corporation offered me a position in the New Media Department, to analyse market trends, and plan sales strategy. I am competent to these tasks, but that's not my interest, and what always engages my attention is a more popular and perfect ebook reader, which could been seen everywhere, and even in school, students could study with this kind of book. Actually, there is a long way to go, suitable design, affordable price, and interesting content, all these targets should be achieved with effort. Thus I want to pursue my further education abroad to learn more about electronic publishing.

Actually, I want to make something difference, not only for my own career development, but for some embarrassed situation in electronic publishing of China, a hard-studied colledge student might find knowledge he learned on campus would be obsolete just after graduation, and he can do nothing but copy others' pieces from one website to another, that's why Baidu in China is not as good as google, too much copied information would be searched before you get what you really want, and this also be true in the whole internet industry in China, no orginal model could be found here, I would expect Weibo would say this is twitter of China if they have chance to issue shares at the New York Stock Exchange. And the most important aspect to be improved is copyright management, which was defined as comprehensive legal framework to protect both local and foreign intellectual property, but the fact is copyright infringement could be found every area in China, for instance, Baidu's knowledge sharing platform has being infringed thousands of authors' copyright, how to ballence the sharing and copyright on the basis of protecting orginal creativity.

I believe I can get solution to those problems duration of my further education, if I could be accepted by your programme, I would have chance to learn from leading academic experts, and understand more about publishing industry as well as acquire transferable skills in this field, those would help me on my way to make difference to China's electronic publishing, and would help me make my dream be realized.

[kaliesq]

There are errors in wording that show English is not your first language. However, because you do not intend to be a writer, it is my opinion that most of them should be left the way they are. You wouldn't want to submit a perfect paper, only to have the school authorities learn that your English isn't perfect once you are in university. Your English is certainly much, much better than anyone else's Chinese will be. Also, it reinforces your achievement in a language so different from your first language, your uniqueness among applicants, your very different experiences and the perspectives they give you -- all of which are very desirable qualities in an applicant.

I would make these changes: I am competent to do these tasks, but that's not my interest. What always engages my attention is a more popular and perfect ebook reader, which could be seen (read? used?) everywhere, even in school.
This sentence -- Students could study with this kind of book. -- does not add anything. If you keep it, add something like: have all their textbooks, even reference books, in one lightweight ebook; easily carry their books from class to study hall, to dorm; could study wherever they happen to be, even if they have only a few minutes; could highlight and annotate their texts, and move sections of texts next to each other for comparison and reflection -- whatever you think its advantages would be to students.