I have no idea what to do...?

[Katie]

Recently, my husband and I have been having some major issues. It all started back in September 2013, when I had found some texts to another woman (who lives in Hawaii) bashing on me and making it sound like I was nothing more than a crazy, baby mama to him. In reality, we have been together for three years, and have had a baby together for one of those years. We've been looking at houses, and planning a future together. He works in the oil field in North Dakota three weeks out of four, so it takes a lot of trust. After confronting him about those texts, he seemed to have sincerely apologized and swore he would quit talking to her and stuff like that, and he did. I still tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Fast forward a month, and I find out at the same time he'd been talking to the Hawaii girl, he'd been talking to another girl who is a bisexual about different women. She'd been telling him about "hot" girls wherever she was at (in detail,) and he said, "oh really, Wish I had one of those." I confronted him about that as well, and he said he didn't know why he says stupid things like that. He said he didn't want to lose me or our family we have started, and that the problem was all him. I had told him that he better start thinking about the whys because I wasn't going to take much more. A little bit of history about him, his father consistently cheated on his mother, giving her almost every STD known to man, the man hadn't wanted my husband or his brothers, and said it constantly. He would beat the kids and was constantly high on things. He finally left for good when my husband was eight years old and hasn't seen them since. My husband loathes the man for what he did to not only him but also to his family. So this is why I have such a hard time understanding his thinking this behavior was ok.

This time home, I checked his phone again (not to make excuses for myself, but his previous behavior has made me terribly nosy.) When I look through his phone, I am pretty thorough. Call logs, emails, texts, Facebook, pictures, everything.This time, I found porn downloaded to it, and that he had created multiple dating site accounts set for discreet, one-on-one sex in North Dakota. I also found out that September 2012 (while I was five months pregnant) he had contacted an "escort" there as well. I, of course, completely blew up on him. I told him it was absolute bulls*** and how dare he do that to my son and I? I told him I absolutely wasn't going to take it anymore, that this is his final chance. I am a generally patient, forgiving person (I give people too many chances.) However, once I am done with someone, that is it. I don't talk or associate with them, they become as if they were dead, and he knows this all too well. I told him it was almost laughable he hated his father so much, when he is exactly like him. This I think really got to him, because he ended up crying the whole night and feeling like a piece of s***. I also asked him if it were flipped, how would he react? He admitted he would be doing the same exact thing I was doing. I told him maybe he should really think about that fact, and the fact that I had chosen to stay with him, despite the first offenses. The only thing he has done recently that I know about since I originally found out was the stupid dating sites. And he says he was only looking, and I have been unsuccessful in finding any messages he sent to other women on them, just ones he had received, he has no picture, and it says you can't contact people without one (I'd tried, just on the principle of ripping both him and the girl a new one. I'd also changed his profile information to state the truth. That he was in a committed relationship for the past three years, and had a child. And, that he was obviously in some serious trouble, so he wasn't worth their time.

He has begged me for one more chance. He said he had contacted the escort, while he was drunk up there but had not gone any farther than that. He said once he had sobered up, that he realized what he had almost done, and really hated himself. He says he never did it again, and I have not found evidence to the contrary, and I like to be thorough. He said he hadn't realized any of the other things were cheating, to which I told him was stupid. He deleted all of the "dating" site accounts in front of me, and even had me search through his email accounts and everything with him to make sure they were all dealt with. He told both girls to lose his number, and blocked them so they could not contact him on his phone anymore as well. He swears he really is fully committed to us, that he doesn't know what he was thinking when he was doing all that stupid stuff and that he wants this to work. He goes back to work at the end of the week, and I am absolutely terrified about it.
Since September 2013, he has legitimately started spending more time with me and my son. He's been taking me out on dates and showing considerably more interest. He'd been distant for so long it is nice to see some change. I think he may be truly trying to fix things, but it's hard to know. Especially with me being afraid of him cheating when he goes back to North Dakota. He's been understanding about my snooping and sadness, and actually seems to care that he has hurt me so badly. He has had girlfriends before (they all broke up with him because he didn't care enough to put anything into those relationships, )but I am the only relationship he has put this much time and effort into. I think he really does love me, but I still can't fathom or understand why he would do these things to me. I want to try and work this out, because I not only want to do what is best for our child, but for us as well, not to mention I still love him. Everything we have is joint as we

[monkeygirl5454]

Please leave him. If this has been going on for years, it most likely will not get better very fast. It will take years to change this behavior. It is better for both you and the baby.

[Carol]

You sound like to want to try this one more time. Good luck.

[Larry]

I understand you very much, after all, every one's energy is limited.We all hope to find a good social platform, especially as we are the special groups.Perhaps
http://www.SeekBi.com is what you want to look for, I'm using it right now，and is very good.This is a serious social platform and over 774,200 bisexual members!