Should I tell my friend that I am questioning my sexuality?

[Why?]

Sorry for the long question, but I appreciate your thoughts.

Okay, some basic info about me: I'm Christian, male, and almost 20. I go to college in another town and attend church in my hometown. I have always liked to think that I'm straight, and I act like it, but now I'm questioning that I might be bi or gay. I'm mostly masculine, not feminine, but I'm not into the usual "straight guy" things like cars, sports (watching or playing them), and I'm not "girl crazy." However, I do like exercising and working out, and the outdoors.

The main reason that I'm questioning my sexuality is the kind of porn I watch. Right now it's half straight and the other half gay. Not all types of girls turn me on and not all types of guys do either. I feel like I don't belong with the 100% straight crowd or the 100% gay crowd. I can't fully identify with either one. I also haven't had a girlfriend in several years, and every time I try to get one, I fail, and it's frustrating. But, I've always wanted to get married to a Christian girl some day and have kids.

I've had girlfriends in the past, and have kissed them, but not anything past that. I liked it, but I have also wondered/fantasized about guys, too (but I've never done anything with a guy). Not too long ago, I met this other guy at work who is around the same age as me. Let's call him "Adam." He was really sweet/nice and helped me out with a work-related problem I was having. I saw him every once and a while, and I catch myself looking if he's there that day. If I saw him talking with pretty girl coworkers I would get jealous. Finally, I got this overwhelming feeling that if I didn't become friends with him (at least Facebook friends), then I would regret it (because I was going to switch jobs, and I probably wouldn't see him again after that). This feeling was nothing like I've gotten before, for anyone. So, I went up to him, and I was really nervous (like when talking to a pretty girl), and asked if I could add him on Facebook. He said yes, and I was really happy . We have hung out several times since then, talked on Facebook some, but the last message I sent him he never responded to (it was a casual "how are you?"). I think I'm infatuated with him (not a full-blown obsession), and up until a few weeks ago I thought about him every day. Literally several seconds a day, every day. I don't even think about my closest friends that often. Adam has some not-so-masculine qualities about him, but he does have a girlfriend, so I assume he's straight. The whole experience made me realize that I can be crazy about a guy, I've been crazy about a particular girl before, but not this strong.

I have this other friend "John." He goes to my church, really loves Jesus, and I can trust him. I've told him other stuff before, and he has kept it a secret. He has told me before that he believes homosexuality is a sin, but he also knows several gay people, and isn't homophobic in the sense of condemning them or calling them names or anything like that. In fact, some of his joking around with me has homo-vibes to it. So, I think that if I told him that I'm questioning my sexuality that he would be understanding, but I'm afraid that it will change his view of me. Should I tell John? Should I tell him about Adam? Has anyone else had similar experiences?

Also, me not being a Christian is not an option. If I am gay I'll have to reconcile this with Scripture somehow, but I'm not going to turn agnostic/atheist.

[Isabella Regine]

Well to answer your first question, iif I was going through the same dillema as you, I would only tell people I trust. Now, this is your choice. Do you want to keep it a secret or not? Because if you do, only tell people you trust. If you don't, tell anyone. Just make sure they're supportive of your decision and do not critisize you on it.