Sad situation with a guy...advice needed pls?

[Emma]

Hi everyone,

Met a guy a few weeks ago online, we are both late 30's. Had an amazing first date which lasted 8 hours long, talked about lots of things,family etc. We have the same values/outlook on life, similar passions, chemistry was perfect. I think when you get older you sometimes know what you are looking for and just felt right very quickly.

We met again the next week, he planned us a great date and put a lot of thought an effort into it. He then sat me down and said that he needed to be honest with me, he originally joined online dating to have female company and nothing serious which is why he was completley thrown when he met me as he said we have a unique connection and that he never expected to meet someone quite like me. He said he had to be honest because a few months ago he applied for an Australian visa and it came through. He felt torn because he knows that such connections don't come very often. We agreed to continue seeing each other, I was pleased he was honest and that we would see what would happen. Before anyone says anything, we became friends on Facebook before meeting and his story adds up. Plus from what I've seen on his photos etc and just him in general he comes across as a very genuine, honest guy who isn't out to hurt anyone. He said if he didn't care he wouldn't of told me and just continued to date me have fun and leave for OZ in 6 months time. He said that he could delay going to Oz for a year or two or not go at all if he fell in love which gave me confidence to carry on seeing him.

He then asked to spend the rest of the weekend with me doing fun stuff, so we did. He again planned some great fun things for us, ice skating etc. He had anothe amazing date, but when we went for dinner that evening the conversation turned quite intense, talking about stuff that happened in our lives etc a bit too much early on but he seemed ok and asked if he could come back to my place to watch a film or something. I initially was a bit unsure but agreed , but set the expectation that we wouldn't sleep together so early on which he was fine with. He came back to my place and again the conversation turned a bit 'deep' and eventually onto him going to Oz, he know's I have been hurt in the past in a previous relationship so I'm a bit guarded with my heart. He said too be honest, he will be going to OZ and that he feels selfish because he doesn't want to lose me and feels torn because he likes me so much. It all got a bit intense (no tears or anything) he did get very uncomfortable at a few points and I apologised. We cleared things up, said we would forget about the conversation and move on and continue to have fun together.

He stayed the night (we didn't have sex) but lots of cuddles and just very close. We both again felt a strong connection and agreed we liked each other a lot.

In the morning we cooked breakfast together, no awkwardness.He said the night before lets go to the cinema. When I got out of the shower 20 mins later I asked if was still up for going to the cinema and he said he doesn't have much time today, so in the end he just said I should go home really I have stuff to do tomorrow. LITERALLY he changed personality in 20 minutes. He went completley distant and cold, I took him to the tube station and he barely looked me in the eye, didn't mention meeting up again or anything and just left. 6 hours later he sent me a message saying he never mean't to waste my time, that he had a great time with me but that he didn't feel it would be of benefit for us to see each other again and wished me all the best.

I am totally confused and a bit gutted. I know the intense convo didn't help. But too be honest we handled it well and he seemed completley fine afterwards. He went from wanting to spend lots of time with me and saying he had an amazing connection (which I do think he meant) to not wanting to see me ever again.I wasn't crazy, emotional, needy or anything with him.

Do you think I should send him a balanced message saying that we have an amazing connection and to think about this carefully? I feel he freaked out and instead of thinking about things just decided to take the easy way out?

What should I do?

xx

[Brenda Fleming]

I suggest you do remind him about what he's missing out. He does seem to act like he panicked. I don't think he intentionally meant to lead you on like that but in a way it kinda seems to me that he basically led you on. If he truly liked you he wouldn't of just left like that. If when you text him and he says he's sure about not wanting to see you again then leave the kid alone. Find someone better in your life that'll treat you right and not lead you on like that.

[Clement Fields]

My Opinion i think he usin u

[Timothy]

He may have pushed you away because of his big move so as to not hurt you with long distance or he just didn't get what he wanted that night and felt no need to continue. I'm guessing the move had more to do with it. Be happy for what you had and move on, that's all you can do.

[Oopsy Daisy#]

He's trying to disassociate himself from you so that neither of you is hurt in the long run. It's a case of better to crush it now than connect furthr and rip each others hearts out when he has to emigrate. I agree this is a sad situation but it all boils down to what you can handle and what he feels he can handle, and right now that appears he has reached his limit. He's being a nice guy saying it wont benefit you seeing each other again, it takes real guts to walk away for the good of both of your sanity, This isn't just about you though so don't be offended he doesn't want to go through the pain of leaving you.

I wouldn't push it, but give him time to think through his decision. At most i would message and explain that you understnd why he has done it, reiterate that while you don't agree with it you accept it. See what happens from there.

Good Luck