I feel bad about myself and how I treated my friend...What should I do?

[Lara ♥]

I just feel ugly, dark skinned and unattractive,

I'm i18...I feel lonely. I haven't been in school since last June. I'm most likely going to college in a few weeks, the latest in the summer...I have absolutely no real friends...just old acquaintances from high school.

I'm surprised I even get likes on my pictures on instagram...I hardly even talked to people in high school.

There was this really cool girl who tried becoming my friend since 10th grade through 12th...but I had the worst self esteem, I didn't feel "good enough" to be her friend because she was SO gorgeous. I put her on a pedestal, saw myself as an ugly loser who wasnt pretty enough to be her friend, I'd always avoid her and ignore her even the more than anything I really wanted to be her friend but I just couldn't talk to her or act normal around her because she intimidated me, I was pretty jealous of her too. I feel so bad. I hate how stupid I acted...now we hardly talk anymore. We never really talked much because I was so awkward but we still talked and texted a bit, she was extremely nice to me, then eventually started being distant...I haven't talked to her since like september...

I have her on instagram and facebook but we don't talk at all. Her birthday is coming up at the end of this month, I want to tell her something, but would that be weird since we haven't talked in awhile?

I just feel dumb...

[Kindell]

Tell her that. Tell her you want to apologize for if you might have hurt her feelings and say you just felt shy and a little intimidaited. Looking at how much of and effort she made she probably already knows this but it's a good way to start talking

[Bob]

You are beautiful. You are perfect. Don't let anyone tell you or make you feel otherwise. People put other people down when they are jealous. Be yourself. Have fun. Enjoy life. Do something you love.

[376]

I don't understand why you like to bring yourself down.You think lowly of yourself and this is ruining your mind social potential overall.Maybe you really don't look that good or perhaps it's just you who thinks that and you are pretty in fact.No matter how it actually is, you can compensate and look nice and presentable by putting an extra effort into picking your clothes and dressing really nicely, especially when you go out.And making sure your hair looks nice and wear a bit of make up to accentuate your best features, such as lips or eyes for example.You are unable to connect to people, especially those you find beautiful because you feel ugly and probably think they will judge or laugh at you, which is very wrong.You need to make a big change, force yourself to feel good about yourself and know physical appearance is not everything.Your intellect, kindness or sense of humour can take you a long way and make a difference too.I also suggest you join a club in something that interests you so you'll be forced to practise your social skills, learn and make new friends.And/or a sports team.And as for the friend you haven't talked to in a while, you can message her before her birthday if you want.Just be like ''Hey X, how are you?what have you been up to in the past time?'' or wait for her birthday if you want and send her a nice, heartfelt message and add ''what have you been doing lately? would you like going out some time? I'd love doing something together with you and catching up.'' You can rekindle your bond with her and maybe even befriend other friends of her.Good luck!